Hello, is this thing on? It’s been ages and ages since I’ve written a blog post, but here I go.
Last week I was blocked on Facebook for seven days. After I appealed the decision, they admitted that they “got it wrong” and two days later they reinstated my privilege of posting memes and bullshit on their stupid fucking platform. You probably didn’t notice that I was blocked because I have a couple of team members who can post to the page on my behalf.
The reason I was blocked was for bullying and harassing. The person I was accused of perpetrating this horrible crime upon was a woman who freely posted a video on TikTok about stealing a guacamole bowl. I shared the video and then boom: I was harassing her.
It was sort of like last year when I posted a video of a woman who spit on a server. I called that woman “trash.” Well, Daddy Zuckerberg didn’t like that and I was blocked for seven days. I guess calling a piece of trash a piece of trash isn’t okay. Since this is my own blog and not Facebook or Meta or whatever the fuck they call themselves these days, I can say whatever I want, so buckle your seatbelts, bitches. It’s gonna be a bumpy ride.
This is the video that most recently got me into trouble:
I said nothing on Facebook about this PIECE OF TRASH (that felt good to type) because I didn’t want to get into trouble. All I said was something like, “this is is probably the same person who complains that the price of guacamole is so expensive.” Other people made reference to her appearance or the Spice Girls posters on the wall, but I did not. Yet, I was the one who was blocked.
Facebook will let someone post that Joe Biden didn’t win the presidency (he did) or that children aren’t susceptible to Covid (they are) or that the vaccine isn’t safe (it is), but heaven forbid I share a video of a woman bragging about stealing restaurant property. This PIECE OF TRASH (it felt even better typing it the second time) was proud of her thievery. That’s why she posted it on TikTok, right? She clearly wanted the attention or she wouldn’t have put it out there in the first place. I did this PIECE OF TRASH (three times in two paragraphs? My refractory period hasn’t been this robust since college) a favor by posting the video on my Facebook page. I did facebook a favor too, because that video was getting lots of engagement and we all know that’s all they fucking care about it.
Since I refrained from saying what I truly wanted to say about the thieving guacamole bowl lady, I will now say what I wish I had said originally:
Stop stealing from restaurants, you sad excuse for a customer. Restaurants have had it hard enough these last two years without people like you dropping fucking guacamole bowls into their purses. How fucking gross are you? Did you even bother to clean it before you shoved it in there? Or maybe you crammed it under your clothes. That way you had guacamole stains on the front of your sweater and on the inside of it. These aren’t souvenirs for you to remember your big fucking day out at Chili’s or Perkins. It’s not a coaster or a matchbox, it’s restaurant property. Stop stealing it and stop stealing pint glasses, margarita glasses, salt and pepper shakers, sugar caddies, silverware, plates, or anything else. The only thing you should be walking out with when you leave a restaurant is what you came in with and anything else you paid for. Besides, avocados are expensive and we know your broke ass can’t afford to buy any to make your own guacamole. You’re probably gonna use that bowl to hold nasty ass ponytail holders or spare change, you LITERAL FUCKING TRASH. (God, I need a cigarette)
And so concludes my first blog post in many, many months. It was full of vitriol, bitchiness and foul language. Just like old times.
Oh, and fuck you, Facebook.