Bitchy Waiter on Dr. Phil, 9/12/11

Surely you all must know by now that a few weeks ago, I was jetted out to the City of Angels to be on an episode of Dr. Phil. They were doing a show called “Brat Ban” and asked me to come and stand behind my opinion about children being banned from certain restaurants. In my mind, they got wind of this blog post and liked my sense of humor and writing style. In truth, they probably reached out to every other waiter/blogger and I was the only one needy and ego-driven enough to appear. We all know that Dr. Phil was birthed from the loins of Oprah herself so being a guest on his show was as close as I would ever get to being on the Oprah show, so I latched on to the opportunity. Once the producers agreed to let me use a fake ass name and mention my blog at least once, I was even more excited about it. So I did it. The time has come for the episode to air.

Monday September 12 is the day. Check your local listings here.

A producer called me yesterday and said that it was last minute but it was happening. According to some press releases, September 12th is Dr. Phil’s 10th season premiere and he is supposed to be interviewing George and Cindy Anthony about a murder trial. Clearly, I need to have the channel on something other than HGTV and Food Network, because I didn’t know who they were. However, according to producers, Monday’s show will now be about bratty children instead, and that’s where I come in. So set your DVR’s and Tivo’s if you want to see the Bitchy Waiter make his first national television appearance. Yes, I was booed a couple of times but it was worth it to hear Dr. Phil actually refer to me as Bitchy Waiter. And no, I will not be wearing a bag over my head or have a pixelated blob over my face. Instead, I washed my hair, curled my eyelashes and ironed a shirt. I hope you will tune in. I did not feel a lot of love at that show. Apparently, the studio audience loved their children more than me but their “boos” and “hisses” filled my hollow heart with joy and I ate it up.

It was a great experience. The trip was fun, the hotel was nice and it makes for a great story. I met some other great people including blogger Jennifer who writes Perfectly Disheveled. It’s kind of a mommy blog but some of you might want to check her out.

Set those DVR’s, people. Monday September 12th on Dr. Phil, you will finally hear my nasal voice and see the bird’s nest I call my hair. Here is the preview from You Tube. And yes, that is me bitching about chicken fingers and peanut butter and jelly.


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39 thoughts on “Bitchy Waiter on Dr. Phil, 9/12/11

  1. Anonymous

    Christ, that "my son's not worthy?!" woman needs to get a grip. She's obviously way too defensive and entitled to contribute rationally. I'm disappointed that she was there and given a mic. (I've heard her type before. They usually have just one kid that they waited until 40 to have and think is the best/only worthwhile kid in the world. They're the worst in this regard, and spoil their kids to an insane degree.)PS: My posting word verification below is "diskid". LOL (I just had to take a screen shot:

  2. Anonymous

    Thank you for daring to tell parents (who actually don't parent) that they should take their brats to establishments who cater to children. We expect our child to act in a socially acceptable manner in restaurants. We had to leave exactly two restaurants with her tucked under our arm when she was three years old. She quickly learned that if she acted like a wild thing she would lose the privilege of eating out. She's nine and has eaten in very nice establishments around the world. We see people's expressions when we enter restaurants and have been complimented by many people who expected to have their dinners ruined by yet another brat. My daughter eats up the compliments she receives from people who note how well behaved she is. She is also a very adventurous eater who hates fast food, excepting ice cream. I attribute her open palate to eating in fine restaurants where real, good food is offered.

  3. Cat M

    Anonymous—-And why should he get another job? Maybe he wasn't a brat of a baby. You do realize that there are some parents that *gasp* teach their children to behave right? Some parents really do their job as parents and they teach their kids manners. Not just drop out brats to run and create havoc wherever they go. You must be processed chicken or cheerio lady. Or maybe one of those many *I refuse to control my brat* people

  4. Cat M

    I forgot to include the cheerio lady from yesterday. You mentioned having to clean up the food kids throw on the floor, food they BROUGHT in with them. The cheerio lady didn't get the point at all. She made the comment they bring cheerios with to keep the kids quiet so people can enjoy their meals. Point is……pick up the cheerio mess your kids threw all over the floor before you leave!

  5. rdobs

    I have been a bitchy waitress for oooh about eleven years. I think the brat ban is WONDERFUL! I dont have any children but I honestly do love them as long as I can return them. Parents who go in public resturants (especially the fine dining type)and think they have a right to let their kids be brats because "kids will be kids" should be banned. I havent reproduced because I dont want to be responsible for anyone but myself. If I feel like drinking I go to a bar or stay home. I dont think all kids should be banned but if you raise a brat I dont want to deal w you or your kid…. And as an after thought I dont want to hear you on your phone, I dont want to wait on you while you cry and I dont like sloppy drunks. Dont be an ass no matter WHAT age!

  6. SB

    I don't usually watch Dr. Phil, but I became someone obsessed with the Casey Anthony trial and set my TiVo to record their interview. When I sat down to watch the show, I realized the topic had been changed, but the topic is one very near & dear to my heart so I decided to watch it. I have a daughter who is now in her 20's and a granddaughter who is 4. When my daughter was young, the SECOND she started having a fit in a restaurant, we took her outside. If she didn't get a grip, we'd ask for our food to be packaged to go. When she was going through her tantrum phase, we didn't even try to take her. We got a babysitter so we could go out & enjoy our night and allow others around us to do the same. My daughter does the same thing with my granddaughter because she was raised to be considerate of others. Sometimes kids act up which is normal, but it blows me away how many people let their kids run rampant with no correction at all. I’ve seen kids literally racing around a restaurant while their parents are tuned out. I’m not afraid to say something and I frequently do. I do it in a polite manner but I’m pretty firm. My typical approach is to approach the parents and ask them if the children are theirs. When they say yes, I nicely say “I’m here to enjoy a meal and a visit with my friend. When you children are left to run around on their own OR allowed to yell and pound the table with their silverware OR have a big tantrum, they are disturbing me and the other diners around you. Would you please parent them by asking them to sit at your table and be considerate of others?” I don’t yell but I like to say this loud enough that other diners hear me, because if the parents get all uppity, they will usually jump in and say something as well.If some of my favorite restaurants, movie theaters, etc went “no kids allowed” I’d be willing to pay more. I like kids, but not when they are disturbing my night out.

  7. Garrick

    Yes you do kinda look like Carrot Top… But I agree you should not have to put up with stupid people binging their kds out to a restaurant should be treated just like smokers. If the parent can't control them then they need to leave… If a smoker can't wait to smoke until he gets out side he needs to leave too.No one should have to pay for a steak and put up with screaming children.

  8. Cat M

    I am not a Dr. Phil viewer but SO happy I watched today. Hat's off to everyone who is sick of listening to other people's brats while eating (or doing anything else). What was the problem with the *my kid's not worthy* lady? Guess what lady, your kid is not interested in eating steak! As for the process chicken, we all know your kid eats that all the time considering you apparently live in an area where the brat ban leaves you no other choice as to where to eat. STAY HOME! The airport lady- she was not kicked off a flight because her baby cooed to loud. A 19 month od toddler does not coo. Loved you on the show. The defensive parents that are so offended by the brat ban need to shut up and raise their kids NOT to be brats.

  9. Anonymous

    If you are going to ban anything that annoys you you might as well ban everyone.Fags annoy me and I cant stand being around them. Also bitchy people annoy me,people that can't make up their mind,poor people,rich people,snobs,over friendly,loud, quiet,tall short,handicapped,all people are annoying and piss someone off.You are not that important of a person that you should be able to disallow any of these people service.Sure children can be loud sometimes but they are just being children you should embrace every breath they make.

  10. DaveP

    Hey Bitchy! I saw you on DrPhil today and it led me to your blog. (I don't usually watch Dr Phil, but I lost my remote. Yeah, that's it.)I've spent the last hour reading through your most recent posts, And I'm hooked! I love good writing, and you, my friend, are a very entertaining writer. I've bookmarked this site, keep up the good work!(BTW, unless the waiter was trying to pick up my wife or something, I always tip at least 20%). 🙂

  11. Andrea

    PHEW!! So glad I picked today to get caught up on some blogginess! Gotta go set my dvr—can't wait for your writing to have a voice to hear in my head! (Hope it drowns out all of the other voices in my head!)

  12. agt

    I love it! I've already got the DVR set and I can't wait. My husband will love it, too.I also have to be a little defensive – I know it's popular to bash whatever's popular at any given time, but not all of Dr Phil's viewers are "single-celled organisms". Yes, he's popular with the holier-than-thou mommy crowd, but he's also pretty popular with us take-responsibility-for-yourselves-and-your-brats crowd. Mostly, that's his attitude as well. To people who dismiss him as one-sided and then say they've never seen the show, I say this to you: I hate your opinions even though I've never bothered to hear them. Now see how stupid that looks?I'm also not a lemming; I do disagree with him on many things, but the show is entertaining and chock full of good things. His year-long series on domestic abuse saved lives. I won't debate that, as I've seen it first hand. On this topic, I'm with you. And lady, no, your kid doesn't have to "eat processed chicken because he's not worthy steak". Cook at home or go to a better class of family-oriented restaurants. I hope someone, somewhere has pointed out to her that there are more than two choices in the world. She obviously needs it.

  13. David Lightfoot

    Unfortunately, I will have to work that day, as Monday is usually my volunteer day at the non-profit organization where I work as administrative assistant. But I'll be sure to take note of you in the transcript on the website. And you also might want to take note of comment I left in the message boards. I'm under the handle davewriter. You may want to overlook the typos. I'll send you a typo-free version of my speech in an e-mail later on with some extra information attached. Toodles.

  14. Adam

    Yeah, I'm commenting twice on the same post, one of my friends said that you put a video preview up since I saw it this morning, so I had to go back and watch (I might've just missed it the first time). But can I say that that so my kids are not worthy lady is a fucking bitch. Obviously I haven't seen the show yet so I don't know her ridiculous dramatic overly-defensive irrational comment is in response to, but I HIGHLY doubt that anyone asserted that children were in any way unworthy to eat in restaurants.I knew a bunch of idiots were going to turn it into some sort of stupid child-bashing issue that it isn't because A) they're too stupid to realize what the issue actually is B) They'd rather deflect attention away from their stupidity and onto something else.

  15. Haayls

    So you were the one talking about chicken fingers and PB & J?I checked my local listings. Damn, if I have any hopes of seeing the episode, I'm going to have to hurry home from my last class.

  16. Kathleen Neves

    I've worked in the restaurant industry for many years. Kids are cute, but if they cry, scream and make a filthy mess (like most do) they are a pain in the ass and don't belong in a restaurant. If you can afford to go out to eat, you can afford to get a babysitter. It's not fair to all of the other people who want to enjoy their dinner in peace.And no. You cannot park your oversized 8-wheeling stroller at the table or at the hostess stand. The thing is a fire hazard. Take that thing outside or better yet, leave it at home, just like where the screaming children should be!

  17. Modest Goddess

    Bitchy, I found your website after you posted a link on dlisted. I just want to say the following:You are a very good writer.You have made me more aware of the challenges of being a waiter and while I've always tried to be fair and courteous, I've tried being more so since reading your blog.I read your blog all the time now. I've now resorted to going to your first post and working my way back up.If that's you with the peanut butter comment in the preview then you are cute.Also, 'put a tampon in it' has got to be the BEST response to undercooked beef, EVER. I wish you success and happiness. And fuck that uptight bitch who looks like she regrets giving birth and giving up smoking weed so she could breastfeed. Of course her stupid kid can't appreciate steak. It's a kid! Take it somewhere with a slide and a man in a padded costume. Hire a babysitter if you want to eat at a nice restaurant. For fuck's sake! Why must others be punished because your vagina has delivered offspring? Or teach it to say please, thank you and sit quietly. That is all.

  18. Mary A.

    squeeee!!!!! I may have to pull a sickie so I can watch. I can't wait to hear more about chicken fingers.And yes, I am a mom, but NO it is not OK for my kids to be brats. And we do NOT take them to places where they wouldn't normally be welcome — like sushi bars, bistros, or cabarets.

  19. Gallo

    REALLY! I despise Dr. Phil so I am glad you punched him and his audience full of "I wish I d made it to Oprah, but dr. Phil will have to do"Good luck I will record it on monday.

  20. Adam Hawthorne

    Know what? Fuck that audience. FUCK THEM. Dr. Phil viewers? They're mostly single-celled organisms. I wouldn't consider it a success UNLESS you pissed them off. They're all fucking deluded and I could've told you before you even got there that they're the douches with the misbehaving kids that ruin everyone's day-to-day existance. I would be ashamed if I got approval from those people because they're nobodies.The show is a great platform for you to meet people who aren't dumb enough to think that misbehaving brats (and stupid parents that never should've been allowed to procreate in the first place) have a place in public. So I'm proud of you for eliciting a couple of boos from the audience. The masses need to be exposed to more of the truth, and it might hurt their ignornat little bubble-world of denial to hear that they suck at life but it still needs to happen. The general public is so dumb that they don't actually listen to anything any more, they just have a filter that picks up key words here and there. That stupid audience probably just heard some commentary on bad parenting and etiquette and automatically interpretted "CHILD-HATING!"So congratulations, you're fucking awesome and I look forward to Monday!

  21. ChiTown Girl

    OH MY HELL! I can not wait!! I have NEVER watched one single episode of Dr. Phil, because I despise that pompous assbag, but I will be watching it on Monday, that's for damn sure!!


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