I Wanna be a Wino

It has been well established that I am a big fan of the cocktail. Why just last night I decided that I would ignore my hacking cough, post nasal drip and addiction to Puffs Plus and have a grapefruit margarita while I watched an Oprah episode I had DVR’d. I felt like the grapefruit juice would help my cold. Vitamins, you know? It has also been established that I don’t know poop squat about wine selection. Here’s the proof. I have very rarely worked anyplace that wine was a big priority so my knowledge is lacking. I drink it, don’t get me wrong. I’m just not picky. After all, I grew up drinking California Coolers in the backseat of the car as Kim and Stephanie drove around Victoria, Texas. As you can imagine, my palate is not very refined. I also drank Boone’s Berry Farm and on special occasions Bartles and Jaymes. More than once, I recall buying a box of Franzia for a party because I wanted to be classy. These days, I have stepped it up a wee bit and drink Yellow Tail and whatever people have brought to my house. It’s bad, I know. I ain’t got no wine knowledge. I fear that the wino on the 7 train has a more sophisticated palate than I do. The wino also has a better social life than I do. It’s embarrassing.

When I went to the wine country last summer, I went to two tastings but I liked everything that was poured for me. The people next to me were saying things like, “this one has too much of a floral aftertaste” or “that one has a real woodsy aroma.” Me, I was all, “Why didn’t you fill my glass up all the way? What kinda lame ass wine tasting is this?” I got appropriately buzzed at the tastings and did what I thought I was supposed to do which was buy a $36 bottle of wine. Seeing that it was about four times what I usually pay for wine, I felt real fancy. I think I drank it two weeks later with a hamburger.

But I am going to change. Why should I limit my to love vodka and tequila? I want to love wine, but to do that I need to learn about it. A found a blog called Wine Minx and I have actually been reading it and paying attention to what she writes. Most of the times, I link to other blogs because they paid me $50 to do it, but in this case, I am linking because it’s a good blog. (And a good friend, but she didn’t ask me to do this.) You should check it out if you want to learn about the grape. Wine Minx. Read it. Follow it. Love it. And then twist off that cap of of zinfandel in your fridge and say good by to lame wine selection. Let’s all become winos together, shall we?

Here is the recipe for Grapefruit Margaritas in case you just can’t do the wine thing.
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20 Responses to I Wanna be a Wino

  1. Wendy says:

    Aww, Bitchy, don't put yourself down. Boyfriend & i have been going to wine tastings for 3 years or so now (every Tuesday evening), and i still don't know a lot about wine. And i don't CARE! I know what i like and what i don't like. I don't CARE if some high-falootin' wine "expert" says something is good or bad or whatever; if i like it *I* like it. That's what counts.Plus, i never taste the (chocolate, tobacco, pears, whatever) that those snobs say you're supposed to taste… until i've had *juuust* enough. =-)The first thing Boyfriend & i started doing was figuring out if we like white or red.Red. Check.Then we started to narrow it down to if we like Zinfandel (which is a RED wine), Malbec, Cabernet Sauvignon, Pino Noir, etc.There's just SO much that makes a difference in all wine, like the country it's from (and the region in that country), the weather that year, plus alllll sorts of other stuff.To me? It's just too much!To me it just boils down to "Do *I* like this? Yes? Then by god, pour me another glass!"Do what works for *YOU*!Love your blog!=-)

  2. Staci says:

    Despite my love for cocktails (or cocktizzles, if you prefer), I have been laying off the Absolut and have been trying to get into wine. Luckily, I live in a town that has dozens of vineyards and wineries so the local fare is awesome and there is lots to choose from. Also, I don't get fucked up as quickly after drinking a bottle of wine like I do do after 3 cocktizzles. Try Barefoot Pinot Noire from Lodi. Delish. There is a pick of it in my mobile uploads on my Faceplace.

  3. Noelle says:

    I think to be an expert on wine you have to drink a lot of it and talk about it a lot. Not to hard because there is SO much of it.Thanks for the link to Wine Minx, I believe I can learn something there.

  4. dohhead says:

    Humorous, as usual. My Saturday's are not complete without my Bitchy waiter read. Cheers, and happy w(h)ining!

  5. The Empress says:

    With your now public vino proclamation, you'll become a grape expert and be making wine bottle necklaces before you know it. Enjoy!http://rantersbox.blogspot.com/

  6. Krissy says:

    I'm infact a wino

  7. I admire your drinking your way through a cold. I might have done that once or twice! Everything I ever learned about wine was just as an occupational hazard. I never really cared either until one day I was asked to run a wine program. Talk about faking it until you make it! Victoria, Texas you say? My family is from Shiner :)

  8. I am a wino. My nickname was once Gimpy Wino Midget (quite a story behind that one, I assure you). Anywhoo… I have a gigantic bottle of Barefoot Merlot and will likely have a glass to honor your coming into the fold of wine.But mostly just 'cause it is sitting on my table looking sad.

  9. Karen says:

    You might want to check out John Cleese's "Wine for the Confused". It's on Netflix instant download. kind of puts the whole wine thing in perspective.

  10. Eden says:

    Growing up in a house where "drinkin was a sin" alcohol was not a part of my life until my 20's. So my wine palate is very underdeveloped. Basically they all taste good (aka sweet) or bad (what an expert might love). My preference Wlld Vines Blackberry Merlot. ~$4I practically buy it by the case because everyone I know, wine lover or not absolutely loves it. How's that for high falooten?!

  11. Wendy says:

    Just enjoy wine. Don't get to caught up in the "what should I taste" or "what should I smell" and just drink what you like.

  12. DD says:

    I wish someone would tell me if there's a wine that tastes like Welches grape juice.

  13. manojoel says:

    good stories..at waitermood.blogspot.com thank you for readingwaitermood

  14. Cloud says:

    Well, I love my wine! But I must admit that it's usually Franzia or something equally inexpensive (unless I'm bring treated by someone else!) due to my shitty job and inability to pay for anything fancy until I'm out of school and get a real job.

  15. sally says:

    I like boxed wine. I like the 2 buck chuck. Wine is a scam. Drink what you like as long as it's cheap. I am convinced that expensive and rare wine, and "collecting" wine is for people who are too uptight to admit they like to get drunk. For some reason it just seems less boozy-floozy to hold onto a glass of chardonnay than it does to hold onto a jack and coke or a margarita or something. Here's a trick–If you buy a bottle of cheap red wine and it is too acidic, put some salt in it. Or a few drops of liquid stevia. (health food store) Try it!

  16. sally says:

    Here's the other thing: almost any wine will taste FANTASTIC if you pair it with the right food. So that's the real trick–memorizing what goes with what.

  17. J Grace says:

    There's nothing wrong with wine in a box. If it wasn't good, they wouldn't have made a whole box of it!

  18. Laura Leane says:

    Ohhh goodie, a group project! I have learned that when in doubt in front of a scary looking wine list, all you have to do is look for and order the 2007 Cabernet (or "Cab" if you REALLY want to sound fancy) and you're in ;) My wino cousin was going on and on about how awesome 2007 was for cabernet… she would know, she shells out $50 for a bottle without batting an eye; she cray-cray.Love & Hugs,Laura

  19. Jeff says:

    What, no MD 20/20?

  20. LawLucy says:

    Now THAT is a fucking Margarita…a CUP of tequila? LOL

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