Lazy Husband Puts Literally No Effort Into Wife’s Birthday

News alert: everyone in the world has a birthday. In fact, the US Census Bureau reports that there are 361,481 babies born each day around the world which means that there are 251 babies born worldwide every minute. In the time it takes for you to read this blog post, there will be over 500 more babies born and a good percentage of those babies will eventually turn up in your restaurant and want something for free. Having a birthday is literally no big deal and it is not the responsibility of the restaurant to make sure your day is special. Well, someone didn’t get the memo.

A husband last week made a dinner reservation for his wife’s birthday and it appears that he wanted the restaurant to make the day special for her while he did absolutely nothing except type in some special requests:

A quiet are/table for privacy for my wife, Qiaoer, celebrating her birthday. Some flowers. Calla lilies are her favorites, roses work too, if available. A nice card. A small cake after dinner with “Happy Birthday.”

Really, dude? Are you planning on doing anything for your wife or are you just going to depend on total strangers at a restaurant to come through for you? It’s one thing to mention that it’s your wife’s birthday, but c’mon! What fucking restaurant has a bunch of calla lilies laying around for a customer’s birthday? And it’s so nice of you to let them know that “roses work too,” because we all know that if a restaurant is out of calla lilies, they will 100% totally for sure have roses. They keep them in the walk-in right next to the tulips, peonies, birds of paradise, daffodils and the corned beef that will be the special next Saturday for St. Patrick’s Day. And a nice card? This isn’t the fucking Hallmark store, sir, it’s a restaurant. And who is supposed to sign it, the staff? I can see it now:

“Happy birthday, Qiaoer! Thank you for dining with us on your special day. Hey, did you know your name sounds like quinoa? LOL. Love, Brittney the Hostess”

And you also want a small cake? Not a slice of cake, mind you, but a small cake. I’m sure the pastry chef/dessert line cook is going to whip up a little mini cake for you and your wife using a specially purchased cake pan that is just big enough to make a “small cake” for all those assholes who can’t be bothered to stop at a bakery to actually buy a birthday cake for his wife. And that cook is surely going to filly a pastry bag with icing and pipe the words “happy birthday” onto it since your wife’s being born is the most important thing to happen since the other 250 people were born in the last 60 seconds.

People have every right and expectation to go into a restaurant to celebrate their birthday. I do it myself each year. However, I don’t expect the restaurant to pull out some calla lilies and shoot off fireworks for me. In fact, I don’t even tell them it’s my birthday because I don’t want to give them the impression that I am fishing for something free. Our birthdays are the responsibility of ourselves and our friends and family.

As for you, Qiaoer, I hope in the future that your husband can at least make a little bit of an effort for your birthday instead of sending a ridiculous list of requests to a restaurant. You deserve more than flowers, cake and a card from people you don’t know. Not like the restaurant did any of that. I mean, what restaurant would? And that probably means that your birthday consisted of having dinner with your lazy ass husband at a hopefully quiet table for privacy. Ironic that he wants privacy yet invited the whole staff to help him out with your birthday, isn’t it? Happy birthday, Qiaoer.

5 thoughts on “Lazy Husband Puts Literally No Effort Into Wife’s Birthday

  1. Janum

    We had a florist we would recommend and would set up delivery. Our pastry chef would bake whatever you wanted. You better believe you’re paying for it all & you better give notice. Pick up the phone. It really isn’t that difficult.

  2. mike

    I worked at restaurants for years and could never understand firstly why anybody would even think for one second that a place of business is in any way shape or form obligated to do anything beyond MAYBE wishing somebody a happy birthday if they are made aware of it. Beyond that what sort of entitled feeling asshole came up with the assumption that anybody owes tem anything on their birthday? Karen is 100% correct: charge the clowns up the ass. If the touchholes get offended and choose to take their business elsewhere, fuck ’em

  3. B

    Had one guy ask that we hand write a card that said,
    ‘You look so sexy tonight’.
    How would she feel if she knew a total stranger wrote that for her? Probably as creeped out as I did Reading that sentence.

  4. Karen

    Yes this guy is super lazy but unfortunately he is not alone. When I see reservations requests like this I hate but also enjoy them because we charge the crap out of them for all this ‘special’ stuff.
    You want flowers on the table? That’s gonna be $100.
    You want a special heart shaped cake with a message on it? That’s gonna be $75.
    Champagne and rose petals sprinkled on the table? $350.
    Bring it on chump – cause I’m gonna milk your lazy ass for all I can!!!
    Half of the time when we call to confirm the reservation and tell them the costs – they sheepishly say ‘Nevermind’. They others say ‘OK – whatever’ just to make the Mrs. happy.


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