Please Do Not Eat the Lions

I loves me some tacos. Mainly because they go perfectly with margaritas but also because they keep me in touch with my (half) Mexican heritage. I have never met a Taco Bell I didn’t like but I have also made sweet love to Del Taco, Taco Cabana, Two Pesos and the Super Taco from Jack and the Box. (Once on a cross country trip from Texas to California, my friend Stephanie and I stopped at every single Taco Bell on the way. It didn’t matter if we were hungry or not; if we saw one, we stopped and I got a Mexi Melt.) I saw in the news the other day something that caught my eye because it had the word “taco” in it. A restaurant in Arizona was making a name for itself by selling exotic tacos every Wednesday. By exotic, I assumed they meant they put red cabbage instead of lettuce or Monterrey Jack instead of cheddar. But no. These bitches are selling lion tacos. Lion. Tacos. Who in the bloody fucking hell wants to eat a lion taco? All I would be able to think about is The Cowardly Lion from The Wizard of Oz saying “Put ’em up, put ’em up” as I spread sour cream all over it.

According to the vast amount of research I have done (I Googled it), lion meat is not illegal and it is $100 a pound so these tacos would be cost prohibitive for me anyway. Unless that shit is on the dollar menu, I don’t want it. I suppose it is technically no different from a beef enchilada, chicken fajitas or a fish taco. (Which are are disgusting by the way. I tried a “fish taco” my sophomore year in college when I was really drunk. Her name was Laura.) I guess the main difference is that we don’t normally eat lion. Or tiger. Or bear. Maybe I find it shocking because I grew up eating Hamburger Helper and I am used to the idea of eating cows. Maybe there is a place in the world where a lion sandwich is a perfectly acceptable lunch. I also wonder why we call it “hamburger” and not just “cow.” I order a chicken sandwich but not a cow sandwich. This post is confusing me.

The day after I discovered the lion taco place, they came out and said they were taking it off the menu because of all the flack they got. The owner of the restaurant probably never even intended to sell the damn tacos in the first place. He just wanted some press and he got it. No word yet on what their next exotic taco on Wednesday will be.

“Would you like hot or mild sauce with your tacos de penguin?”
“Mild, please. And can I have extra penguin but the guac on the side?”
“Si, senora.”

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24 thoughts on “Please Do Not Eat the Lions

  1. On our cross-country drive (well, half-cross, since it was TX to PA) we stopped at almost every Dunkin' Donuts we saw, also hungry or not. Because I can't get that here. That's probably why my jeans fit funny now.

  2. I think Id have to pass on eating a taco with Lion in it. I prefer not to eat meat that once upon a time was an animal that ate meat lol. Of course I do eat some fish and whatnot and those things eat all sort of shit. But I suppose if push came to shove and I was starving Id eat it that damn lion.

  3. Eating lion is not illegal? I never heard of people actually eating lions. Are there even enough lions left? We don't have taco bell in Europe, too bad, tacos look so good

  4. This blows bubbles. Every since I moved to Arizona three years ago, the state has been all over the news. I need to go back to Michigan where nothing happens…Damn. They're constantly in the news too. Seems like I can't hide from the press. Bristol Palin lives down the street from me. Bummer

  5. Tacos should contain either chicken or beef only and random veggies or sauce. I recently had my first shrimp taco. It came out of a truck and was made by some koreans, so it was like an Asian version of a shrimp taco. Only in LA. in any cayse "This post is confusing me". LMAO

  6. No on the lion tacos. There aren't enough of those beasts left in the world for them to be an an exotic taco menu. … Poor Laura and her unwanted fish taco ; )

  7. This story was in the Chicago Sun Times a few days ago. I couldn't believe it, either. Did you hear the latest about Taco Bell? I heard a story today that basically said they can no longer call their beef "beef," because it's only 35% beef. The rest is filler. WTF?

  8. When I eat meat I think about what that meat eats. That is part of why I really don't like fowl, of any kind. I know dumb. Eating cat eeeeewwwww. Raccoon, bear, squirrel, opossum, frog legs all eeewwwww. Not sure why I love Lobster.

  9. There was a Taco Johns ad on this post. I found that pretty awesome since I too love tacos. In fact, every week, I go to Taco Johns for Taco Tuesday. Taco Johns ad + the fact that today is Tuesday = fate. Or something.

  10. I didn't think it was legal to sell carnivore meat. We eat grazers and prey but rarely the predator because the meat is not as succulent and can contain poisons and parasites ingested from other animals they have eaten. Although I sincerely believe you, above all, could handle whatever came your way…

  11. I actually really love fish tacos (actual ones, not the ones of the "Laura" variety!). I dont think I could do the lion ones but to each his own! Now Bison, I can eat!

  12. That's too bad that they are taking if off the menu. I was actually really interested in trying that. I don't see how eating a lion is any different from any other kind of meat. I love trying new and exotic foods and that was on my list. I was really wanting to take a trip there the next time I was in that area!

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