Last week, I wrote about the first of two odd women who came into the restaurant. This is part two:
Within a few minutes of Crazy Mashed Potato Lady weeble-wobbling her way back to the bar next door to cram more starch into her eating hole, Crazy Lady #2 makes her appearance. I am leaning against the bar taking down notes when she approaches me.
“Excuse me, but are you the owner?” she asks me meekly.
Looking down at my stained apron and worn out Shoes For Crews, I let her know that I am not the owner, but a waiter.
“Oh, can I speak with the owner?” she asks. “It’s very very important.”
She seems nice and pleasant and quite normal and I assume she is applying for a job. Rather than just tell her that we aren’t hiring, I point in the direction of the owner who also happens to be the chef. He is standing behind the line trying to look busy even though the only thing that has passed through the restaurant other than Crazy Mashed Potato Lady is a tumble weed that blew through about an hour before. She takes little baby steps up to the owner and asks to speak to him in private.
“Awww, this bitch wants a job but she doesn’t have any experience so she’s gonna try to sweet talk her way into a server position,” I think.
The two of them go to Table 2 at the front if the restaurant and sit down. Coincidentally, I suddenly realize that the candles at Table 3 need to be refilled. I inch my way over so I can do some sidework/eavesdrop.
“Hello, how are you?” the woman says.
“I’m fine,” replies the owner. I can hear in his voice that his subtext is something like, “just hurry up and ask for a job because I’ve got potatoes to peel.”
“I’m so sorry to bother you on this cold night,” she continues. “Isn’t it cold?”
The owner stares at her waiting for her to get to the point. I am beginning to think she couldn’t find the point of a pencil even if someone poked her in the eye with it and gave her lead poisoning.
“Anyway,” she says, “I was wondering if you could do me a favor. I hate to ask you this, but it’s very important.”
I am beginning to think she is going to ask for a donation for a raffle prize at the local elementary school or something like that. Meanwhile, I have refilled the candles and turn my attention to the salt and pepper shakers.
“You see,” she continues, “I was hoping you could cash a check for me.”
The owner sighs heavily and his eye roll is almost strong enough to extinguish the candles I just lit. “I can’t do that,” he tells her.
“Let me explain. You see, I have a check from my job but the bank is closed and I really need the money. Times have been hard for me and I am at a loss of what to do. I can leave you my benefits card as collateral since I don’t have an ID. The only reason I don’t have an ID is because I recently lost it but I also have outstanding parking tickets so I can’t go to the DMV to get another license. You can see the predicament I’m in, can’t you? It would just mean so much to me if you could cash this check for me so I can go to the grocery store and buy some food.” She laughs nervously as if that will convince this total stranger to give her money that everyone knows he will never see again.
The owner stands up with finality assuring her that she will have to go find someone else to cash her check for her. “I’m really sorry, but I can’t help you,” he says as he backs away from the woman.
“Are you sure?” she pleads. “Did I tell you I can leave my benefits card as collateral?”
“Yeah, I’m really sorry. Have a good night.”
As he walks back to the line, the woman smiles at me. I smile back but then walk away because I know she’s about to ask me if I can spot her some money. The empty restaurant must dissuade her from asking though because she quietly slips out the door. I know that the next stop on her check cashing patrol will be the bar next door. No one there is going to cash her check either, but I do feel like if only she had a to-go container of mashed potatoes to use as collateral rather than a benefits card, she might have a chance with at least one person there.
I continue to write down details of my evening waiting until the shift ends so I can go home and blog about the slow night at work when two crazy bitches came in.
Mellie
In our neck of the wood (Bloomington, Indiana), the newest scam is to be approached in a parking lot or at a gas station by people needing $5 before their car runs out of gas. My husband and I were sitting in our car at Menard’s (a chain hardware store) one Saturday afternoon getting ready to go in and a woman drove up to our car and rolled down her window and told us she needed $5 to get to her home “in the next county” because her colostomy was getting ready to explode. This is a true freaking story. I think she thought grossing us out would make us throw money her way, but I used to work as a nurse and a nursing assistant and you CANNOT gross me out. We just told her, sorry we have no cash….I told my husband, in hindsight, I should have asked her to see it!
Mangler
I get approached at gas stations all the time. The only thing in my life that could be considered a little flashy would be my car. So people see me pull in and walk right past the other 18 people pumping gas and come straight to me.
Recently it was a man, eating burger king and holding a burger king bag with several sandwiches in it, on a cell phone. He pointed to a store across the street and said he needed $10 for a part for his car but didn’t have the cash and his Daughter was sick and (my blank stare had cured into not listening at this point), and of course pointed towards a car parked at the station. MY reply was “if you didn’t have a bag full of burger king, you’d have that $10, now go away”.
chacha1
We got the gas station approach not too long ago. From a guy who rolled up in a giant red pickup truck about eight years younger than our ten-year-old Matrix. Sorry dude, that’s a “no.”
Barreleh
I had someone offer me her SNAP card if I’d just give her money for food.
Um, sister, isn’t a SNAP card FOR getting you food???
#ONTHEFLY
what are these so-called “checks” you speak of?
judy
I have a simular story-
A guy from Texas calls the bar during happy hour with the same sob story, he says his paster from his church suggested he call on us to help him. I suggested a check cashingles place, oh no id. Sorry dude, this ain’the the bible belt. No body here is gonna fall for this bs sob story, have a nice day!!!
Mangler
That crap doesn’t fly here in the bible belt buckle either. Honesty does. Well, not always. But it’ll get you a lot farther than BS
BobbyAnn
It sounds as tho’ she may have stolen someone’s purse and can’t cash the check with the picture ID in the purse because she doesn’t look like the person she stole from, but benefits cards don’t have pics on them and besides a bank wouldn’t accept that one either.
I hate to be cynical, but I have seen this before. And if it isn’t a case of stolen goods the ID story still doesn’t make sense. What was she going to use to prove she was who she was to get a new ID if she doesn’t have ID? Too fishy – the owner made the right call.
Lauren
I worked as a pharmacy tech and people would ask us to cash checks through our drive thru window and that baffled me. When I told them to go next door to the bank they would get pissed. However, I knew it was usually fraud.
HaileyKelly
I have known people who have been struggling a lot these days, and I think compassion is the best thing to have in this situation. I feel for her. There are services that she can use but maybe she is just in a really tough jam. I’m grateful that I’ve never been in a situation like that.
Bunny
I’m not making fun of you, but you’ve obviously never lived in a big city. The ID is probably missing because it doesn’t match the stolen check and benefits card. You go to a restaurant knowing they have no conceivable way of verifying your identity. The emphasis on kindness and humility is a tactic used to manipulate the listener and persuade them to play the tiny violin we all carry in our hearts. She explained it all in one blurb because she thought out every objection in advance, and parking tickets are a good choice because nobody gets mad about unpaid parking tickets except for the local government. It’s a scam; it’s always a scam.
Signed, a woman who bought a homeless guy a carton of cigarettes to flip when she was a teenager
Anonymous
Wow… Good luck, crazy lady, even a bank won’t cash a check without ID…