Petty Server Alert

We all have ways of “getting even” with our tables when they upset us somehow. Maybe you are one of those servers who intentionally farts over and over again, each time you pass by them releasing the noxious fumes of that plate of nachos you had on your two minute break in the kitchen. Or perhaps you have had a customer who mistreated you the whole time you were serving them, so you told them that their credit card had been declined even though it hadn’t. (This is especially great when that customer is someone who is making a big deal about paying for everyone and you announce the declined credit card within earshot of the rest of the table.) Maybe just shoving your hands into your apron and furiously flipping them off when you know they can’t see it is enough for you. My point is that we all have things we do to help us feel better about serving an asshole. It won’t change their behavior but it soothes our souls.

I thought I was King of Petty Behavior Land, but then Mae comes along and usurps my throne:

I got something petty for you. When a table stiffs me and they paid with their card and their name is on the slip, I look up their Facebook page and report it as being a fake account.

Damn, Mae. Petty much? What kind of person are you to use your valuable time looking up a perfect stranger on Facebook just so that you can report their page as being fake? Do you really think that is the best thing to do because someone didn’t leave you a tip? And does Facebook even care? What, this person might get a notice from Facebook and then they have to fill out a form or something proving they are a real person? And then maybe that person spends hours wondering who in the world would report their page as being fake. Mae, that is the pettiest, lowest, biggest waste of time I have ever heard of and you know what?

I fucking love it.

Why not have everyone at the restaurant all log into Facebook (on their own time of course, because cell phone use is strictly prohibited while on the floor, right?) and all of you report that account as being fake? That way, maybe Facebook will really take notice of this suspicious account and that cheap asshole will have their account deleted and you can live your life knowing that even though you still didn’t get a tip, at least you made their life inconvenient for a bit of time.

Petty? You bet.

Necessary? Absolutely not.

Worth it? Hell yeah!

I wait tables and bitch about it on my blog, The Bitchy Waiter.

9 thoughts on “Petty Server Alert

  1. So I worked for YEARS at this Chinese restaurant. Being a small business I was the only server, the only employee that was not a family member and I worked a split shift every day. 11 am – 2 pm for the lunch buffet and 5 pm – 9 pm for dinner.

    Now people are cheap when it comes to tipping for the lunch buffet and I swear I work harder in those 3 hours clearing plate after plate for 100-200 greedy over-eaters, filling water’s, carrying hot catering trays to and from the buffet, and cashing all of their cheap butts out. I’d sweat everyday running around that restaurant in the afternoon and tips averaged less than a dollar per person.

    So there was this group of 6-8 people that worked together and would come in every Wednesday. They never once in the 6 years I worked there left a SINGLE dollar on the table between the lot of them. Now the fattest member of the group was, oddly enough, a water drinker. So if these buffet-eating cheapos drink soda, they fill their drinks for themselves, but it’s my job to refill waters and this obese man drank a LOT of water.

    After 6 years of these same people disrespecting me by offering zero token of appreciation for my service, I was in a mood one day and after I saw their stingy faces I decided to have my passive aggressive revenge, singling out the overweight over-hydrator as my victim.

    Every time he called out to me for more water “Excuse me, miss” I breezed right by him as if I had heard not a sound. i maintained this selective deafness throughout their meal and the man only got one glass of water (the one I set down when the group arrived) of his usually (6 or more).

    I hope my boss wasn’t too too mad that they didn’t come back after that day.

  2. Campers hate crop dusting…..
    We all get those people from time to time that dont realize we work for tips or just dont care and after the meal they just sit and talk for hours while during a buzy friday nite and you have 3 or 4 tables. Turn over is everything in this business. So one if they tip me well enough to eat that hour fine we cool. If not after 30 to 45 mins. I will crop dust every time I walk by. If the first one dont get em to go the second one always got the job done. RTSSINDY

  3. Back in the day before digital cameras, when belligerent guests asked me to take their picture, I’d cut their heads off. Can’t do that anymore….

  4. YEARS ago I worked at the Olive Garden. Probably late 80s. Some left a nasty comment in the holder by the door. This was before internet. I pulled it and in my secretary voice I told him I was with the IRS. We were doing an AUDIT. We would be at his house 9am on Mo day. PLEASE have 5 years of records ready. I dont know if he fell for it. But it felt good.

  5. My favorite is when they tip super shitty, just to make the slip an even dollar. So I’ll make it a penny less. For instance, is there check was $46.88, and they tip $3.12 to make it an even $50, I enter it as $3.11. I know it’s costing me a penny but the satisfaction of knowing when they look at their account and a big fat $49.99 is there is totally worth it. I’m also borderline OCD so maybe this holds more to me for that.

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