An Open Letter to This Lazy Waiter

14877742_10157562610335459_846318685_nDear Lazy Waiter,

While I understand it’s not your fault that the fries weren’t hot enough, it is your responsibility to do your best to serve hot food. When a customer receives a plate with french fries that are just barely above room temperature, you should want to do your best to make it right for them. After all, good service will help you get a bigger tip, right? If you are going to take the plate of lukewarm food back to the kitchen, I would hope that you will be doing so in order to ask for some fries more recently out of the fryer. What I don’t expect for you to do is to simply hold the plate under the heat lamp hoping that will do the trick. It won’t. That light bulb was designed to keep hot food warm, not make warm food hot. The only thing that’s going to do is make the plate too hot to handle.

I get it. You don’t want to bother the cooks because you’re pretty sure they hate you and your cool hipster beard. Or they’re too busy smoking cigarettes out by the dumpster. Or maybe you are even lazier than I am, which is hard to believe because I’m pretty fucking lazy. But just holding the plate under the heat lamp is the equivalent of bringing someone a cup of coffee when they asked for a cappuccino: it’s half-assed. And if you’re going to do anything this half-assed, at least do it where no one can see you. Dude, you work in an open kitchen. We can see you. We can see you being a lazy bitch. I don’t normally call other servers “lazy bitches” but since I am one myself, I can do that. It takes a lazy bitch to know a lazy bitch. You, sir, are a lazy bitch.

I’m sure when you took the plate back to the table, the customer looked at it and said, “Ummm, really? These are the same fries.” And you were all, ‘No, I got the cooks to give you new ones.” And they were like, “I watched you just hold the plate under a light.” And then you denied it until they pulled out their cell phone and showed you the picture they took of your lazy ass holding some french fries under a heat lamp. Boom:unnamed

Look, the next time a customer tells you the food isn’t hot enough, just apologize and then figure out what you need to do to fix it. It’s our job. We can complain about it until the cows come home, but no amount of bitching is going to make those french fries hot again. It doesn’t matter if it was your fault or not. We are the ones who take the blame. Suck it up, tell the kitchen you need some new fries and move on. And never forget that there is always someone with a cell phone recording your every move.

Mustard and mayo,
The Bitchy Waiter

p.s. I realize you might be, in fact, a great guy. I also know that this photo was sent to me without any explanation so I was forced to use my imagination as to what may be happening in this moment. I hope you’re cool with it.

19 thoughts on “An Open Letter to This Lazy Waiter

  1. Pingback: An Open Letter to This Lazy Waiter - Premier Food Safety® - Food Safety Certification

  2. Cam

    Look, I don’t have any intention of bashing your blog. It’s satire, I get it. You just unfortunately used a picture of one of the most beloved and amazing people in the community who is so very much the exact opposite of lazy and apathetic that you just struck a nerve that is unfortunately causing a lot of vitriol. I know you didn’t mean it, and now the person in the pic knows how loved he is despite your post. May I always be waited on by him, so that I may have a blessed life with good conversation.

    1. Craig

      Because this is a person and this blog could effect their employment. I don’t see the humor in possibly getting someone fired because someone wanted to makeup a story. Be an adult and say something directly to the person if you have an issue. Don’t run home and blog about it.

  3. Doodles

    If I didn’t know this server personally, just from looking at the picture I would say it looks like he was just handed the fries and is waiting for more food to be delivered. Oh wait, I DO know this server personally! He is one of the smartest, funniest, kindest people I know, and has an amazing work ethic too (oh, and outstanding taste in music!).

    Since I don’t know you, bitchy waiter blogger, I’m going to assume things about you from the picture you have painted about yourself with your not-so-witty words. You clearly have a superiority complex, and think you are better than other waiters. You throw out insults with disclaimers, pretending to relate to what others are going through, while in reality you are imposing your own attributes on them. Just because YOU would do something as lazy as holding the fries under the heat lamp doesn’t mean this server is doing that. In fact, upon closer examination of the picture, does that plate even contains fries? Could be a burger.

    Your disdain for other humans is showing, you might want to tuck that in.

    1. smellslikedumbinhere

      Surely you’re not this dim. This isn’t just a joke blog post; it’s a joke blog post that’s purposely written as broadly as possible to crash right into absurdity. If you really do know the guy in the picture and if he’s as great as you say, he most certainly thinks you’re a cretinous cunt.

  4. TheDefender

    Ok, first off, I love how he thinks he’s a bitch *eye roll* he’s clearly never met a real one. He’s simply more of a bitching waiter cz clearly all he does is just bitch!

    Second, what Danny said. He very well could have JUST recieved the fries and is trying to keep them warm until the rest of the food comes, which is quite the opposite of being a lazy waiter; but someone so negative would never see that.

    I love how Shannon came to this defense by trying to call Megan out on how “she doesn’t know what’s going on.” *laugh’s historically* neither does your bitching boy here & he admits it. Hypocritical much?

    I know the guy in the pic. He’s actually a very friendly, “go out of his way for someone” type of guy, so your description of him is pretty far off. This is the only blog I read and you can already tell the “author” is a miserable soul that projects onto others by talking shit to make himself feel better. That’s a sad SAD life to live. Get REAL help, dude. See a therapist.

    P.S. we know yours is an add-on after someone called your whinny know-nothing ass out

    1. Santa

      Great take down, Defender. Nothing shows off the old noggin’ power like writing a deadly serious response to a lightweight fictional riff on a random picture. Next time maybe you can do a line by line refutation of “Weird Al” Yankovic’s vicious Michael Jackson parody “Eat It.” Thanks for saving the world.

  5. Danny

    The dude is clearly waiting for more food to come to the tray to the right. He’s keeping the fries hot. Doesn’t look lazy, looks pro-active. This blog post is asinine and over-reactive.

  6. Shannon

    Megan you don’t even know that’s what was happening. Read the blog post. This was a picture sent to him by someone else and this entire rant is a made-up story by someone who admits to being a lazy waiter. Clearly it’s something the writer would do since it’s such a specific story that he came up with based on a picture with zero context.

  7. Shannon

    As a self-proclaimed lazy waiter it sounds like you’re projecting your own lack of work ethic into someone you don’t know in a situation you weren’t even at.

    What a joke. Both you and this blog. If you think you’re clever I’ve got news for you, your serving skills aren’t the only thing you’re lazy about. Your humor and writing skills could use some time under a heat lamp.

    1. Santa

      And you could use a some time in a remedial reading comprehension class. The post is faux-imperious and over the top. It couldn’t be any more tongue in cheek if it was sitting on your face. The fact that you think it’s actually meant as any kind of genuine critique of the guy in the photo suggests that the plate he’s holding has a few IQ points on you.

  8. Ricky

    You people are awful disgusting people that clearly have nothing better to with your then pick on people with a minimum wage job, get a life losers

  9. Ricky

    Wow coming from someone who uses a website called bitcy waiter, I can only assume you don’t have very positive things to say ever. I’m sure after calling yourself a lazy person there have been more than a few complains about you. I personally don’t know this poor guy but I’m sure he does a great job, like you’ve never had a bad customer before. Further more you attacking someone’s beard and style is just childishness. I hope you eat some makeup cause you you sound ugly inside. Best regards to you always being the victim of bad service

    1. Megan

      Ricky, sounds like you are this lazy waiter since there’s absolutely nothing to indicate “he does a great job” and nothing to warrant your vitriolic response. And if you think someone who can’t even be bothered to fire new fries for you is a great server you either have horribly low expectations or you don’t know wtf you are talking about. I’m guessing both.


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