There are so many clueless customers wandering about in our world and ending up in our restaurants. Each day, we come across one who is more pea brained than the one before and I feel it is my duty to educate these people so their brains can grow beyond the size of a pea and maybe aspire to be as big as a green grape or maybe even a walnut. Today’s uneducated customer is Gaby who does not recommend a restaurant called Spitz and the reason she does not recommend them has got to be the stupidest, most ridiculous reason I have ever come across.
Short version: Gaby wanted a place to eat her leftover tacos and do some work on her laptop while enjoying the sunshine. Because of road construction, I guess her usual park bench, milk crate, or flattened out cardboard box that she usually sits on was unavailable so she went to Spitz to sit on their patio.
Says Gaby: “I realize we didn’t purchase our food from them but I did not expect them to come outside and tell us to leave.”
Really, Gaby? You thought it would be alright for you to take up a table at a restaurant that you didn’t order food from? A “tiny little outdoor table” is just as important as an “indoor booth.” Did you think they would welcome you with open arms and thank you for using up space reserved for paying customers? Wake up and smell the idiocy, Gaby.
“If I owned a restaurant and a someone wanted to sit at my outdoor table and work on their laptop I would never go and tell them to leave,” she says.
Here is my suggestion to you, Gaby. Please do go and open a restaurant and let us know where it is. That way, we can all show up to it with our homemade sandwiches or something that came from Spitz and sit in your establishment. We will also bring our laptops and work there all day long using your wifi. You will have free wifi, right, because you totally should. You absolutely must. And then, when you have a customer who wants to actually pay money to sit in your restaurant but all of the tables are full with those of us eating leftover tacos, you can just tell them, “sorry, we’re fully booked.” And then at the end of the day when you are counting your receipts, you will realize why you can’t let non-paying customers use your restaurant as a place to hang out. That’s what fucking parks are for. Come on, Gaby.
Maybe Gaby just doesn’t see what she did as wrong, but I am hopeful that my gentle and nurturing lesson in restaurant etiquette will clear things up for her. I am also hopeful that she will see the error in her taco eating ways and eventually delete this review. Surely if enough of us share this post, it will make its way back to her and she’ll be all, “Oh my god, thank you, Bitchy Waiter. Thank you for teaching me that I am not the most important person in the world and that a business owner has every right to ask someone to leave if they aren’t a paying customer. I know now and the next time I want to eat leftover tacos in the sunshine while working on my laptop, I will walk past all the construction until I find an appropriate place to do so. God bless, you Bitchy Waiter. You’re the greatest.”
You’re welcome, Gaby.