A Horrible Little Girl Sat in My Section

One of my regulars who comes in about twice a month always sits at a booth alone and reads a book. She’s very nice and we have a good relationship. I can tell that she relishes her alone time on Thursday nights and she usually brings a book to keep herself company. This night, she shows up with her 10-year-old daughter and I know now why she always seems so happy to be with just herself.

That little girl is awful. She’s like a combination of Nellie Oleson and Veruca Salt with a dash of
Regina George. (And yes, I realize that two out of three of those references are for people over the age of 40.)

Mom still has her book. This time it’s The Book of Dust, which is a newly released fantasy novel that probably helps transport her to a time when she didn’t have a rude little parasite living off her. The little girl is wearing earbuds and watching a show on an iPhone. When their food arrives, Mom asks Girl to turn off the phone and remove the headphones. The daughter only does 50% of what was asked of her.

“Did you not hear me say to take out your earphones?“ asks Mom.

Begrudgingly, she does it and pouts her way through her mac and cheese. When I ask if they want dessert, the little girl is suddenly interested in something other than her darkened iPhone.

“Tonight we have a chocolate flourless cake with chocolate ice cream and chocolate sauce, a walnut and cranberry banana bread pudding served warm with vanilla ice cream and a pumpkin pie with graham cracker crust and a maple whipped cream.”

The girls eyes light up at the mention of pumpkin pie. “I want that!” she says.

“Mommy doesn’t like pumpkin pie.”

“Well, Sarah does, so too bad for you.”

This is where I do a double take. Did this little girl just talk back to her mother like that? I don’t have children (“No shit,” says everyone reading this blog.) but that would not fly with me.

Things I would have said if my 10-year old said that to me:

  • Well, we’re getting the chocolate cake and you don’t get any of it.
  • Don’t you use that tone with me, young lady.
  • That’s it. Give me your iPhone right now and you can have it back when you’re 13.
  • Then you need to get your ass out into the real world and get yourself a job so you can pay for your own freaking pumpkin pie.
  • Why did I ever think having a child would be a good idea? You make my life miserable.

But the mom chooses not to say any of those things. Instead, she heaves the heaviest sigh I have ever heard and says, “Okay, I guess pumpkin pie then.”

When I bring the dessert to the table, I place it in front of Sarah.

“Your mom is pretty cool for getting pumpkin pie for you guys when she doesn’t even like it, huh? You’re pretty lucky.”

She ignores me, because she is fixated on maple whipped cream which is obviously the next best thing to an iPhone.

“You have a good mom,” I continue.

“What do you have to say about that?” Mom asks her daughter.

Sarah, with a mouthful of pumpkin pie, shrugs her shoulders and says, “I like pumpkin pie, what can I say?”

Mom rolls her eyes and takes a bite of pumpkin pie, confirming that she doesn’t like it. “I just don’t get it,” she says. “It tastes like pumpkin. Bleh.”I agree with her assessment on pumpkin pie.

Moments later, Sarah is playing a game on her iPhone when her mother says it’s time to leave.

“But wait, I need to finish this game!”

“No, we’re gonna go, c’mon.”

“Wait! I’m not ready!”

“Sarah, we need to go. Put on your jacket.”

“No!”

Things I would have said if my 10-year old said that to me:

  • Fine, good bye. The locks will be changed by the time you get home.
  • Give me that fucking iPhone right this goddamn minute.
  • Your father was right. He should have worn a condom.
  • You’re the worst.

What the mother actually said:

  • Okay, I will be outside waiting for you.

And Mother left as Sarah sat in the booth for several more minutes to finish her game.

I’m pretty sure the next time the mother comes into the restaurant again, it will be just her and a book. And I promise you that I will give her the best possible service because now I understand how truly special her alone time is.

Discussion

  1. Sallie
  2. Amelia Johnson
    • Daryl
  3. Si^le McMullin
  4. The Chef Hates You
  5. Annie
  6. RUFreakingKiddingMe
    • Dakota
  7. shanti
  8. Nance
  9. JoAnn McCarty
  10. Donna
  11. Mary A
    • Emoly
  12. linda
  13. Mary
  14. Michelle
  15. Sabrae
  16. Tony
  17. Rachel
  18. Krista
  19. Karen
    • shanti
      • Cameron Rose
        • grace ross
      • Lis

Leave a Reply