Ahh, Facebook. It’s that wonderful place where people spout out their opinions without a care or concern as to whether it makes any sense or not. A woman named Colleen came to the Bitchy Waiter Facebook page to do that very thing. I guess there was no one around to answer her riddles before she let them cross her bridge so she had nothing better to do than to troll my page:
Yeah, I love walking into a restaurant that’s only half full and all the empty tables are dirty. I’m supposed to stand there? No. I’ll go to a table, move all the dirty dishes to another dirty table and stare at the server until they come over and wipe it off. Somehow it is the customer’s fault that the staff isn’t doing their job? Guests leave, clear the fucking table and get it ready for the next! PS – if you have a bunch of dirty tables and the only clean ones are by service stations/kitchen door, guests will probably choose to sit at a dirty table rather than listen to all of that crap their entire meal.
Oh, Colleen, Colleen, Colleen. Bless your poor little “I dunno what the fuck I’m talkin’ about” heart. I can only imagine how many times this sad creature has ingested the mucous of some put upon server after Colleen gave them the death stare while sitting at a dirty table. There are so many things wrong with Colleen’s statement so I need to break them down line by line:
Yeah, I love walking into a restaurant that’s only half full and all the empty tables are dirty. I’m supposed to stand there? Yes, Colleen. As long as your ankles can support the weight of your stupendously thick head, you do need to stand there and wait for someone to seat you. That’s how restaurants work and if you don’t like it, go back to your bridge and eat a handful of dead flies.
No. I’ll go to a table, move all the dirty dishes to another dirty table and stare at the server until they come over and wipe it off. What you fail to realize, you miserable troll of epic proportions, is that the reason the table is dirty is because someone did not have time to clean it. If you move the dishes to another table and then sit there giving everyone the crusty eye, it will not suddenly give everyone free time. In fact, it will probably do the exact opposite. If they didn’t have time to clear the table, why will they have time to do it now that you are sitting at it? It makes no sense. Imagine that someone wanted to cross your bridge but not answer your questions after they crossed it. Your mind would explode because that’s not how it works. Then again, if your mind exploded it wouldn’t be much of big deal. Sorta like a water balloon with a slow leak.
Somehow it is the customer’s fault that the staff isn’t doing their job? Well, it depends. If a server doesn’t have time to reset a table because they are doing something else for a customer like separating the check for eight people and putting ridiculously tiny portions of leftover food into to-go boxes, then yes, it is totally the customer’s fault.
Guests leave, clear the fucking table and get it ready for the next! Yes, that is how it works in a perfect world, but the world isn’t perfect, Colleen. Just like your bridge, sometimes there are obstacles that make the path bumpier than it should be. It doesn’t mean people can’t cross your bridge and it doesn’t mean customers won’t be seated. It just might be as smooth as we would like.
PS – if you have a bunch of dirty tables and the only clean ones are by service stations/kitchen door, guests will probably choose to sit at a dirty table rather than listen to all of that crap their entire meal. Fuck you, Colleen, really. Fuck. You. Everyone hates you and your ass face.
Bottom line: if you go to a restaurant and seat yourself at a dirty table, all that you will be accomplishing is putting your server further into the weeds. Have some patience and let the restaurant get caught up so that they can serve you the correct way. Sitting at a dirty table and being pissed off about it is only going to make things worse and do you really want to start off your meal with your server already disliking you?
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McLovin
Server here. Sorry but if you are doing yer fricking job there would not be any dirty dishes on the table by the time the server delivers the check unless perhaps the customer asked for a to go box. It annoys me when people sit at a dirty table but if you think about it it’s my fault.
Sarally C
Dirty table or not, I hate when people just walk in and sit… then complain because they don’t have the menu, and no one has take care of them yet… I apologize to them and asked who sat them in the table without the menu and silverware, they stared each other. I wonder why people do that when there is a big sign in front of them when they enter the establishment that says “Wait to be seat”.
There were once too, a family, very rude, they came in and did not wanted to wait to be seated. The restaurant was full, no table free. But they did not cared, they just walked around the restaurant and sat in a table for 8 people that had couple seats free but still was in use for 5 peoples that were talking after their meal. They literally makes them go from the table and sat there with the table dirty, full plates with an evil looking waiting for someone to clean the table. They had to wait for a while and they were pretty angry, and the guy who cleans the table apologizing in his poor English told them “I thought you were with the other people that was just here since they haven’t leave the place yet…” I wonder if they got the message… they did not tip either.
Chris Chandler
You are in America, so if your spoken English is as poor as you write, no wonder you have customers telling you how it’s going to be. Give me your full name and mailing address, please, there is a pamphlet I believe you will find very helpful, I will have it mailed to you.
Chris Chandler
I tell the server where I’ll sit. Any table/booth is fair game, as long as there are no customers in it. If it’s dirty, I don’t sit at it, but I claim it and tell them I will wait until it is cleaned. If I go to a sit-down restaurant, I’ve got time, how about you?
Sue
OK, I’ll fess up. As a customer I’ve done this BUT only in informal pubs and cafes where there’s no host / seater and the menus are on the table. And I’ve bussed, so my idea of moving dirty plates is to stack them all up tidily on the next table for the server. Oh, and I’ll happily wipe down the table with my wet wipes and read the menu (or a book, or FB on my phone) until someone’s ready to serve me. I get sat by kitchens a lot because I’m incredibly scruffy and restaurants think I won’t spend much. You get amazing service when the staff realise you’re both prepared to be polite to them and order more than breadsticks, plus you get the added bonus of listening to the um, friendly banter, between the kitchen and waiting staff 🙂
Lisa
My favorite one is when a couple of people come in and sit in your section and say oh we’re in no hurry we haven’t seen each other in so long so we’re probably going to be here for a while and as you give them a big smile but under your breath you’re saying fuck you you’re not sitting at my booth all day because when you do that I don’t get sat because you’re taking up one of my booths in my four table section… and then of course they sit there for about 2 hours so you are screwed out of that booth dumbass people go to Starbucks if you want to sit and chat for hours
Jose Noway
That’s a fantastic story. Tell it again!
Ciara
I fucking HAAAAATE when customers seat themselves at a dirty table. That is one of my biggest pet peeves. Idiots..
Louisa
This reminds me of the time a nasty family managed to walk in without any of us seeing (there isn’t always a host depending on the time of day), sat themselves down at a dirty table, then when i went over with menus and to wipe it down they insisted I IMMEDIATELY wipe the table down (because I was carrying the spray and cloth for the good of my health) and why didn’t they already have menus in their hands?
After I finish cleaning their table I try to get on with my life but the mother stops me and demands I now physically dry their slightly damp table. I’d like to say I wouldn’t ever do such a ridiculous thing for such an awful lady but I’m pretty sure I did.
duzi
I loathe customers who do this. Seriously, last week a lady did this, complete with death stare. I just wipe the crumbs in their lap with a smile and put menus down on the wet table. That’s what happens when you sit yourself at a dirty table, folks. Plus, I immediately hate you.
Tipsykit
Chances are, if the restaurant is half empty and all the tables are dirty, it means they got slammed earlier then a whole bunch of people all left at the same time and everyone is still running around trying to catch up, restock the side station etc. And if you don’t see any staff they are probably in the back rolling silverware or hiding in the walk in so they can have five minutes to get their composure back.
Pamela
Haha. She must not realize that probably the reason there are so many dirty tables is that she may have just arrived post-rush, when the hoards of people who have come for dinner/lunch have just left, and there are a bunch of tables left…you guessed it.. dirty. It’s not the server’s fault for everyone leaving around the same time, making them play a glorious game of “catch up” before someone else comes in & has to claim a dirty table. Understanding is a quality lacking in this day and age!
Laurie
When customers would try to do that where I worked, I just let them sit there until eventually they would come up and say “can I get a menu and this table cleared” and I would say “what was your pager #” oh I don’t have one…. And that’s why the answer is no! You can’t . would you like a pager mam?