Ladies and gentleman, please allow me to introduce to you Paul C. who likes to go to Yelp and insult food service workers. On his most recent visit to a bar-b-q restaurant, he was unhappy with how long he had to wait for his table and decided to leave. He also left a 1-star review on Yelp where he felt completely justified in insulting the appearance and intelligence of the hostess. Since he is cool with publicly shaming people, I am going to give him a taste of his own medicine.
Let’s begin with his review:
I love the food but I will never go back because of the dumb hostess. Who would have thought that being a hostess would be too difficult a job? We had 4 adults and 4 kids and we sat there for 30 minutes with several empty booths and tables, all big enough to seat our party only to see them given to parties of 2 or 4 that walked in after us. When we complained she got stressed out and ran to her boss in tears. If you visit **** *** and there is a middle-aged platinum blonde hostesses with a vacant look on her face, might as well turn around and walk right out because the simplest of task is too complicated for this dimwit. We ended up leaving for *** which we hadn’t tried before and it was amazing. Maybe she is getting kickbacks from *** or maybe she truly does have the IQ of turnip, either way, I’m thankful for her ineptness because without her failing at the one thing she is supposed to do, we would have never tried ***. Side note: their hostess was fully capable.
Now, we all know there are two sides to every story and I happen to to have the inside scoop straight from the middle-aged, platinum blond, turnip’s mouth. According to her, Paul C. was actually a party of 9, with four of them being children. They did not inform the hostess that there were children involved and they were given a wait time of 45 minutes. At 21 minutes, they were given a table. (We know it was 21 minutes, because the restaurant has an iPad app that documents by the minute so if you’re a customer who wants to exaggerate how long you waited for something, you might want to reconsider since we can usually tell you how much time actually passed.) When they were being taken to to the table, it was then that the four children made an appearance meaning that they would not be comfortable at a high-top with bar stools. Paul C. was mad that parties of 2 and 4 were being seated before him at tables that would have accommodated them. There is no hostess in the world who is going to seat a two-top at a table that would seat 9 people, Paul C. You’re wrong. At 26 minutes they were told a table would be available shortly and at 31 minutes it was clean and ready to be seated, a full 14 minutes sooner than they had been told. But they were already walking out and, no doubt, writing their bad review on Yelp as they did.
The hostess has asked me to keep this relatively anonymous so she does not get into trouble, so I have concealed the name of the restaurants and any incriminating evidence. I did go to Paul C’s other Yelp reviews to see if I could decipher a pattern and it’s clear that his pattern of reviewing is as sketchy as his beard and mustache. He has written four reviews and each one is 1-star:
“I cannot tell you how disappointing my experience at Harvest was, but I will try.” Even though he says he is unable to tell you how bad it is, he manages to shit out 391 words doing exactly that. He claims he waited 20 minutes for a pork chop!
“Absolutely. Worst. Service. Ever.” He says his drinks took 20 minutes.
“If I could post zero stars I would.” This review is for Chili’s so we know that Paul C. is a real foodie. Again, he says his drinks took 20 minutes.
And now I want to attack Paul C. personally and publicly like he did to to the hostess:
I have a feeling that Paul C. has no concept of time. Like when he fucks his wife and comes in 90 seconds, he’s all proud of himself for lasting “twenty minutes.” You can tell by the smug look on his face that he thinks he’s “all that a bag of chips,” but in reality he’s probably “none of that and a bag of instant potatoes.” He looks like an asshole in need of waxing. His head looks like it’s covered in pube plugs. And anyone who insults the intelligence of a service worker is a straight up dick, which he probably knows very little about since his penis is more flaccid than a turnip that sat in the sun for ten days. And by the way, the hostess told me she never cried and that she would never waste tears on something this inconsequential. Yet another lie from Paul C. much like the one he probably told his wife about about being a grower, not a show-er.
But thank you for your Yelp review, Paul C.
I hope everyone will share this so eventually Paul C. will see his own picture on his own Facebook feed. This is, by no means, an excuse to search this person out. His name has been blocked as well as the city and and names of the restaurants.
Email Spike Upsell
BC planning makees it attainable to your group to reply effectively
andd continue to function when a disruption happens.
Mike
Hey Bitchy – I was trying to share this post from FB but it is gone?!? What happened??
leHostess
Hostess checking in… I work in a small restaurant and we get busy on weekends. Few things piss me off more than large parties of entitled a-holes who show up unannounced and expect me to have a table ready for them and their brats RIGHT AWAY! If you’re planning on going out in large numbers, make a f***ing reservation or don’t go out. This jerk sounds exactly like some uppity b***h that freaking stood there arguing with me last weekend. She was told there would be a 30 min wait and then proceeded to point out every single table that was empty or near to finishing and demanding I give her a reason why each one was unavailable. Meanwhile, the boss is hollering for me to come help her with something of actual importance and three different servers are looking for me to help take drink orders for new tables and other people are approaching the door and lining up… and I’m trying very hard to not strangle this woman… “well that table over there is empty, but doesn’t have a sign on it, why can’t we sit there?” /end rant
MANGLER
‘THAT table has been cleaned and sanitized, so it wouldn’t be in our best interest to seat stale tuna salad at it”
Anonymous
No this is not the worst man on yelp. I know the worst person. Hes so bad that I’m afraid to post his name
Stephanie
Tease!
Alan
I have a fake photo on Yelp, too! Go see for yourself:
https://www.yelp.com/user_details?userid=ug_Qedau_2z9_mWPvYaNaw
JenJen, I hope it doesn’t start another coughing fit brought on by laughter 😉
JenJen
I have an extremely bad cold right now, and reading this was totally worth the coughing fit I just endured brought on by laughter. Thanks for that BW, can’t wait for the book!!
Frazer
See, he really, during one of his dining experiences, have been treated to some B&C (BW, this is making me want to watch the South Park clip again). Want a diagnosis? The doctor’s got one!
Apple Kitty
come on, grow some balls. he puts all his info out there, you should do the same.
Samm
Are you referring to BW? He is a person who works in this industry and who is also semi-famous for appearing on talk shows to talk about these and similar issues. His name and info are quite available for those who look for them.
Debra
And apparently he did find this, because all four of his reviews have now been deleted. Ah, the power of the interwebz.
Debra
So this guy has reviewed four establishments in total and each was the most absolutely awful etc. Methinks he should stay home and eat there.
Rob
The photo for a person this angry may just be a fake photo stolen from the Internet.
Do a quick google on the original. I know lots of the bad Yelpers use fake photos
Melissa
Nope…a BW reader found his professional bio online…same name, same photo. It’s him.
Ktk
This was fucking amazing
Jacklyn Lee
Long time waitress here–gotta tell ya– I don’t hostess anymore, EVER, and people like this guy are the reason why.
People will yell and cuss and insult and demand—speaking to a hostess in a way they would NEVER talk to bank cashier, a grocery clerk, or the front desk person at a hotel. This is not o.k.
People complain they are not being seated but they can see empty tables–MAYBE the servers are trying to get caught up from a rush; MAYBE the kitchen is behind and needs a few minutes to get a large party’s order out. MAYBE–true story–the hostess just had to tell a party of 30 people that there was an unfortunate FIRE in the kitchen and their order will be delayed. MAYBE –again, true story–the head cook just ran his thumb lengthwise through the meat slicer and there is blood and mayhem with major clean up required, and trip to the E.R. These things do happen.
No restaurant wants to lose guests —we need our customers–but you, the customer, are not two years old. You are not entitled to a full blown temper tantrum in our lobby. Being a guest at our restaurant does NOT merit acting like Veruca Salt at the Chocolate Factory ( I want it NOW!).
Be nice, or leave. It really is that simple.
J Six
Jacklyn Lee,
As a banker for 10 years before I got into the service industry in which I have been a host, expo, server and bartender… I can tell you guys like this WILL talk that way to bank tellers and anyone else they feel is “beneath” them… Be that hotel clerks, grocers etc… It’s the only way they can get their jollies off. But yes.. agreed with all that you said. People need to do more adulting in the real world!
Victoria
Yep. Bank teller here and I deal with these assholes all day. They try to yell, cuss, demean, and threaten me to get their way and are enraged when I won’t be intimidated by them. However, I had it way worse when I was a server because I wasn’t behind a desk so they could pinch or grab me, and also I had to make them like me so that I could make tips to pay my rent.
People like this just get off on treating other people badly when they can’t fight back.
Brian
Huge thumbs up
dead_elvis
And an even bigger middle finger to all of “those guys”!
Tesia
Agreed.
Michelle
Totally agree with all of this. Two thumbs up from this waitress.
Khaleesi
Former Whole Foods cashier here, I’ve had things thrown at me, I’ve had a woman jump over my register screaming, a woman go to every person in line and call me “absolutely retarded” because I neglected to ask if she had reusable bags lodged in her purse. and a million other things where people were horrendous.
cheryl
Chances are, the hostess ran to her boss in tears because this asshole berated her or picked on her personally. What a jerk!!!
Godfrey T. Jones
Dude! You shouldn’t use gay insults. I didn’t even know “He looks like an asshole in need of waxing” was even a thing lol!
Other than that, hilarious!
P
So only gay people wax their as¥holes….now your stereo typing.
Tesia
Jaja!
Samm
BW is openly gay, and I doubt that he would use “gay insults.” People of any sexuality can and do wax their assholes.
MANGLER
Why of course. It’s where the colloquialism “wax dat ass” originated. 😉