When we opened the restaurant today, nobody cared. We sat there for thirty minutes before someone peeked inside to see if we were open. The first table was a pair of ladies. I think they were sisters. Maybe friends. Whatever the relationship, they were crazy. When the first lady came in the sister was behind her screaming “You’re sick! You’re sick!” Great. This is going to be fun. The crazy sister started yelling at the crazier sister to be quiet. Then Crazier said she was going to sit on the patio if Crazy was going to sit inside. Crazy told her to just sit down and so Crazier did as she was told. I was so not in the mood. They took forever to sit down and to open the menu. Crazy brought her own coffee so I knew she didn’t need anything to drink. Finally, she told me what she wanted. “I want that one egg on the little..whadaya call it… the little uh…thingy…” “Biscuit?” I ask. “”Yes. Biscuit!” “Yeah, we don’t have those anymore since we changed the menu about five months ago and we have never had them on a weekday.” Crazy was so confused then. Crazier wasn’t eating. Water was all she needed. I left Crazy to stew in her addled confusion. She finally ordered two scrambled eggs and rye toast. But then she called me over later to bring her another glass of water because her sister had touched it. Whatever, Crazy. Crazier touched your glass and your crazy ass can’t handle it? That’s because you’re Crazy. I think she was still upset that she wasn’t eating a biscuit.
When she left she had a big discussion with me about how Madonna supposedly moving into the neighborhood and that maybe she would come to the restaurant some day. Uh huh. Madonna is really going to Vogue her Material World ass into my station to have a seven dollar plate of eggs. Crazier had already meandered out of the restaurant mumbling to herself. I looked at the check presenter and she left me a dollar which was really no big deal, because she only spent seven bucks. She got on my nerves but I sorta felt bad for her being saddled with the Crazier sister and all. I suddenly wished we had biscuits to give to her. A nice big soggy biscuit. If you don’t know the definition of a soggy biscuit, click the link. Beware. It ain’t nice. At all. You have been warned. soggy biscuit definition.