Is This The Worst Man on Yelp?

DickPaulLadies and gentleman, please allow me to introduce to you Paul C. who likes to go to Yelp and insult food service workers. On his most recent visit to a bar-b-q restaurant, he was unhappy with how long he had to wait for his table and decided to leave. He also left a 1-star review on Yelp where he felt completely justified in insulting the appearance and intelligence of the hostess. Since he is cool with publicly shaming people, I am going to give him a taste of his own medicine.

Let’s begin with his review:

I love the food but I will never go back because of the dumb hostess. Who would have thought that being a hostess would be too difficult a job? We had 4 adults and 4 kids and we sat there for 30 minutes with several empty booths and tables, all big enough to seat our party only to see them given to parties of 2 or 4 that walked in after us. When we complained she got stressed out and ran to her boss in tears. If you visit **** *** and there is a middle-aged platinum blonde hostesses with a vacant look on her face, might as well turn around and walk right out because the simplest of task is too complicated for this dimwit. We ended up leaving for *** which we hadn’t tried before and it was amazing. Maybe she is getting kickbacks from *** or maybe she truly does have the IQ of turnip, either way, I’m thankful for her ineptness because without her failing at the one thing she is supposed to do, we would have never tried ***. Side note: their hostess was fully capable.paul

Now, we all know there are two sides to every story and I happen to to have the inside scoop straight from the middle-aged, platinum blond, turnip’s mouth. According to her, Paul C. was actually a party of 9, with four of them being children. They did not inform the hostess that there were children involved and they were given a wait time of 45 minutes. At 21 minutes, they were given a table. (We know it was 21 minutes, because the restaurant has an iPad app that documents by the minute so if you’re a customer who wants to exaggerate how long you waited for something, you might want to reconsider since we can usually tell you how much time actually passed.) When they were being taken to to the table, it was then that the four children made an appearance meaning that they would not be comfortable at a high-top with bar stools. Paul C. was mad that parties of 2 and 4 were being seated before him at tables that would have accommodated them. There is no hostess in the world who is going to seat a two-top at a table that would seat 9 people, Paul C. You’re wrong. At 26 minutes they were told a table would be available shortly and at 31 minutes it was clean and ready to be seated, a full 14 minutes sooner than they had been told. But they were already walking out and, no doubt, writing their bad review on Yelp as they did.

The hostess has asked me to keep this relatively anonymous so she does not get into trouble, so I have concealed the name of the restaurants and any incriminating evidence. I did go to Paul C’s other Yelp reviews to see if I could decipher a pattern and it’s clear that his pattern of reviewing is as sketchy as his beard and mustache. He has written four reviews and each one is 1-star:

“I cannot tell you how disappointing my experience at Harvest was, but I will try.” Even though he says he is unable to tell you how bad it is, he manages to shit out 391 words doing exactly that. He claims he waited 20 minutes for a pork chop!

“Absolutely. Worst. Service. Ever.” He says his drinks took 20 minutes.

“If I could post zero stars I would.” This review is for Chili’s so we know that Paul C. is a real foodie. Again, he says his drinks took 20 minutes.

And now I want to attack Paul C. personally and publicly like he did to to the hostess:

I have a feeling that Paul C. has no concept of time. Like when he fucks his wife and comes in 90 seconds, he’s all proud of himself for lasting “twenty minutes.” You can tell by the smug look on his face that he thinks he’s “all that a bag of chips,” but in reality he’s probably “none of that and a bag of instant potatoes.” He looks like an asshole in need of waxing. His head looks like it’s covered in pube plugs. And anyone who insults the intelligence of a service worker is a straight up dick, which he probably knows very little about since his penis is more flaccid than a turnip that sat in the sun for ten days. And by the way, the hostess told me she never cried and that she would never waste tears on something this inconsequential. Yet another lie from Paul C. much like the one he probably told his wife about about being a grower, not a show-er.

But thank you for your Yelp review, Paul C.

I hope everyone will share this so eventually Paul C. will see his own picture on his own Facebook feed. This is, by no means, an excuse to search this person out. His name has been blocked as well as the city and and names of the restaurants.

Discussion

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