Category Archives: In the news

Woman Wants 30 More Minutes Before Evacuating Restaurant

There was a terrorist attack in London on Sunday when a man stabbed two victims and was then shot dead by undercover police officers. I’m not going to get into the details because this blog tends to focus on other horrors such as waters with lemon that customers don’t even drink or servers who get a 10% tip even after the service was absolutely fucking perfect. What I am going to focus on is a video in nearby cafe where someone, presumably a British woman named Karen, had a shocking response to a police officer who came into the restaurant to tell them they needed to evacuate the area.

Police Officer: There’s been a terrorist incident down there. We’re closing everything down.

Woman: Just give us half an hour because people have to eat.

Police Officer: Madam, a terrorist has just been shot dead just down there. Got a possible IED vest on, which is a bomb.


So let me understand this: even though a man has been shot dead, literally down the street from the restaurant and he’s wearing a vest potentially covered in bombs, this woman is still going to ask for thirty minutes so she can finish her damn baked beans and Earl Grey tea? Who does she think she is being so needy, selfish and oblivious to the situation around her, an American? Lady, take your crumpet, wrap it up in a napkin and get the fuck out of there. It’s literally the chance to walk out on a check without paying for it while also possibly saving your life. Take the advice of the nice officer who is holding an automatic rifle and stop being so bloody tiresome. Grab your mate and scurry on outta there. He was nice enough to call you “madam” rather than “slag,” so be thankful for that.

Maybe it’s the cafe owner who was worried about watching her profits all walk out of the door, but I can’t imagine any customer choosing to stay over the word of a police officer. If anything, it would make me think this owner is a little bit too desperate for her own good.

Here I was, thinking that the only people who were that self-involved when it comes to dining out were sitting in Applebee’s in the United States, but this video proves that every country has their own version of this type of person. How do you say “Karen” in British?

You Get a Shift Drink! You Get a Shift Drink!

A new law is scheduled to go into effect on February 1, 2020 that will directly affect servers around the country. The legislative proposal, SD-requirement 1, was nestled within a much more complicated bill covering farm subsidies and soybean transfers within North America, specifically between Canada and Mexico. The law states:

All servers who are making at least the federal minimum wage for tipped employees of $2.13 an hour, will hereby also be entitled to one complimentary shift drink before or after their shift at any restaurant that has at least eight (8) employees. Should the employee choose to not take the shift drink, they can request credit onto their paycheck not to exceed $5.00 dollars per shift. The shift drink can be any beverage, but congress highly recommends that it be one of an alcoholic nature not to exceed either two ounces of alcohol per drink or a single glass of beer or wine. Should the employee be working a double, the law allows for the two shift drinks to be combined into one at the subsequent end of the second shift.

Servers across the country are celebrating the new law. Says Alfred K. Hallick, a server at Doug’s Donuts Diner in Beersheba Springs, TN, “I’m just grateful that the government finally did something that benefits me. All these tax cuts for the rich are great and everything but if I can get a free Coors Light after every shift, that’ll save me about $24 a week. Good bless the USA!”

Understandably, not everyone is happy about the sweeping changes, restaurant owners in particularly. Melba Totes, owner of a franchised Applebee’s in Spokane, WA says, “I have 19 servers in my store, so now I have to give away free cocktails to them? I’ll just give them those crappy ass Vodka Rum Frostbites that we’re selling for a dollar right now. They only cost about fifteen cents to make, so I guess I can afford that.” When reminded that the server gets to choose what drink they want or take a $5.00 credit, Totes’ head exploded, making a huge mess in section three. The busser tasked to clean up the mess, Nyada Faire, grumbled, “Of course the bussers don’t get a shift drink because I guess we just don’t matter.”

The law goes into effect on the first of next month so it is imperative that all restaurant owners are made aware of this change in policy. For a printout with the complete explanation of the new law as well as suggestions of what drinks to ask for in order to take the most advantage of the situation, please click here. 

Tucker Carlson Asked to Leave Applebee’s

FOX News personality Tucker Carlson and his wife Janice were caught by the paparazzi earlier this week slipping out of an Alexandria, Virginia Applebee’s after allegedly taking advantage of a 25¢ boneless buffalo wing promotion. The two were accused of sitting at a booth meant for at least six people and then ordering 174 wings over the course of 35 minutes. Even more surprising than two people eating that many wings in such a short amount of time is that the esteemed journalist has an estimated net worth of $15 million and can certainly afford to pay more than a 25¢ per buffalo wing.

Says Applebee’s manager, Lauren Hamgrin, “I have never seen anything like that. The two of them were practically inhaling the wings and our kitchen couldn’t keep up with the demand. I had no choice but to ask them to leave. It simply wasn’t fair to our other guests who also wanted some boneless wings for a ridiculously low cost.”

Carlson’s server, Todd Watters, also had a difficult time with the hungry couple.

“I busted my ass for them, man,” says Watters. “I was so in the weeds from running their wings and filling up their waters with lemons that I didn’t have time to focus on my other tables at all. I accidentally gave them some wings with bones and they totally ate them anyway, bones and all. That’s when I asked my manager for help.”

It was at this point that the decision was made to give them their check and ask them to leave. Upon receiving their bill for a total of $46.11, Carlson took out a fifty-dollar bill and told his server to keep the change.

That fifty was sweaty, like he had it stored in his ass or something,” Watters was heard saying.

This is not the first time the noted newscaster and avid Muppet fan has had an issue at a local eatery. Two years ago, Carlson got into a verbal altercation with a cashier at a Chick-fil-A when he had ordered seven pickle slices for his sandwich and only received six. At the time, Carlson blamed the vocal outburst on low blood sugar levels. No charges were filed, but he was permanently banned from all Chick-fil-A’s in the Washington DC metro area. 

Carlson released a statement through his publicist explaining his side of the story:

“It was certainly not my intention to upset Applebee’s in any way. I simply wanted to enjoy their crunchy and delicious chicken wings. My wife Janice especially loves them since they are boneless and she was born without the ability to grow teeth. While Janice does in fact have teeth, suffice it to say that none of them are in her mouth. The service was wonderful and I was happy to leave an 8% tip to Todd which is a full 3% more than I normally leave a server.”

Applebee’s has not yet made a statement regarding the incident. For more information on this story, please click here.

Waitress Fired For Being Racially Insensitive? You Tell Me.

Deservedly so?

Deservedly so?

A waitress in St. Louis was fired this week after she did something that was so incredibly offensive that it’s a wonder the ground didn’t open up and swallow her heathen soul the second she did it. She had a table in her section at Patrick’s Westport Grill (Facebook page) that was sat with two people, a man and a woman who happened to be black. When labeling the check so that the waitress would remember who the check belonged to, she looked at the black couple and labeled them as “black couple.” Well, that did not go over so well with the couple who were black who then called the media to get their story out there. The offended customer is named Kimberli Wilson and she says, “Basically my point is people need to know what’s going on at a place where they’re spending their money.”

FOX 13 News

Here are my two questions for Kimberli: what’s going on at Patrick’s Westport Grill that is so shocking and did you not know you were black?

Granted, the waitress could have typed in “African American” and saved herself the drama, as well as her job, but I really doubt that she had any intent to offend the customers. Kimberli says she felt “totally, totally humiliated. I was frustrated, I was angry. I was thinking, really? Are we still doing this in 2015?”

I get why she was upset: because if it had been a white couple sitting at the table, it’s very unlikely they would have been described as a “white couple” unless they were the only white couple in the restaurant and if there was a couple sitting there who was labeled as being white, they would not get upset about it. However, this couple, who was black, was labeled as such and now someone is offended. To me, it seems like a very small mistake and not one worth losing a job over. The owner of the restaurant has apologized for the matter and is giving his entire staff, both FOH and BOH, training for such sensitive issues. Well for everyone except the poor waitress who was fired for doing something she probably had no idea was going to be a problem. It seems to me that Kimberli is making a mountain out of a mole hill but, I grew up with white privilege and it is quite possibly something I don’t understand. Honestly, I would like someone to explain to me if this woman made too much out of something or his her disappointment justified. I am not ignoring the fact that she was upset, I just wish it didn’t end with a waitress losing her job.

In the meantime, I would like to suggest to the waitress who was fired to learn your fucking table numbers at your next job, girl! That’s what they are there for. If you can’t learn them, then I want to offer some other ways you could have labeled this table so that you would know exactly who the check belonged to:

  • People at front
  • Table by front door
  • Man with coral shirt
  • Couple who may or may not go to the tanning bed a lot
  • Couple with skin color that is not green
  • Lady with big huge glasses
  • Lady with short hair and dangly gaudy earrings
  • Lady with an on fleek eyebrow game
  • Lady who misspells Kimberly
  • Lady with four moles on her left collarbone area that if you connect them would create the Liberty Bell

You see? there were plenty of other options!

Bottom line, it appears that the waitress could have been more sensitive, the customer could have been less sensitive, the boss overreacted when he fired her and if people just used goddamn table numbers none of this would have happened.