Constance Hall from Queen of Constance
There are a lot of blogs out there with very specific demographics. Currently, you are reading one that falls under the “Disgruntled Food Service Workers” category. Another popular category is one called “Mommy Bloggers” and just typing those two words makes me want to go buy a box of condoms and hand them out to random straight people on the street. One such “mommy blog” is called Queen of Constance by a woman named Constance Hall. She recently wrote a blog post called “Eating out with the Turds” and it’s about going out to dinner with her children who, I suppose, she calls “turds.” It’s the one thing in the blog post that I can agree with: her children are definitely turds. She also constantly refers to herself as a MILF. I never knew that women described themselves that way; I thought it was just something people whispered about some women behind their back.
She writes about how she took her kids to a restaurant and when they were misbehaving, the waitress seemed all too eager to clamp down on the rules and spoil the fun. She claims that this particular waitress practically orgasmed at the thought of judging her parenting skills. Based on what she describes her children doing, it seems to me she has no parenting skills to judge.
“The kids couldn’t get enough room on the table so they took their colouring to the corner on the floor.”
“Billie-Violet decided she wanted Arlo’s colouring in, she snatched it. He screamed at her and pulled her hair, she sat on him and got him in a head lock.”
“Meanwhile Arlo had gone outside, grabbed his scooter and was hooning through the restaurant, high fiving some, crashing into others.”
When she goes to pay the bill, she hears the waitress talking to another waitress about the “feral” children so Mommy Blogger tells them, “It’s usual protocol to wait until customers have left the building before bitching about them.”
Here’s the deal, MILF. When a server sees that level of bad behavior in a child, we are unable to wait until you leave to talk about you because it’s so mind-blowing to us that people are okay with their children riding scooters through a fucking restaurant. It’s like when you watch the finale of a TV show and you are desperate to talk about it to someone. If we don’t talk about it, we will burst.
Constance goes on to say that she eventually makes it to Jamie Oliver’s restaurant with her demon, hell-children and when they start to pole dance on a railing and sees another waitress heading over to her, she tenses up her MILF vagina ready to defend herself. But the waitress surprises her and says, “Excuse me, please don’t feel that you need to control the kids, at Jamie’s we are very pro children behaving like children, you just relax and enjoy your evening.” This makes Mommy Blogger know she has found her restaurant! This is the place where she can be her hot, sexy, MILF self while her kids ride scooters, pole dance, pull hair, color on the fucking walls, scream at the top of their lungs and dismember stray cats if they want. Kids will be kids!
However, she didn’t eat at Jamie’s because the line was too long. She plans on it though and says she now gets “a very special slightly sexual tingly feeling” when she sees Jamie Oliver on TV. I guess she gets turned on by chefs who don’t give a shit about children behaving like human beings with manners and I’m sure Jamie Oliver can’t wait for his chance to jump her MILF bones in Booth 11 as they both ignore her kids in the corner as they draw on the wall with spaghetti sauce.
Keep it up, Constance, keep it up. You sound like you’re raising some real great kids there. Good job.
Yeah, I really want this in my section. From Queen of Constance
Christy
This is so true all i want as a server is a parent to be a parent! Kids need to learn how to act in public and if going out to eat cant be mastered i feel for them in future end of story. From this fed up sponge
Alyssa
I don’t know if I’ve ever hated someone more than I hate this woman. I hate her , I hate the man who willingly chose to procreate with her, I hate her parents for how terribly they raised her, I hate her horrible offspring, and I hate their future offspring who will no doubt be just as awful as they are. The world would be better off if her entire family line just died in a fiery car crash. It sounds harsh, I know, but I don’t feel bad about it.
Beth
WOW!
“The world would be better off if her entire family line just died in a fiery car crash”.
That’s really fxcking harsh!
Alyessa, I think you need to seek help for your emotional wellbeing, carrying that amount of hate around isn’t healthy!
Raichu
Wow, half the comments on here are about how ugly she is.
I’m almost as blown away by the fact that it’s never been more obvious to me that appearance is society’s primary way of judging women, as I am by how horridly she and her children behave in restaurants.
A lose-lose.
outhousecat
I believe that had she not called herself a MILF, there would likely not be any comments on her appearance. In other words, she brought up her appearance so that makes it fair game.
Joey B
Hello Bitchy! Hello everyone ! I love you !!!!I fuckin really do -even if u don’t know me – I worked wif y’all …. Where do I begin ? I been following Bitchy since 2012 and D. Cardosa did prolly more to service industry than st.Martha did to Catholic Church .Bitchy ,U are my hero!!!! People don’t understand the amount of the shit and abuse we go thru every day .Everyone is in so much hurry & so fuckin spoiled …I work 3 jobs (& I am happy to have them -I never greet anyone with sour face -trust me) .Last Sunday a Lady calls about 9 am stating they will be 18 People strong and hungry needing a table Right Away cuz they are coming from a Church (Christian Church in SF valley CA) …I politely answer Ma’am We will do our best to seat and serve You but can not take a reaevation or guarantee you will get your food fast …If you come here this Sunday at 10:30 – chances are it WILL be busy ….. She kept going on -demanded to talk to someone else ” who is in charge over there ” I wanted to say ” bring Moses with his staff so maybe he can part the crowds for you & also pray a little harder …maybe Jezus loves you but we think you’re an asshole ” I shared that with my coworkers and they knew that person and the church she goes to -Van Nuys -California -Church On the Way -I been waiting on these pricks for 2 decades and still waiting to cash out their ” tips” given in geezus mony .Mayby they have value in heaven ,u think ? I love all of u and wish u best and Godspeed and 20% and Bitchy ….I fucking so LOVE YOU and may Parker live for ever and may your cocktail be strong -hugs to your Husband .Fuck the sidework 🙂
Anonymous
If I acted like that in a restaurant when I was a kid, my mom would have taken me home and given me a well-deserved swat on the ass.
Joey B
THAnK You ! same here ! I have beeing taken out early in my life and given education and culture -I was so lucky because of my Mother knew and did her best & I always joke like this ” If I ever behaved like these table of fuckers -she would slapped me so hard -I would be still looking at my ass like Meryl Streep in Death Becomes Her ” We had contests in my Family -Who can behave better around the table and eat like a Person should -with utensils , no open mouth , treating your dining partners with respect and dignity .I was brought up in Poland but now I’m sending You love from Cali , Anonymous – I hope You have a good one :)) this Little Isia (my name) saw You
dead_elvis
Man, female anatomy is soooo confusing. I had no idea some women could squeeze turds out of their vag.
Joey B
U may had been confused
Amber
I once had a guest tell me that when they were a server they would purposely “run into” out of control kids who were running ramped through the restaurant. This apparently was very effective in getting the kids to go back to their table, but those were different times I suppose.
I’ve been lucky to have a lot of well behaved children in my time as a server. I even had a few families become regulars because their kids liked me so much… just goes to show that it is possible to not raise entitled brats.
Teripie
After reading a few of her blog posts, I came to the conclusion that I think she’s trying to be funny; she’s just not succeeding too well. Her picture on the blog looks to be intentionally unsexy, unattractive, and the humorous results of family and kids. And seriously, no one calls themselves a MILF, except in jest. It’s such a stupid chauvinistic term in my opinion.
Sorry Not Sorry
That considers itself a MILF? She looks like a hot mess! Not to mention psycho! She needs to stop breeding ASAP. People like her give good mothers a bad name! UGH! Can you imagine what her “turds” are going to grow up to be? Smh. Woman get some sense and control you damn kids. No body wants to deal with that in a public place!
Sharon
The ugliness of her nasty mustache and tacky sasquatch eyebrows is eclipsed by the hideousness of her hair.
I would call her a MWNH. (Mom who needs hygiene.) I swear she looks like a walking STD.
Ex Freo Girl
That old moll’s sun weathered visage makes an old jackaroo’s RM Williams boots appear supple by comparison! She’s wrinklier than a dead dingo’s donger and old salty crocs have backs smoother than her cheeks. And she fancies herself as a MILF. Too funny.
On the bright side she lives in the world’s most isolated city — Perth — so chances are she’s never gonna darken the doorstep of most eateries. Even the generous handouts she gets courtesy of Australian taxpayers would barely cover the price of bus ticket for her and her “turds” to cross the WA state border let alone a plane ticket out of the country.
I hope authorities are monitoring her blogs for unreported income and, should she ever DARE to litigate against a restaurant when her kids get injured, the content is held as evidence of her deliberate provocations of restaurant staff.
CincyDrunk
Thank god this bitch has never been to my restaurant. And MILF? I’ll agree with above comments. You do not know what that means, you overly-botoxed cow. I’m also grateful 95% of kids that I encounter are well-behaved and polite. We had a screamer tonight, and I was shocked to see dad walking the little tyke outside.
I also had a kid from one of my tables hug me once. That was…. awkward.
Serenity
One nihgt, I was slammed busy, the only server on, and my food was taking forever bc the kitchen was busy. I FIN ALLY had an order ready, and ws taking it out on a large oval tray. Some kid RAN full speed into my leg, jit his hard head on my shin, ouch! and of course, I lost the entire tray. The kid was fine, unlike me, and the people who then had to wait even LONGER for their food, yet the parents glared at me the whole night as if it was my fault for not seeing (and being able to dodge) their dumb ass kid that they allowed to run through a crowded, busy restaurant. My manager even bought them dessert…I told him we should be making them pay for the other diner’s food, rather then giving them something, smh.
Serenity
*than
Dave j
This woman needs to be sterilized so she can’t infect the gene pool with her non-parenting.
Oh My!
Let’s be clear here… by “turds” she is calling her kids little shits, and that is what they are. NOT the shit. JUST SHITS! If anyone is to blame for YOUR children being referred to as such it is you, my dear, stupid, woman. Bless her heart. She will probably find this lovely blog and try to justify herself, and it won’t happen. Good luck. NO ONE wants your or your family (or anyone like you) in their restaurant!
Nanc
MILF?!
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
(said in my best Inigo Montoya voice).
dead_elvis
Moron I’d Like to Flense?
Lymar
This Milf needs to teach her kids how to behave at restaurants. It’s a restaurant not a playground where your kids can jump on booths and ride their scooters around.
Skinnymom35
Being kid friendly doesn’t mean it is a free for all for you brat children. The restaurant is not your babysit while you sit and chill. You should control your kids. And it isn’t only the staff judging you. It is the entire restaurant that is being intruded on by your monsters.
Jeri Velgreen
Here’s a similar tale…
https://customercrap.wordpress.com/2016/01/01/hellspawn-tales-of-the-used-to-be-rich-and-no-longer-famous/
Kim
So I actually took the time to figure out who that was and you would figure she would be the last one to subject people to crappy treatment. But the public no longer surprises me anymore after working with them for so long.
Karma Girl
I’ve been trying to figure it out and it’s driving me crazy!
Tipsykit
I was carrying a giant tray loaded with heavy glassware once and somebody’s toddler below my line of sight ran full tilt into my legs. I knocked the kid sprawling right on her ass. I managed not to completely fall over but I went to my knees and the glassware all went shattering into the tiles. And of course I got it for not “watching where I was going” despite the fact that the giant tray prevented me from seeing things lower than about waist height.
Taryn
I’ve actually explained this to parents before! It’s common sense that if you are carrying an object in front of you, that you can’t see under it. I’d like to see one of them come out unscathed on moving day, assuming they carry their own boxes. I had a kid once run into me full speed while I was taking an order, luckily I wasn’t holding anything. Kid bounced off me and knocked himself about 5 ft back. And screamed and cried until they placated him with treats because he was “hurt”..
Dee Dee
Why is it when people have children, they seem to think that the world revolves around them and their spawn? It’s as if in their minds they are saying “I can do whatever I want because I have a baby!” It’s sickening and a disgusting excuse for your otherwise terrible manners. Yet, as a bystander or employee who may be witness (or often victim) to said poor manners, if you politely say anything you are just the “childless yuppie” who “has no compassion” or “doesn’t understand how hard it is to be a mother”. It takes a special level of narcissism to think and act like these modern breeders do. Single-handedly, overpopulating the planet one “accident at a time”.
Kessie
Her photo of herself made me think “Cruella De Vil!” :O
emily
I am a server and i get fed up of having to dodge kids running around the place. The thing is as soon as a serve tripped over the child or dropped something or spilled a hot drink over them, they would soon blame the server as being incompetent. It shocks me that parents think it is acceptable for their children to act like this. I always say to parents that when their children are well behaved and polite, which shows it is possible.
miss kitty
Seven billion humans on the planet and these are the ones who think they should make more. Every time I see this at work all I can think is ‘I hope climate change kills us all’ and ‘humanity is a f@#$ ing error’.
Oldsmobabe
Agreed 100%
Jennifer
Oh well, I just checked her blog out, and hey!!! I have to applause that her husband is getting a vasectomy!!! So less turds from this woman in the world!!! This is the things that she writes about so you can imagine how damage she is and her lack of manners. So how can we expect her parenting skills are going to be. Good luck with your life weird looking woman. I hope I never ever have the pleasure to have an encounter with you or your awful kin…
Skinnymom35
agreed
Fafaflunkie
No. Hubby should not have to suffer by having to cut off his semen stream. Instead, Ms. What Looks Like A Used Maxipad should get her (its?) tubes tied. After all, with this bitch’s attitude, she may find someone else with a penis whi was totally drunk at the time stick his where it shouldn’t be stuck in. Resulting in the shitting of another “turd.” One that will take pleasure in Ms. Maxipad’s negotiating skills. Much to the dismay of everyone around them.
This bitch is all the more reason why I would sanction the requirement that all potential parents have to pass an exam before being allowed to fornicate.
Fafaflunkie
Autocorrect sucks. Who, not whi.
Raichu
Uh, no. Getting your tubes tied is way more invasive than getting a vasectomy.
I mean this lady’s an idiot and all, but in general when a married couple wants to stop having kids, it’s logical for the 15-minute outpatient procedure to be chosen over the longer, invasive, abdomen-opening procedure instead.
outhousecat
A tubal ligation doesn’t take much longer than 15 minutes, and they do it with a scope through the belly button – OUCH (but not much) . It’s not like the woman has to be gutted from sternum to pubis. I think the poster’s point was that this woman, with her ahem, hazy values, might meet another idiot and mate, resulting in another “turd.”
Allan
“My kids once closed a resterant the owner was obviously over it but the kids were ‘kids’ and not the placid type. But as we left we apologised sorry trying to keep them under control… Owners reply TRY HARDER!!!! I was upset determined never to return but he shut the place the next day….”
“hahah this is hilarious! I’ve only been once at Jamie’s Italian (im from from perth too) and i had my 5month old then baby. While they say they are child-friendly, they certainly made me look like a turd for trying to squeeze in my pram because I didn’t say I had a pram the size of Russia. well they actually said my pram was too big! So i am yet to bring my now 2 yr old and test the child-friendliness of it!
When you go, try their burger! Ditch the pasta ?
xx”
The comments section is oh so much worse.
Nicole
Who told this lady she is a milf? Her face is old and hagard AF its probably from the stress or raising her asshole kids…I’m a server and hate people who let their kids act like that… I have two and all I have to do is look at them and they know how to behave..
Susan
I make a point of complimenting and thanking parents with well behaved, well mannered children. I also make a point of telling parents that restaurants can be quite dangerous places when their kids are out of control, and ask them to keep their kids at their tables, in their chairs. However, as an owner, I have the freedom to do so.
Meg
As a server and a parent of 3 (yes 3 kids i know its a lot) I am horrified by this woman and her “turds” (really, you call your kids turds?). When I do go out with my kids I constantly worry that other servers cringe when they see us coming. Despite that, I ensure that my kids act accordingly…if I wanted them to run around and scream I would take them to chuck e cheese. Granted every child has their moments of temper tantrums but usually when mine do I will pack up my food and bring it home because I know that I am the only person in that restaurant that signed up for this and refuse to let my children ruin anyone else’s time out or experience. As a server I see behavior like this way too often and really cannot understand how parents are okay with letting their children crawl all over, scream, bother other tables, and yes we have even had some try to come in the kitchen. I am embarrassed for parents today because so many let their kids run rampant that when we go out a lot of the time people automatically assume that mine will be the same.
Lois
Well said, Meg. I was wondering if there were any responsible parents left who would comment on this irresponsible mother. I take it dad bailed out long ago.
KYLO WREN
DADS -PLURAL – SPERM DONORS
B
Bit judgemental. She’s actually still with her kids father. All 4 have the same dad.
I don’t approve of how the kids behaved and would be absolutely mortified if mine did anything like this, but pull your heads in a bit.
Sherry
Headed over to her blog, and just had to read the comments – she’s being APPLAUDED for letting her kids act like rapid raccoons.
I live in the deep south where most (responsible) mothers would be absolutely mortified if their children acted like that in public. Mine weren’t perfect, God knows, but that would never have happened with mine.
Mel
Sorry, that should have been:
She talks about negotiating good behaviour with her kids. No, you don’t negotiate, you be a responsible parent and TELL them.
Mel
She talks about negotiating good behaviour with her kids. No, you don’t negotiate, you gbeva responsible parent and TELL them!
Raichu
MTE
You NEVER plead with your children to behave!!!
Ripley
Goodness read the blog, she’s not raising kids – SHE’S REARING TURDS. Much more difficult.