Dear Bitchy Waiter

Dear Bitchy Waiter,
I need your advice. I have just left my usual spot after receiving half-ass drinks all night from the bartender with the lovely face and ample bosom. After asking to cash out she proceeded to wait on many male patrons and when she finally returned to me with my card and receipt she popped attitude. Should I have clotheslined her like I wanted to?


Dear Donda,
I can see how tempting it would have been to wait for this bartender’s shift to end, follow her home in order to learn her address and then head over to 7-11 for a carton of eggs to pelt her house with. Very tempting indeed. I do not recommend ever doing this no matter how much fun it would be and how many wonderful memories you would have for the rest of your life. (And on a side note, an open apology to Mrs. Deheul, my 12th grade drama teacher: I’m sorry I pelted your house with eggs even though it was really fun and I am still carrying around those memories from that magical evening.) Donda, you should just let this girl be. We all know she was spending all her attention on the men folk because her big titties were going to help her get bigger tips. Can’t says I blame her. I guess she didn’t feel like it was worth it to pay attention to you even though there was a hefty Double D tip in it for her. What goes around comes around. Just last week I ate dinner at a bar and the hot young (male) bartender kept ignoring me as he poured attention on all the single ladies. Fine, whatever. But when he gave me my check, the dumbass had forgotten to ring in all four of my cocktails. They were $11.50 each. He fucked up because he was too busy with the hos he thought would tip him more. Did I tell him? Nope. It’s happened to all of us. I left him a 30% tip on what he did charge me but it could have been so much more. Never fear. The bartender that dissed you will have her chance at getting dissed in return.

The Bitchy Waiter

6 thoughts on “Dear Bitchy Waiter

  1. Donda

    Thanks for your wisdom. I hadn't even thought of the whole egg scenario. I will say, that I told her about herself on my credit card receipt and she proceeded to hunt me down on Facebook (didn't even know this chick's name) and send me not one, but two messages justifying her rudeness. I didn't dignify it with a response. Should I rethink the position on egging?

  2. Anonymous

    Dear Bitchy Waiter, have you ever had a bus person or server steal your tips? I also think they may be "by accident" taking an extra credit slip (not thiers) at the end of thier shift.

  3. Mary A.

    Because my darling brother was a batender for many years, I always recommend tipping generously no matter how bad the service is.Unless she has bigger boobs than me, in which case, screw the 'ho.


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