I loves me some tacos. Mainly because they go perfectly with margaritas but also because they keep me in touch with my (half) Mexican heritage. I have never met a Taco Bell I didn’t like but I have also made sweet love to Del Taco, Taco Cabana, Two Pesos and the Super Taco from Jack and the Box. (Once on a cross country trip from Texas to California, my friend Stephanie and I stopped at every single Taco Bell on the way. It didn’t matter if we were hungry or not; if we saw one, we stopped and I got a Mexi Melt.) I saw in the news the other day something that caught my eye because it had the word “taco” in it. A restaurant in Arizona was making a name for itself by selling exotic tacos every Wednesday. By exotic, I assumed they meant they put red cabbage instead of lettuce or Monterrey Jack instead of cheddar. But no. These bitches are selling lion tacos. Lion. Tacos. Who in the bloody fucking hell wants to eat a lion taco? All I would be able to think about is The Cowardly Lion from The Wizard of Oz saying “Put ’em up, put ’em up” as I spread sour cream all over it.
According to the vast amount of research I have done (I Googled it), lion meat is not illegal and it is $100 a pound so these tacos would be cost prohibitive for me anyway. Unless that shit is on the dollar menu, I don’t want it. I suppose it is technically no different from a beef enchilada, chicken fajitas or a fish taco. (Which are are disgusting by the way. I tried a “fish taco” my sophomore year in college when I was really drunk. Her name was Laura.) I guess the main difference is that we don’t normally eat lion. Or tiger. Or bear. Maybe I find it shocking because I grew up eating Hamburger Helper and I am used to the idea of eating cows. Maybe there is a place in the world where a lion sandwich is a perfectly acceptable lunch. I also wonder why we call it “hamburger” and not just “cow.” I order a chicken sandwich but not a cow sandwich. This post is confusing me.
The day after I discovered the lion taco place, they came out and said they were taking it off the menu because of all the flack they got. The owner of the restaurant probably never even intended to sell the damn tacos in the first place. He just wanted some press and he got it. No word yet on what their next exotic taco on Wednesday will be.
“Would you like hot or mild sauce with your tacos de penguin?”
“Mild, please. And can I have extra penguin but the guac on the side?”