Lost and Found

This list could go on and on and on. Over the years I have been amazed at what people will leave behind when they are done eating at a restaurant. How come no one ever leaves a fucking iPhone or mp3 player? It’s always a just a crappy pair of reading glasses or an old ratty pack of cigarettes.

Things to NOT Leave at Your Table

I am moved to write because today some lady threw her baby into a mega-stroller and rolled it into my station. The baby looked like it was a few weeks old and I don’t know why the fuck anyone would drag their weeks old baby to eat at my place, but she did. Actually I should say her nanny did. Mother just talked on the phone and took cell phone pictures of it. Maybe she was Grandmother. Bitch looked old. First thing: “Can you turn down the music? The baby is asleep.” Whatever. Point of story is when they left. I went to clear the table and there was a tiny diaper rolled into a ball that was sitting with the dirty dishes and used napkins. Like I won’t notice a fucking dirty diaper. So I have decided to make a list of things to not leave at your table:

  • diapers
  • snot rags
  • babies
  • trash from other restaurants
  • hair pieces
  • magazines that I don’t want to read like Time or Ladies Home Journal
  • crappy cell phones
  • your bad attitude
  • odor
  • junk mail
  • your phone number (ugly people only)
  • apple cores, banana peels or sunflower seeds
  • used gum
  • gum of any kind
  • dirty diapers

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8 thoughts on “Lost and Found

  1. Pingback: The 411 on the #2 | the bitchy waiter

  2. lostgirl

    I work in retial and had a customer leave the diaper in the suitcase department. The bathroom like 25 feet away and available, but no not close enough, also people leave the craziest stuff with us right now we have 2 pairs of car keys 3 sets of keys which I think its to the house, lots and lots of money, jewelry and most of that shit has been there for months.

  3. the Gangsta

    I had someone leave their emptied out Plan B birth control pack on the table. Not that it was gross, but I really didn't need to know about your unprotected sex last night.I found it funny that she got the most expensive item though, because the Plan B warning label (that we read aloud in the back of the restaurant) said that nausea is a very common side effect.

  4. lovinmyloo

    drunk or forgetful people should be grateful if they get their stuff back, but i am not a thief…anymore…i had a table with a couple and their daughter, probably 17 but developmentally challanged, her actions and requests were that of a 9 year old, maybe cp, anyway she must have asked her mom if she could carry a purse…mom didn't clean the purse out all the way and gave it to the sweet girl with a personal check for $300.00 that was already signed, basically cash, if i were an a**hole i would have cashed it but instead i called a number on a business card also in the purse and dad came to pick it up, by the way it also had a used needle in it…

  5. Sauce

    My parents own a bakery and cafe and while they get their share of horrible things left behind every once in awhile someone will leave something good and never come back for it. For example, I just got a really nice Mountain Hardware jacket that way. It's basically brand new and they just never came back for it. After three months my mom said I could have it. How convenient that it's just my size!

  6. Waiter Extraordinaire

    Some people with young babies I cannot figure out. I mean really they should be at home with them.But then again these people probably have a child that totally interupts their must have meal out now dining experience. Don't have kids then!


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