Sadly, I was not at work when someone asked the most stupid question I have ever heard a customer ask. I understand that sometimes people may not understand everything on the menu or perhaps there is an ingredient that may be unfamiliar, but when I was told this, I had to question if the customer was either a four-year old child, new to this country or just plain stupid. The question:
What is salsa? Salsa? Has this person never come out from the rock that she must be living under? How does someone not know what salsa is? I guess if it had just said “salsa” on the menu without the prerequisite “chips” it could possibly throw someone off, but I think “chips and salsa” is pretty clear. I suppose my co-worker answered with some vague description like “it’s a tomato based dip with chunks of fresh tomatoes and cilantro and peppers that is usually served with corn tortilla chips.” How does one even describe salsa? It’s like trying to say what water is. Try to describe water as if someone had never heard of it. It’s impossible. Since I wasn’t at work when this happened, I can only imagine what it would have been like if they would have asked me that question:
CUSTOMER: What is salsa?
CUSTOMER: This salsa stuff, what is it?
ME: You’re kidding, right?
CUSTOMER: No, I’ve never heard of it. Do tell, please.
ME: I am I on fucking Candid Camera? Is this Punk’d? Are you Ashton Kutcher?
CUSTOMER: Excuse me, I would just like to know what salsa is.
ME: Salsa is a type of dance.
CUSTOMER: Oh, I see. And what does it come with?
ME: It comes with tortilla chips. I put them in a basket and then I have to put on a this kind of Flamenco outfit. And then as I serve the chips, I jump up on to your table and dance the salsa. You may have seen it performed on So You Think You Can Dance, but they didn’t do it with chips. Just another person. Would you like the chips and salsa, because if you do I need to hurry so I have time to iron the costume.
CUSTOMER: Are there a lot of chips?
ME: There are a fair amount of chips, but way more salsa. I highly recommend it, but it might be better if you order it from Tom. He’s better at the dance and the costume fits him quite nicely. Would you like Tom to bring you the chips and salsa?
CUSTOMER: That sounds lovely, yes. Thank you.
ME: Tom, table #3 wants chips and salsa. You better stretch and warm up.
ME: Nothing, but would you please take an order of chips and salsa to table #3? Thanks, dear.