Two things have caught my eye in the last twelve hours and both of them involve Americans eating ridiculous amounts of food. Have we gotten to a time in our world where the only thing we can do is try to find the unhealthiest thing we can think of to eat and then fry it and make it even more unhealthy? First I saw this video of Paula Deen eating a fucking lasagna sandwich. You must see this:
That women puts more meat in her mouth at one time than a porn star at a gang bang. Seriously, a lasagna sandwich? It makes me want to make one, freeze it, grab a Sharpie, scribble “HAM” on it and throw it up against the side of her head. What is wrong with that woman?
And then I saw a link about a certain food item you could get at McDonald’s but only at a very specific time. It’s called McDonald’s Mc10:35 and it’s an Egg McMuffin wrapped in a double cheeseburger. It can only be ordered at the precise moment that breakfast is segueing into lunch and they have both items. Oh my God. What the fuck is wrong with people that they need to eat that kind of shit at any time of day, much less in the morning? They may as well add a hash brown to it, stuff it in an apple pie and then deep fry that bitch up. (Come to think about it, they should do that. I would totally try it. But maybe that’s what that crack whore was wanting so bad when she smashed in the drive through window at McDonald’s last month. It would explain a lot).
The point is that people need to chill the hell out with the excessive eating. What is with the championship eating contests where men see who can eat the most hot dogs in one sitting? Give it up, gentleman and let Paula Deen have that crown. Eat a salad. Or those food challenges where if you can eat the six pound hamburger, you get it for free? How about just eat a burger that has 8 ounces instead of 22 and you actually pay for it? I had some people in my station the other day who ordered the mixed nuts because they were “starving.” When they left, half of that bowl of nuts was on the ground because they missed their mouths most of the time. I don’t think they were really starving. Starving people don’t leave food on the ground uneaten. I had to pull out the vacuum cleaner to clean up after them. We affectionately call it the Paula Deen. It really sucks.
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