My Dogs Are Barkin’

What do you have to wear for shoes at your job? It’s one of the things I hate the most about putting together a work uniform/costume because shoes are too freakin’ expensive to begin with. And then to have to buy a pair that you are only going to wear at work and eventually you see them covered in coffee, ketchup and tears. At my most recent job, I was required to buy a very specific pair of shoes so that they would match the decor of the restaurant. Unlike normal eateries, this place wanted shoes based on style rather than comfort or safety. We were asked to wear Converse or Vans or Keds or some similar sneaker and they needed to be a certain shade as well. They encouraged us to look for these shoes at thrift stores in order to “go green” but like anyone is going to buy a pair of used shoes. You may as well just put out a welcome home sign for bed bugs, cooties and bacteria. So I splurged and bought some really cute tan colored Vans that I thought I would wear outside the job too. However, once I wore them at work for more than a couple of hours, I knew these would only be work shoes. I have never noticed before, but sneakers like that have absolutely no support and wearing them on hard floors all day was not good for the dogs. In addition, they have no resistance, so slipping was a common occurrence. “Oh, what? You slipped and busted your ass and your arches have fallen? Pity. Your shoes are darling though and they go so well with the decor.”

After my first eight hour shift, I was longing for my Payless $29.99 work shoes that are made of vinyl and have a skid resistant sole. Any food or drink that drops onto them simply wipes right off with a wet paper towel. These Vans were made of canvas, so the first time any bit of food gets on them, it’s a permanent stain. And they were not good for my corn either. Yeah, that’s right. I have corn on my little toe and no amount of Dr. Scholl’s products will heal it. I have had it for so long that it’s practically a member of the family. Seriously, my corn will have a place at the table on Thanksgiving. Only on that day we won’t refer to it as “corn. In honor of Thanksgiving, we shall call it “maize.”

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