Waitress of the Sky Loses It, Becomes God

By now you may have heard of my hero of all heroes who decided that he needed Calgon to take his ass away immediately. A Jet Blue fight attendant had words with a passenger who started to remove his luggage from the overhead bin before the aircraft had come to a complete and final stop. The Waitress of the Sky known as Steven Slater told the douchedbag customer to sit his ass down since the captain had presumably not turned off the fasten your seat belts sign. Of course the customer was full of self importance and ignored the rules. When his luggage hit the steward(ess) on the head, all hell broke loose up in that cabin. According to legend, (because this is what it will always be to me, just like Paul Bunyan and his Big Blue Ox), my hero went up to the PA system and cursed this bitch out and then said that twenty years in the airline business was enough. He grabbed a beer, said, “It’s been great” and then made the coolest and bitchiest exit ever in the history of quiting a job. He activated the emergency slide and slid his ass outta there and drove his ass home. Steven: next time you do this call me. I will come and get you in a white stretch limo and there will be buckets of champagne chilling in the back seat. The floorboard will be covered with rose petals and Queen will be singing “We Are the Champions” as we motor out of JFK in style. All service employees will salute you as we make our way to the Canyon of Heroes for your ticker fuckin’ tape parade.

I have quit jobs before but this air hostess knows how to do it right. In the future when I decide to leave a job, the bar has been set so incredibly high by this modern day customer service hero that it may be impossible to surpass. As I face my first day back to waiting tables after a nine week hiatus, I am considering bringing my own emergency evacuation slide with me to work. I want one real bad. I can see it now. As I stand over booth five waiting for an ancient old lady to decide if she wants sparkling water, flat water or to just give up on living altogether, I pull the rip cord and grab a Cosmo. As the slide opens in a matter of seconds the sheer force of it knocks the old lady back into 1922. She then orders a Sarsaparilla float and starts to do the Charleston as I slide my ass outta there and live happily ever after. This, unlike our Steven Slater who was arrested a short while later and may have to go to jail for his drama queen ways. I doubt it though. I think any judge would be like “A for effort, but don’t you do it again. Now get outta here, you crazy kid and don’t let me catch you in here again.” He probably lost his job for this stunt but I say write a book about it and sell the movie rights to Lifetime or Logo. Or at the very least, become a Deity so I have someone to pray to every night.

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37 thoughts on “Waitress of the Sky Loses It, Becomes God

  1. Phoenix Rising

    Best blog post about Steven Slater EVER. He is a Hero – to anyone who has ever had to try to reign unruly, arrogant, self-important people in to follow policy and rules "with a smile" – I salute him. And your blog. You say everything I can't. (At least not out loud where people can hear me.)

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  2. minivan gal

    Great blog! I wrote a post earlier today about the "Steve Slater effect", and stumbled upon your post, which made me laugh out loud. While I have a different take on whether or not he was justified, I think we can agree he has a guest host spot on the view next to Joy Behar in his future….Mario Cantone ain't got nothin' on Steve Slater! I edited my post to give you a shout out!http://minivanmonologues.blogspot.com/2010/08/steven-slater-effect.html

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  3. Sweet Charity

    Anyone who has ever worked in customer service for a signficant period of time likely thinks this Hostess with the Mostess is a whole lotta' awesome. I waitressed and worked in retail for many years, and let me tell you, it gives you a loathing for mankind. People are douches. A lot of them. Props to the Waitress of the Sky for giving that biatch what she deserved.

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  4. Lisa Simeone

    O, Bitchy Waiter, you are my new deity! I've been worshiping at the Altar of Steven Slater for two days, but now my allegiance is being tested — by you! This is about the funniest damn thing I've read in years. Thou are wondrous! Thou art blessed! I wish I knew where you worked so I could patronize your fair establishment and leave you the fattest fucking tip on the planet! xxoo

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  5. Anonymous

    & Terra- what does him being HIV positive have to do with anything? it just means he is a dirty douche bag. If he is caring for his dying mother, then he is dumb for doing what he did. He had to of realised he would be arrested for that. Airlines are easily scared now days. He's an idiot.anon 12:06

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  6. Kristen

    Great post! Makes me wonder how long he'd been planning to leave. After that long in that industry, you know he had perfected his exit strategy–and then executed it flawlessly. I hope he doesn't have to do jail time. That would be silly.

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  7. Terra

    i read somewhere he's HIV positive and he's caring for his mother dying of cancer. I hate the douchebags that arrested him. What about assult for the dumbass that hit him over the head?this is now the precedent for all ways to quit ever.

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  8. Tricia

    Amen and hallelujah! That was the best news article I'd read in ages and that flight attendant is my hero!The guy leaping out of the way so his GIRLFRIEND gets hit with the foul ball at the Astros game (check out Yahoo) is pretty damn funny, too.

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  9. Erica

    This makes me wish I had quit my crappy job before I got fired from it. I hated that job so much and I had so many grand exit strategies.

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  10. Anonymous

    Good for this guy. Hope he doesn't go to jail or anything. You know, people are such a**holes and having to serve those people is terrible. TERRIBLE. so good for him.

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  11. Mary A.

    This is a great way to quit.I quit the Junior League by sending an e-mail that said:"Dear Bow-heads: I quit"Not quite as epic, but the Junior League can be pretty terrifying. You may write a blog about it if you want. Maybe I'll write about it on my blog. Either way.

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  12. Anonymous

    What makes this even better is that after he pulled his kick ass exit strategy from the world of flight stewards he was later arrested at home while he was getting laid. Fuck Yea! This guy fucking rocks.

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  13. SkippyMom

    If the phrase For The Win was created for any scenario THIS would be it. Way to go Steve. :)I hope the whole plane applauded. I know I would've [and then tripped the douche that started it all]

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  14. Sean

    I am not carrying an emergency slide with me anytime I go anywhere from now on because of this person. I must be prepared to make an exit as grand as this on a moment's notice.

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  15. The Ranters Box

    This is f*cking ingenious!! Hail to the King for his brilliant exit out of customer service hell. I love this!!!I think you have just written the treatment for our hero's future screen play. And of course I think there is no one better to play the 'Waitress of the Sky' than you Bitchy Waiter.xo The Empresshttp://rantersbox.blogspot.com

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  16. Keda

    Good for Stephen! I always enjoy a good bit of drama, just as long as it's not an everyday occurrence because then it just becomes boring and, well, everyday. Well done for those who have ever taken such a wondrous stand (the list does not at the moment, include me).

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  17. Hed

    Man, I wish I had the creativity of this guy to quit! When I have quit on the spot, I usually sheepishly clock out and get the hell out of dodge before anyone notices. I suck!

    Reply

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