For the last few days I have been living high on the hog and eatin’ out fancy style. A few nights ago, I traveled out to Brooklyn to eat at my favorite Thai restaurant, Joya. I loves it. As always, it was really crowded and we had to wait for a table, but since I have been going there for years and have gotten to know the owners a little bit, they gave us a round of drinks while we waited for our table. It pays to be friendly to the owners and develop a relationship because nothing says “good restaurant” like free Cosmopolitans. After a few minutes, we were beckoned to follow the host to our table. As I said, it was really crowded and we had to navigate around a few tables that were near the bar and host stand. It was completely unintentional, but my friend Maya bumped into a table where this nasty ass skank ho was stuffing her face with spring rolls. Now it was not the fault of my friend. It was crowded and the table was pushed out into the aisle a bit. Besides that, my friend is as graceful as a goddamn mother fucking prima ballerina and shit. She’s as graceful as a freakin’ gazelle. But she bumped into the table and it knocked the votive candle over. My friend immediately apologized to the woman and her ugly boyfriend. It wasn’t a big deal but the skank ho gave us a look that said “I will cut you.” Again, Maya apologized and moved on. I was behind my friends so I was able to see the full expression on this chick’s face from start to finish.
First she furrowed her brow, pursed her lips, crinkled her nose and inhaled all at once. Can you do that so you know what I mean? Furrow, purse, crinkle, inhale. Then she she tilted her head to one side and snarled her lips. Like one side of her upper lip went all snarly and shit so high that it almost touched her nostril. She really shouldn’t make that expression very often because every time she does it, there is a good chance that she will smear the black lip liner she had on. Yeah, black lip liner. Pretty, right? Then she looked like she was going for a gold medal in eye rolling because bitch practically pulled her eyes out of their sockets in order to achieve her desired look. It bothered me more than it should have, but it was just an accident and it didn’t even make a mess. This beyotch just wanted a reason to be mad. And to be mad at my friend Maya, the delicate elegant swan of loveliness is just not right. Especially when it is coming from this uncouth graceless cow black lip liner wearing ho bag.
The rest of the evening went off perfectly. I assume that Eye Roller/Lip Liner got over it. If I know her type, she probably complained to her waiter that her table was bumped in to and tried to get some free red curry with chicken. You just know she did. It just made me glad that I was a patron that night and not having to deal with this twat. And by the second Cosmopolitan it was a good thing she had left. I would have had words with her. Primarily some makeup tips.