Last week, I wrote a blog post about a woman who was celebrating the 22-month anniversary of a baby clawing its way out of a vagina. It really pushed some buttons and touched some nerves and, for the life of me, I can’t imagine why. The post on the Facebook page had a reach of over 500,000 people so it clearly resonated for some. Most people could see the sense of humor but plenty of folks decidedly did not like what I was writing about. I need to make one thing clear: the server who received the note undoubtedly brought a “small cupcake or brownie” for the baby celebrating the non-birthday and then served it with a smile. That is what we do as servers. The entire point of this blog is to write about the things we wish we could say. It doesn’t mean we actually do the things I write about.
There were a lot of hateful comments directed ant me and other servers about what awful people we are and after reading about 700 hundred of them, it kinda got me all like:
But one comment in particular stood out. It came from Lauren:
Whomever wrote this is a huge douche who needs to get laid, go on vacation, and take a Xanax. Not specifically in that order. Get over yourself, honey. Your shitty job is to bring people whatever the fuck they want, and pretend you’re enjoying doing so. If you don’t like that, get an education and do something else.
Ouch, Lauren. You cut me to the quick, bitch. What you fail to realize is that 99.9% of the time we servers do bring people whatever the fuck they want and we pretend we are enjoying it. It’s just that I like to write about the other .01% of the time. And I am afraid you are wrong with your assumption that I am “huge douche.” At 5’9” and 141 pounds, I’d say I’m really more of a small or medium.
However, I think I shall take your unsolicited advice regarding getting laid, going on vacation and taking a Xanax. (Not necessarily in that order.) Effective today, I am on vacation for 12 days. This morning I went to CVS to pick up my prescription of Xanax. As soon as my husband and I land in Italy on Thursday morning, I will get to work on the “get laid” part. I don’t think it will be very difficult to achieve. Thanks for the great advice, Lauren. You’re the best.