Old Man 100% Knows How He Wants His Diet Coke

More and more lately, it seems popular for customers to have their own business cards printed up with all their special needs and requests listed on it in an effort to make life easier for their server. Well, at least that’s what the owners of those cards probably try to tell themselves, but most of us know it’s because they don’t want to waste their valuable time and oxygen on us lowly servers. Case in point is Old Pa Shaw here who is pretty damn specific with his beverage requirements:

Dear server. I would like a large diet coke with 1 inch of Dr. Pepper or Mr. Pipp & 3 limes. Thanks so much. Old Pa Shaw.

So many questions I have for Old Pa Shaw…

  • What made you go with the lovely beach scape photo for your business card? Why not a photo of a crotchety old man sitting on his front porch screaming at children to stay off of his lawn? It would make more sense.
  • Why did you capitalize Dr. Pepper and Mr. Pibb, but not Diet Coke? Do you have something against the Coca-Cola company? Very rude.
  • What if the restaurant doesn’t have Diet Coke? Does the ratio stay the same with Diet Pepsi?
  • And speaking of availability, what restaurant have you ever been to that serves Mr. Pibb? Is that even still around? Were these cards printed thirty years ago?
  • How can you be sure that every restaurant will be using the same size glass to ensure that your “1 inch” measurement remains consistent? An 8 ounce glass with one inch of Dr. Pepper will not be the same as a 16 ounce glass with one inch of Dr. Pepper. Very confusing.
  • Do you provide a ruler for your server to measure the Dr. Pepper/Mr. Pibb? If it’s only three quarters of an inch, will you survive?
  • Is the inch measured before the ice is added to the glass or after? Actually, do you even want ice? This card is not specific enough.
  • Three limes? Do you mean lime wedges, lime wheels, lime halves or whole fucking limes that the server can just shove into a glass? We need specifics!!
  • What kind of name is Old Pa Shaw? Did you used to be on The Waltons?
  • Lastly, what would your feelings be if a waiter gave you this card:

Discussion

  1. Jefe
    • dave
    • Stephanie
      • Kaos
        • Amy
    • Jessica
    • Kaos
    • Amy
    • Markie
  2. KarenL
  3. Imyer Huckleberry
  4. Jessica

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