Is This the Worst Thing To Ever Happen at Applebee’s?

Applebee's, here we come!

Applebee’s, here we come!

In my continuing quest to troll the Facebook pages of major chain restaurants in search of nuggets to write about, today I was on the Applebee’s page where I struck gold. Please observe this Facebook post about a man who wants to hook his friends up with an Applebee’s wedding.




Through my ever-intensive sleuthing, I was able to find the wedding announcement of this lucky couple and I would like to present it to you below:


Jim and Mary Love Each Other But They Might Love Applebee’s More

Jim Smith is proud to announce the gathering of two wonderful people who share a love for each other as well as a love for chain restaurants. Bob and Mary were just two lonely adults until they came together as one over a plate of double-glazed baby back ribs at their local Applebee’s. (The one on Highway 5, not the one at the mall, because everybody knows that only skanks and hos go to that one, duh.) Won’t you join Bob and Mary as they become one and promise to love, honor, obey and always order off the 2 for $20 menu until death do them part? Their love is sweeter than an Apple Chimicheesecake and their passion burns hotter than a Sizzling Double Barrel Whiskey Sirloin.

It seems like it was just a few short days ago that Bob and Mary first met online in the “I ♥ Applebee’s Google Group” and decided to take the plunge of actually meeting face to face. Actually, it was just a few short days ago. Although they were a little bit nervous about talking instead of typing, as soon as their server Odetta showed up to their table and told them she would be taking care of them that night, things fell into place. They began with an order of Green Bean Crispers and their hearts inched closer to one another when they realized they both wanted to skip the zesty horseradish sauce and get an extra creamy BBQ ranch dipping sauce instead. Even Odetta knew she was witnessing something magical happen. By the time Bob and Mary had licked the ramekin clean, they knew they were meant to be together. They were so head over heels in love that they ordered another starter and shared the Queso Blanco, feeding each other the creamy blend of cheese, cilantro and roasted poblanos. By the time they split a plate of ribs, they were engaged.

Please join them on Saturday February 14th, 2015 at 8:00 PM at the Applebee’s on Highway 5 for the grandest and most exquisite wedding ceremony ever known to mankind. Bob and Mary have decided to marry on Valentine’s Day because it’s the most romantic day of the year. Plus, it falls on a Saturday and we know how much fun it is to be in an Applebee’s on a Saturday night. They have made a reservation for 125 people and are requesting a booth near the window. Worst case scenario, they will have to push some tables together. The ceremony will begin promptly at 8:00 and the reception will immediately follow at 8:05. If you cannot be there on time, do not worry about it. They will just hold your spot at the table and tell Odetta that you are on your way. If you decide to not join this special event, don’t bother letting anyone know. Odetta won’t mind if there is a reservation for 125 and the only people who show up are Bob, Mary, their parents (depending on the parole boards…) and Jim. The wedding party will be providing five or six appetizers (mozzarella sticks, steak quesadilla towers, sliders, etc…), but any extra food or alcoholic beverage will be the responsibility of the guests. Separate checks.

Presiding over the ceremony will be Bernie Fishass, the general manager of the Applebee’s Highway 5, who was recently ordained online. Best man will be Jim while Odetta will be serving as the maid of honor, head waitress and busser. Mary will be upholding the tradition of incorporating something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue into the ceremony. A piece of blue cheese, found under the booth where they met, will be serving as the something old, something borrowed and something blue. For the something new, Bernie is going to open a new can of queso.

The bride will be wearing a gown that she designed herself modeled after the iconic Applebee’s uniform and she will be holding a bouquet of apples. The groom will be wearing an apron. Following the reception, the newlyweds plan to honeymoon at the Outback Steakhouse on the other side of town because they both dream of someday visiting Australia, but for now, Outback will have to do, mate.

Applebee’s is a conduit for true love.

Dreams really do come true.

Dreams really do come true.

16 thoughts on “Is This the Worst Thing To Ever Happen at Applebee’s?

  1. Phila Cheerio

    Coming to this party real late, but you got trolled. 🙂

    The couple and the guy who posted on Applebee’s FB page are pals of mine. It was a joke. The couple had champagne tastes but a beer budget for their wedding, so it became a running joke in our circle of friends that the reception would have to be at Applebee’s. In the end, they decided to schedule their summertime wedding for the same day when their block would be closed for a neighborhood block party anyway: they held the ceremony on the front porch of the house where they’d met, and partied with friends and neighbors in the street until the wee hours.

    Then a few months later another couple treated them to dinner and a show in NYC as a belated wedding gift. Though they went to an upscale restaurant for the actual meal, they did a FB check-in from an Applebee’s in Times Square.

  2. Chris

    This is the funniest blog I think I’ve ever read. Plus, I’m stoned, and we all know that weed makes everything funnier.

  3. Sasha

    I couldn’t help thinking if they wanted a biological child(ren), they’d sneak conceiving in Applebee’s restroom. XD

  4. Amanda

    I held my reception at an applebees.. what’s so wrong with it? I called and gave a final head count so they wouldn’t have to hold extra seats. My husband and I didn’t come from a courthouse we had an actual wedding. We simply wanted a quick meal before our evening. I even arranged my wedding time so that we would be at the restaurant during a slow break. Each of our 2 waiters were given $50 to start plus tips. I even tipped despite the manager ‘taking care’ of my bill.. which I know many wouldn’t have.. that was an additional $20 each just from us. By the end each server had over $100 for serving 12 people for just over an hour. SoI think some of the rude comments about the type of people who have a reception at a chain restaurant to be absurd. Maybe some of us don’t need big fancy catered food but we damn sure know how to be respectful to the business and the employees!

    1. Anonymous

      I’m sorry, but no chain restaurant would comp a bill that huge… They’d go out of business. I call shenanigans.

  5. Mindyana Jones

    As a current Applebees employee, This made me lol!! However I wouldn’t be surprised if this Happened… Only I imagine here in our ultra classy town, That this would only happen on a Tuesday at 8, being as that on Tuesdays kids meals are 99 cents and Appetizers go half off at 9. but we would get no call ahead, or warning lol

  6. Cassandra

    OMG XD This is great! Having worked for Applebee’s for about a year and a half I’ve witnessed my share of strange situations, but if this ever happened in reality my faith in humanity would forever be demolished! It’s funny cause a few months back a man actually PROPOSED to a woman at my Applebee’s. It was an embarrassment to the human race, but hey… she said, “YES”. So who am I to judge? lmao!!!

  7. Cara

    KatyJo, some people can only afford “second-hand formal-wear” and a dinner at Applebee’s. I usually like this blog, but this post is kind of dickish.

    1. Mangler

      You mean to tell me that a post on a blog titled “the bitchy waiter” came off as dickish? Surely you jest. Or are stupid.

      1. Gilbert

        I think it’s more that the blog is usually “bitchy” at rude assholes who deserve it, this smacks way more of just being classist…

  8. KatyJo

    I have actually witnessed a wedding “reception” at Applebee’s. It was only a ten top, and they arrived straight from the courthouse, second-hand formal-wear and all.
    This post is hilarious!

  9. BobbyAnn

    *Bob and Mary are not real people* – so I’m assuming Mr. Fishass isn’t either. bwahahahaha – best name! This is really funny BW.

    I can’t imagine holding a reception at a chain restaurant, nor would I think one would allow it, would they? I guess if it was a simple party [natch] of 20 or so…everyone’s worst nightmare – but I wouldn’t think 125 or there abouts would work.

    Although I would love to be a fly on the wall if a real conversation ever occurs regarding this particular reception. Applebee’s ha.

  10. jessi theroux

    Lmao! As a former applebees crew member for over 7 years, this made me giggle! Absolutely hysterical! Love the menu references…but fyi, the queso does not come in a can. But who cares, that really just made my day! I think i might share this with my former applebuddies to get their take on it….and btw, if this ever happened at my store, i might just shoot myself.

  11. Joe

    Yea, going to Applebee’s for their wedding reception is quite strange, but does it really warrant public shaming to these people?


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