Tallywackers…
Finally, there is an all-male version of Hooters! A Dallas, Texas restaurant has opened where the servers are all men who have their tits and asses hanging out all over the place so that women and gay men can go order fried pickles and calamari for the sake of seeing some cheesecake. Tallywackers is here, y’all. According to People.com, owner Rodney Duke, spent 10 years of his life wondering why there wasn’t a restaurant like this. After finally realizing that gay men will pretty much go anywhere for a chance to stare at male ass, he opened up Tallywackers. All the servers are hot men who wear tank tops and short shorts. There were 125 applicants for the jobs and out of those, 24 lucky men were chosen to be objectified while carrying trays of hot dogs. No, seriously, they serve hot dogs and each one is an all-beef hot dog that weighs a pound because Tallywackers. Get it? I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I could take a 16 ounce hot dog without first having a few drinks and some poppers, but that’s just me. Actually, they have one called a Mac and Cheese Dog that is covered in carbs and sprinkled in bacon and I could probably take that without a blink of the eye or a nod to the sphincter.
The menu is full of double entendres like the S&M Burger (swiss and mushrooms; get your mind out of the gutter), Jerk Chicken Club and the Famous Flamer (a spicy hamburger.) What is most surprising is that they have a children’s menu. It’s not listed online, but I suppose it offers things like Spaghetti and Meatballs That Haven’t Dropped Yet, Peanut Butter and KY Jelly sandwiches and Twinkies for dessert.
The place will probably be hugely successful, and when I say “hugely” I am talking about penises, because Tallywackers. They are already planning on opening a second location in Houston and sadly, I don’t live there anymore. It’s not that I want to eat there, but I would want to try to get a job there so that when they turn me down, I can sue them for age discrimination.
“What do you mean you don’t want to hire a 48-year old fat-skinny server with Muppet hair and a concave chest? I have 25 years of experience! I can run circles around those 21-year old boys!”
“I’m sorry, sir,” they’d say. “We have a strict appearance guideline when it comes to hiring and you don’t quite…umm…measure up.”
“Hey!” I’d scream. “You don’t have to have a 16 ounce hot dog to serve a 16 ounce hot dog. You will hear from my attorneys!”
And then they’d hire the hot guy behind me who has never waited tables before but can carry a tray on his ass and serve iced tea off his pecs. Customers wouldn’t care if they ordered a pork chop center cut and mistakenly got a grilled romaine caesar salad instead as long as the salad was served by pork chop center cut.
Good luck, Tallywackers. May all your dreams come true. And I’m not just talking about the wet ones. You can check out their Facebook page here. Tell ’em Bitchy Waiter sent you.
gpt
Holy shit! “What do you mean you don’t want to hire a 48 year old skinny fat waiter that can run circles around those 21 year old’s” can I use this line during my next interview?
Gilbey
It’s Texas, it was about time the fag Harley riders got a place to hang out.
So, I guess you have to have a hairless chest and stomach to serve there? The guys might fit the generally accepted standards for being “hot” but there is no diversity and not everyone likes the same kind of guy, especially us gays. These guys look like they would suit a gaggle of menopausal women better than the diverse tastes of the gay community.
kron
Hardly!!! Menopausal women look at those men like they could be their sons!!! Definitely would rather see a more distinguished man similar to Jon Bon Jovi!!!!
Elsewhere1010
Not all menopausal women, kiddo. You’ll just have to trust me on this one.