Pass the Syrup

We all know that I can’t stand stupid ass people in my station. I just don’t deal well with stupidity and that ain’t easy because in a restaurant you get all types of stupid. From kinda dumb to fucking retarded in the brain. A few years ago when I worked at the Marriott, I came across a real tool head. It was brunch and I was doing my thing. It being a buffet, my thing was usually hanging out in the sidestand and eating croissants and waiting until someone was ready for their check. Now the Marriott is a real fine hotel, doncha know? When someone ordered a waffle or pancakes, it was served with an individual glass bottle of real honest to goodness maple syrup. And it was kept under a heat lamp so it was warm when the customer got it. If that ain’t fancy, then I don’t know what the fuck is, right? The bottle also had our Brooklyn logo on it so a lot of times people would want them as souvenirs. I question anyone who wants a food product as a souvenir, but people did it all the time.

One day this man called me over to discuss his waffle. He wanted some more syrup. I scanned his table and saw that he only had his one empty bottle so I was going to go get him another one. If someone had a full one already, I would just tell them they could have another one when they were finished with the first one. There would be no souvenir syrups on my watch. He stopped me before I could go to the kitchen. “But do you have any real syrup?” I looked at him and asked him to repeat the question. “I want some real syrup.” Still unsure of what he wanted, I told him that the syrup we used was 100% maple syrup from Vermont and was a very high quality product. “Naw,naw, naw. Real syrup. Like Aunt Jemimah or Log Cabin syrup. Real syrup.” I looked at the man in a sad way and felt bad that he didn’t know the difference between syrup and crap. I just sighed. And said, “Oooh now I understand. No sir, I’m sorry. All we have is 100% maple, we don’t have any real syrup.”

Stupid tool.
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11 thoughts on “Pass the Syrup

  1. invisible23

    Ok I’m trying to stop myself from commenting on all these old posts cause I know I’m probably annoying you but it’s so hard to stop. I have to admit that I am the worst type of souvenir collector. I have a drawer full of hotel notepads, and god knows how many of the matching pens. So I think it is safe to say that I would have been all over these syrup bottles.

  2. Anonymous

    Seriously–you are way too intelligent to be waiting tables. You're a very talented writer. But I can definitely relate, as I worked in a restaurant for 6 years. One day, I predict you're going to blow and tell someone to eff off. Wish I could be there to watch it happen. After it does, go get yourself a job writing!

  3. dirtydisher

    The funnniest thing I was ever asked for..a tenderloin, rare. The cook yelled at me and we got into it. She was scary, but, I stood my ground. The customer is always, cough, right. I took it out and he was upset. He ordered again. I was stumped. The cook was stumped..still yelling at me. I told her to go out and get the fuckers order. He said "Turlion, raore." Turned out he had a severe speech impediment. I ended up buying him and the cook beer.

  4. pixienighingale

    You know, the "real" syrup discussion is something I have actualyl gotten into an argument with my husband about before. MROE THAN ONCE. I tell him that maple syrup is better, because, of curse, that is what I grew up with.He grew up with pancake syrup and considers that real syrup. I think it tastes like shit and will have none of it.

    1. Kaos

      I grew up with crappy syrup (and crappy everything else marketed to middle America LOL) —moreover the majority of it was generic/store brand. We weren’t poor! We were solidly upper middle class and could easily afford better. I guess those two (!!!) brand new Cadillacs (yeah they were classy like that) every single year took priority.

      Of course “better” is subjective but as a kid I much preferred *Mrs. Butterworth (and only Mrs. B., not Log Cabin, or Aunt J., or Hungry Jack, or any of the other ‘national brands’ to “Safeway Pancake Syrup.” ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

      As an adult who has been around the block (and the world) a few times I have discovered and refined my tastes over the years. It’s the same for butter: real butter, not Country Crock, I can’t Believe It’s Not Butter, Imperial (which as a kid I thought was *the* pinnacle of fake butter), not that other one that comes in the small tubs that my parents re-used for cereal bowls…butter. No individually wrapped “processed cheese food” American singles, no Wonder bread, etc., etc., etc.

      It’s the real thing or it’s garbage.

      *Mrs. Butterworth still has a spot in the pantry but for Husband, not for me. To be fair Husband isn’t from this country, or any country where pancakes and syrup have ever been a “thing” so he hasn’t had 50 years to get used to better and got seduced by Mrs. B. (and a *lot* of “American” things) early on. He’s coming along though…I told him it’s fake and he’s being more responsive to eating real syrup on the real pancakes/waffles that I make from scratch (not often, but not out of a box mix) so there’s hope. Someday Mrs. B. will be only a distant memory and not taking up valuable real estate in my pantry.

      1. Kaos

        “…not that other one that comes in the small tubs that my parents re-used for cereal bowls…”

        It was called Parkay. I knew I’d remember as soon as I submitted my comment.

        BW — we need an “edit” function! LOL

  5. Bonnie

    That reminds me of when I was working at a restaurant that served one of those onion bloom things… This woman said–"oh, I just love this, can you get me another side of the sauce that comes with this?" I went to the kitchen, brought her back a side of the dipping sauce, and she said, "No, honey. This sauce here at the bottom of the bowl! It's so yummy!" Um, er, the fryer grease? Went back to the kitchen and brought her a tasty ramekin of fryer grease. Another happy customer….


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