I Hate Kids, Part 378

Okay, so I am not waiting tables because I am busy being a full time actor and shit, but I have spent a lot of time eating at restaurants and sitting on the other side of the menu. I took myself to breakfast this morning because I couldn’t bear to start my day with another bowl of Cheerios and banana with a yogurt chaser. I found a quaint little diner that was going to satisfy my craving for eggs and toast. Yes, I could make these myself, but I wanted them to be cooked by someone else and then served by a waiter. All was well. I placed my order and sat in anticipation. And then it happened. A couple came in with their two adorable little girls and when I say “adorable,” I mean “bratty spoiled crybabies who couldn’t shut the fuck up.”

The younger of the girls was named Megan and I know that because I heard her name about hundred and fifty fucking times within a ten minute period. She wanted bacon and french fries for breakfast and her parents drew the line on that request. However, they told her if she would eat eggs for breakfast then they would take her to get a cupcake afterwards. Seriously? “No” to the french fries but yes to the cupcake? What the fuck point is that? I say if you’re on vacation let her have french fries for breakfast and then ask her to eat some fruit too. The dad was full of empty threats. As a non-parent (praise be to Jesus that my seed has not been sowed), it seems clear that threatening something with no intention to follow through on the threat means nothing to the child. When Megan wouldn’t sit in the chair, the dad told her that they were going to end the vacation and go back home right then. Now we know that is not going to happen. And so did the girl. She was probably thinking, “Oh Daddy, I know you already put down a non-refundable deposit on our room and have already requested these days off from work so shut the hell up.” And then a few minutes later when Megan threw her sunglasses on the floor and wouldn’t pick them up, he told her if she didn’t pick them up, he was going to throw them away. And what did Megan think? “Oh, Daddy, you aren’t going tot throw away these perfectly good sunglasses away after you just spent $10 on them. That would be silly, you dumb fuck of a daddy.” And when he threatened to make her sit on the corner, she actually said, “Oh, what corner?” He was clearly setting his daughter up for a future in prostitution.

Eventually he began treating the girl like a dog by yelling commands at her. “Megan, sit. Megan, stay.” Megan did none of these things. My dog is better behaved than this little girl. At one point, I looked over at the father and he had his head in his hands. The look in his eyes was one of sadness and desperation. It was as if he couldn’t believe that he only gets one vacation a year and here he was stuck on his vacation with his family. I almost felt sorry for him for a second. And then my omlette showed up. As I took my first bite of home fries I heard the father pleading one more thing from his daughter. “Megan, get your mouth off the chair.”

Kids. I hate ’em.

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46 thoughts on “I Hate Kids, Part 378

  1. GORE

    “they told her if she would eat eggs for breakfast then they would take her to get a cupcake afterwards”

    ah. they’re THOSE kind of PUSSY PARENTS.

    “Megan, sit. Megan, stay.”

    it may not be a DOG but it is a BITCH.

  2. Jo

    You’ve lost your mind. I guarantee we make at least three times what you do. I will apologize for calling you a woman. To indicate that I dhould close my legs is asinine. My children were all planned. Every one based on logical finances and the ability to have significant college funds for each. NYC? interesting. My uncle is a lawyer on NYC. also owns an apartment. Quite nice. He’s child free but a kindred soul. We are a charm in resturaunts. My kids are well behaved thanks to true and effective discipline and teaching. We do not go into restuuraunts meant for adults. Any high end placebos not suitable for children under 13. When hubby and I go out, we can spend up to 800.00 on a meal with wine. I wouldn’t wanty night out disturbed. I can respect that. However if we’re in a Longhorn , it’s family friendly, they are not allowed to wander or touch things that aren’t meabt for them. Etc.
    we spend a large amount when we go out. We are patient and we are respectful. We expect the same from anyone else. especially our server.
    I tip well and above and beyond for service that is equal.
    I respect the annoyed folks. Some kids are wretched. Some parents are coddling their snowflakes who can do no wrong, but not all. Look at the world objectively and give people a chance. You may be surprised.
    My only issue with this forum is the blanket statements. I’m not assuming every childless waiter is a bigot. So you shouldn’t assume every child is a terror or that every parent is daft.
    I realize were not average. We have a large family and we are actually not tacky and stupid. However there are other good, and intelligebt parents out there.

    1. GORE

      “My children were all planned.”


      ” I guarantee we make at least three times what you do”


  3. Jo

    This is absurd. So you’re a broke chick with no education who has to wait tables to get by?
    That’s pathetic. Who are you to complain.
    As a mother of seven and a military spouse, I’m disgusted.
    I too dislike rude children and crappy tippers.
    The thing is you are making blanket statements.
    My children walk in a line in public. They have manners and can order food in three languages.
    My children don’t run or play or make messes for anyone to clean. Not in any establiment that isn’t designed specifically for children.
    Not all children are horrid and not all parents are lazy and stupid.
    I tip 20%. Or more.
    Our last tab was 179.00
    I tipped 40.00.
    We teach respect.
    The hate on here shows exactly why people revere you and those like you as evil.
    Get an education. Get a real job and get some damn class.

    1. The Bitchy Waiter Post author

      So if you don’t like reading this blog, might I suggest you take your ass to another page of the Internet? I am neither broke nor a chick. I am a man who owns his own apartment in NYC which is something a very small percentage of people in the city can afford to do. You have seven kids? Jeez, I bet you’re fun to wait on. Why don’t you do the world a favor and keep your fucking legs closed once in a while.

      Also, bite me.

    2. Sasha

      This woman tries to make her family sound perfect but… her spouse is away so much she’s practically a single mother of the seven kids. Her spouse is 8th in line for attention and affection from her, which could be part of the reason he stays away. This woman must be dying for more in life than her spouse, her home, and her kids.

  4. Anonymous

    lol, this made me laugh. i work in a place with kids, some of them nice, but too many of them so disrespectful and ignorant that they make me want to not go into work again-even, if I'm not actually near them at the times I'm there. they literally make me sick and a co-worker said the same thing- the stress is making her sick…I don't have the time or skill to correct whatever went wrong with these things- it's not what I signed up for…makes me happy i decided not to have kids, it even solidifies my decision.

  5. kidsareannoying

    THANK you so much. My sister just lets her kids scream in public, and it's so embarrassing to be around her that I (seriously) moved far away. She cannot handle her kids. AT. ALL. So glad you posted this.

  6. Melissa

    If your children can not behave in public then take them home. I employ this action with my own kids. I have 3 young children and if they go out with me to eat they know the rules. Sit and be respectful. If they accidentally drop a french fry or w/e on the floor they pick it up. They are not rewarded with junk for behaving like they should behave no matter what. Correct behavior results in a thank you not a cupcake or a toy or other bribery. My children are 5yrs, 3yrs and 1yr. If I can get my 1yr old to know not to scream in public then what the hell is wrong with the parents of the 8yr old who is throwing a frigging tantrum over not being allowed to eat mustard on their ice cream…

  7. Mannix

    I wouldn't go as far as saying I hate all kids but I do hate other people's kids. I almost want to start my own business of disciplining kids. I could then walk up to a father with his hands holding up his head and say, "Hi! I noticed that your kid won't shut the fuck up. I can fix that!"But that's neither here nor there. You SO have me craving diner food now!

  8. TwisterB

    Don't hate the kids…hate the parents.If a child is sweet and well behaved I'm delighted to serve them. If they are crying screaming picky little brats I resent the parents for not getting them the fuck out of my restaurant.On a side note, my verification word is "preggir".

  9. CarrieAnn

    It's pretty mortifying to be WITH the bratty kids, too. Not only do I have my own, but I was out with my nephew last night at a restaurant. He dumped ketchup all over his fries and continuously yelled, "I'm eating blood!" I could have killed him.

  10. Jane

    You are absolutely right – nothing worse than trying to enjoy a meal when it is ruined by someone else's kids. As you said, my dog behaves better!Jane

  11. Rebecca

    Maybe it should Horrible parents I hate them. The kids are learning what their parent's are teaching them. bad parents suck if they would stick to what they say and leave the diner, maybe their kids would learn to behave in public.

  12. laura jane

    hey mister ;)I feel for you. Good grief! I noticed your labels "brats..i hate kids…kids suck" heh heh. So I gather you don't want to hear about other kids. lol! Check please and lollipop for the megan, good day.Well at lease you got what you wanted…xx!

  13. ChronicNerd

    Well I have to say I hate PARENTS not kids. Children left to their own devices are usually quiet and content. It is when the parents start the "sit", "Stay", "eat"… that they start to go buggy on you.

  14. zeebee

    Not all kids are bratty like that. Some kids that come in my restaurant are well practised in cute (they know cute is a better weapon than whingeing to get what they want. I should know, my own offspring is a cute expert – he can turn on the charm to get his weight's worth of chocolate) – their parents let them pay, or they ask really funny questions …… but I can still do one better. I was getting a customer's order ready, I'd sat them down because it took a couple of minutes, and some other customer put their toddler on our counter and walked away. And her brat reached over and helped itself to my customer's fries when I was the other side of the restaurant. Like, does she not feed the kid ever?

  15. The Ranter's Box

    I couldn't agree more when it comes to parents who have absolutely no control over their bratty kids. If no boundaries are established then it ends up being the child who runs the show. It's great so see that readers are in support of this blog post. I blogged about a similar experience that happened in IKEA (f'ing brat kid destroying merchandise and projectile sneezing snot all down the back of my arm…) and some reader tried to make excuses for this type of unacceptable behavior. Parents need to be held accountable for the behavior of their children OR they have no business having children. So, high five Bitchy Waiter! I'm with you 100% on this post!!! -The Ranter's Box.

  16. L

    I'm a waitress at Disneyland…I TOTALLY understand and relate to your post. I do want to know…since you weren't at work when this kid flipped out, why didn't you say something? You wouldn't get in trouble and you know the waiter was thinking everything you were.

  17. tracy

    You were so right that Megan knew that she had control. That is the moment that all parents dread… that the kids realize you really only have so much power. Looks like that kid learned it early. Funny that you were eating home fries… that sounds like what Megan wanted. I am sure her mother spells Megan some complicated way, like Meaghann, just to piss off her teachers.

  18. Shadowfire

    I HATE going out to eat and dealing with other people's bratty kids. I have a 2 year old boy. If he acts up and is annoying other people (I'm someone who actually checks to see if anyone is being annoyed) we head outside immediately. If it's somewhere where people aren't paying any attention, then he's warned. He knows if he pisses off mom and dad out in public he's in deep crap when we get home. We don't put up with that kinda thing and my folks never did either. He drops food, he cleans it up. Etc. Act up, we leave. The majority of the time, he's good. He doesn't like being made to clean or having to leave because he likes seeing people. But I hate the parents who don't manage their kids! If my 2 year old can stay in his chair, be quiet, not throw food, etc why can't your 10 or 8 or 12 year old? I want to beat some sense into those parents! If only I could get away with it….

  19. MK

    I love kids, but you're right, the annoying ones acting out in public are so argh….I feel like spanking them. And then spanking their parents for doing a terrible job too.

  20. Elizabeth

    I spent two and a half years as a waitress at a TGI Fridays (what the hell was I thinking?!) and I have never dealt with as many bratty children in my life as I did when I was at work. Because it was such a 'kid friendly environment' parents would take that to mean the kids could be as loud as they wanted and make as big of a mess as they wanted…um, no? When a parent came in with small children, we as servers would cringe and just pray that if they were seated in our section, that they were moderately well behaved. Sometimes we would get lucky and the kid would be incredibly polite, but it always seemed that the overwhelming majority of the time, they were brats. If you cannot keep your child from trying to pry decorations off of the walls, or from coloring on the tablecloth, WHY BRING THEM TO DINNER?! It just reflects poorly on the parent and shows how little discipline the children actually get. My parents were firm believers in well-behaved kids at the dinner table, and if we attempted even a third of what some of the children I had to deal with did, we went home. My parents would have our meals boxed and make sure we cleaned up our mess – and we would leave. If we threw anything, they would take us by the hand and make us pick it up. If we colored on the table, they had the server bring us a rag and we had to scrub it off. We learned quickly not to do stupid shit because we didn’t want to deal with having to clean it up. When my husband and I decide to have children, I fully intend to follow the same principles my parents did – I remember my days of dealing with bratty children and how much they drive not only the server but the other guests nuts.

    1. guest

      Fellow sympathizer here to tell you this: Troublesome kids in restaurant are worse than annoying. They’re irksome.

  21. Jorie

    Parents are scared to discipline their kids nowadays. My son is FULL of energy, and likes to act silly, even in restaurants, but the moment that "silly" turns into rude or bad or anything else like that, he gets in trouble. He's so deathly afraid of "time out" that all it took was one time of me marching him to a corner near the bathroom of a restaurant, that now he knows if I tell him he's going to time out he better straighten up.

  22. California Girl

    Nothing spoils a meal worse than one of these three:1) Screaming or crying or demanding kids.2) Some jerk on a cell.3) Someone at another table speaking as though the entire restaurant wants to hear what they have to say.I honestly don't remember either of my sons acting up in a restaurant. I know if they did, we took them outside until they could get control or behave. My grandmother believed you should take children out to dine and often to teach them how to behave in public. She was a sophisticated business woman and I guess she thought you needed to expose children to everything early. Trouble is, so many people have no control or refuse to reign in the behaviour of their kids.Manners are out the window for so many nowadays. My sons are both waiters & they have many of the same complaints you have.

  23. Melanie

    Seriously? I've seen these parents and I think to myself your child is the adult in your house isn't he? I have three very unruly boys but you know what? They all know that if they embarrass Mommy in public, life will suck in private. Raise the standard people…raise the standard. BTW, kudos to you for enjoying your omlet and not letting Little Miss Brat ruin your morning!

  24. Chrissy

    btw, before i get bashed for my comment… I have 3 now adult kids… and if my child ever acted up in public we were out of wherever we were… I am one of those few accountable parents.

  25. Brandi

    I'm glad I'm not the only one. If they can't behave, leave them at home. That's why there are such things as babysitters and grandparents.

  26. Chrissy

    Hey, I've witnessed many a times bratty kids and not just in restaurants… EVERYWHERE! lol… The kids reflect the parents' lack of parenting… I think some parents shouldn't be parents…. Point taken, my sil had a child late in life… Her hubby wanted another and she put her foot down.. Bottom line, I know she definitely wanted a kid as a token… Kids may come off as brats or act bratty because its obvious their parents either are subjecting them to what the parent wants to do- little ones really do need their naps and I've seen it where u can tell that baby or child does not want to be in public either at the stores or restaurants… We all know babies and toddlers need their morning (if baby) as well as afternoon naps… Toddlers definitely do… And yes, kids need their space away from their parents- don't we all? So whenever u see a bratty kid, take a look at the parent… If the parent disciplines outrageously, or lacks the skill to discipline or leave the establishment so that their kid does not infringe on other patron's rights- then turn on the sensitivity towards the child… The child mimics either what he or she is not getting…and I don't mean a toy…lol


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