Did I Really Get To Say That On TV? (Yes, I Did.)

A few weeks ago, I did a segment on the TODAY show and got a lot of push back from readers who called me a “sellout” for some of the things I said and some people accused me of throwing servers under the bus. (Bitches, you all know that the menus are dirty so please don’t try to pretend they aren’t.) Well, this week, I appeared on Inside Edition and got to say some things that I bet all of you will fully support. In fact, when we were discussing what happens when a customer snaps at their server, I got to say my most favorite thing I have ever said on television. Before this interview, my favorite thing I’d ever said on TV was when Dr. Phil told me it was my job as a server to tell one customer that another customer was being disturbed by their crying child and I flat out told him “‘that’s not my job.”

Please take a moment to watch the interview on Inside Edition and let name know what your thoughts are. You can click here to see what other important information I passed on to our lovely customers. 

Today is “National Tell Off a Customer Day”

Break out the party hats and confetti, because today has been declared “National Tell Off a Customer Day.” For anyone in the service industry, it’s a day they have likely been dreaming of for a very long time. Retailers, waiters and waitresses, flight attendants, hairdressers and anyone else who deals with the public can get a free pass today and let a customer know how they really feel.

Michael Falso, chairman of the Workers Alliance of National Kindness (WANK) came up with the day about two years ago and it has finally been federally approved and nationally recognized. Says Falso, “as a service worker myself for many years, I always thought it would be great if we could just have one day to release the pressure and say whatever we want to a customer with no repercussions.” Along with his business partner, Theo F. Aik, the two men began the process of applying for National Tell Off a Customer Day. “I figured if there was a National Corn Dog Day (March 16) and National Answer the Phone Like Buddy the Elf Day (December 18), then why not a day where we can say whatever we want to customers?” added Aik. After submitting the required forms with the government, the day was approved: October 9, is National Tell Off a Customer Day.

Says the proclamation:

On this day, any service industry worker can choose one, and only one, customer and tell them exactly how they feel about them. That customer shall be required to listen to the feedback and accept it with a smile. Furthermore, there shall be no negative consequences from any owners, managers or bosses to any employee who chooses to exercise their right to tell off a customer on this day. Employees shall refrain from any using disparaging remarks that have to do with race, sexuality, or gender. However, insulting their age or physical appearance is perfectly acceptable. It is also acceptable if the employee chooses to yell their statement at the top of their lungs. If an employee has more than one job, they can choose one customer for each job as long as the “telling off” happens at the place of employment and on this nationally recognized day.

To learn more about this day click here. If you would like to submit a suggestion for your own National Day, click here. If you have an epic “telling off” that you recorded and would like to submit it to the national database of telling people off click here.

Server Nightmares

Server dreams. Waiter nightmares. Whatever you call them, we all get them. It can shake you from a deep sleep and you find yourself wrapped in your sheets, covered in sweat and wondering what happened to the order for Table 12 that you rang in, but the kitchen never got. I have one of these dreams at least once a week and from what I understand from other “lifers,” I will never stop having them.

So let’s be clear: waiting tables gives me fallen arches, varicose veins, an intense hatred of the human race and a guarantee of never-ending night sweats from dreaming about being in the weeds. That’s just great. And to make it even better, here it is in video form:

 

Woman Ignored at Applebee’s for 20 Minutes

What is one to do when seated in a restaurant and it appears that the staff has forgotten all about you? In the case of Sonyita when she went to Applebee’s, her decision was to wait for twenty minutes before asking another server if anyone was going to take care of them.

The server’s response: “Did you seat yourself?”

This exchange prompted Sonyita to post about it on Facebook which is an open invitation for me to jump right in and offer my 100% completely unsolicited advice.

Where to begin? I suppose I can try to defend the server, but I’ll be honest, it all depends on how she said it. There is a way to ask that question that makes it seem like you’re trying to get to the root of the problem and find a happy solution for the customer:

 

Or, that question can be said in such a way that implies the customer is a dumbass who ignored the proper restaurant protocol, therefore creating their own problem by seating themselves and keeping staff from knowing they are new customers:

 

My guess is that the server’s response was closer to the second version which would explain Sonyita’s disappointment. But here’s the thing. Did Sonyita really sit at the table for twenty minutes before approaching someone or was it more like seven minutes and it just felt like twenty because she was so hungry for some mozzarella sticks and Fiesta Lime Chicken? Twenty minutes is a really long time, like you can pretty much watch a whole episode of Schitt’s Creek in that amount of time. I can ride the 7 train from Queens to Times Square in less  time than that. Could it be that Sonyita possibly exaggerated that wait time in order to prove her point? And if she really did wait twenty minutes, why would anyone wait that long before taking matters into their own hands?

Attention customers: if you are ever seated in a restaurant and no one has approached your table or even recognized that you’re there within 4-5 minutes, go back to the person who seated you (assuming someone actually seated you…) and ask when someone will be at your table. Don’t wait for twenty minutes and then do it. All you’re doing is wasting your time, because if it really is twenty minutes, then it’s clear that there was a miscommunication and it just needs to be straightened out.

Attention servers: if a customer approaches you to see if someone is ever going to take care of them and you ask them if they seated themselves, try to ask them in a way that doesn’t make the customer want to go to Facebook and complain about it.

As for you Sonyita, I’m sure your Applebee’s gift card is on the way and next time, try not to exaggerate. (We all know that’s what you did there.)

Karin is Not Happy With Olive Garden

Life is hard and if your name is Karin, it’s even harder.

Case in point is this Facebook post from Karin who went to Olive Garden and was disappointed with her order of calamari, which was “tiny” and “overdone” and “heaven knows what.” (Spoiler alert, Karin: it’s squid.)

I am not here to disagree with Karin about the quality of her calamari, for I was not there when she ordered it. While she was settled into a booth surrounded by murals of Italian scenery and plastic grape vines, I was far, far away from any Olive Garden. For all we know, the calamari was overdone and tiny, which may or may not be what one expects from Olive Garden. What I am here to point out is that Karin is upset by the fact that she had to pay for a salad. Yes, that’s right. She had to actually PAY for something she wanted to eat and that’s a “rip off.” Can you believe the nerve of a restaurant expecting someone to pay for food they ordered?

Even though Karin realizes that she ordered an appetizer that doesn’t come with a salad, she is still distressed about having to pay $4.79 for one. I suppose an entree would have come with a salad, but Karin made the conscious decision to order something that specifically didn’t come with a salad, but she still feels the need to publicly air her grievances about it.

Karin, Karin, Karin… you are doing a wonderful job of upholding the expectations that all servers have about someone with your name. If you wanted something that came with a salad, then you have to order something that comes with a salad. Does that make sense? Let me make it more clear: if the menu says it doesn’t come with a salad IT. DOES. NOT. COME. WITH. A. SALAD. Your complaint is not valid. It is not a rip off. Besides, $4.79 is a pretty good deal for a salad. I went to East Hampton, New York two weeks ago and my jaw fell on the floor when I saw a side Caesar salad that cost $16.00. I didn’t order it, but If I had, I certainly wouldn’t have gone to the the restaurant’s Facebook page to call it a rip off. Yes, it was a rip off, but I made the decision to not order it. You did make the decision to order it. So, rip off or not, it was your call. That’s on you.

As for the less than ideal calamari, maybe Olive Garden will see your complaint and send you a gift card. In fact, I’m sure they will so I want to give you some advice for when you use it: please tip on the full amount and not just what you pay for. In other words, if they send you a $20 gift card and your bill is $25, you should tip a total of five bucks. With your name being Karin, I’m sure your inclination is to only tip on the five dollars you spent, but if you leave your server one dollar, all you’re going to do is solidify the fiery hatred that 99% of servers have for women with your name.

Don’t be a Karen, Karin.

Chuck E. Cheese Manager Obliterates Customer

This image has been floating around on the Internet for a few days, but I kept not reading it because the text was so small. After about the 100th person tagged me, I figured it must be worth the read. And boy oh boy, was it ever worth it. I have taken the liberty to type it out so that anyone else out there with the eyesight of a half-blind mole can enjoy the complete and utter savagery of a Chuck E. Cheese employee when he let it all out on a woman made Norma. I do not know you, Cary Palmerr, but you are my hero. I bow down to you with the greatest of respect.

Here is the text of the review that the customer wrote that explains exactly what this manager did. It is glorious.

Visited xxxxxxx. I asked for a deal that I had a coupon for. The rude little girl told me that she would not honor my coupon. I spend a lot of money at Chuck E. Cheese’s and a guest should never be told no. I asked to speak to the manager immediately. A disheveled blonde man with a coffee mug came up to me and asked what the problem was. I had assumed he knew his role well enough to honor the coupon as any manager should. I told him and said “I know you will honor this.” He said “No, I don’t think I will.” When I told him I spend a lot of money here and it was my kid’s birthday he said “Listen Karen. This is a Chuck E. Cheese. I can’t throw a rock without hitting three people who’s birthday it is.” This disgusted me. My name is Norma. He was totally ignorant, rude, and condescending. I demanded to speak to the highest management staff member of this store. He had the nerve to spin in a circle and ask me “How can I help you?” I demanded the corporate phone number. He was obviously trying to entertain the young girl cashier who was giggling the entire time. Completely unprofessional and rude. Worst customer service I have ever seen in a restaurant in my entire life. He gave me a card with the district corporate number on it and I told him I would not be returning to this store and I would tell my friends not to come here either. He told me to have “a chuck e day” which was very obviously spiteful. I was furious and appalled. He is a smug jerk. After, I went to my car to cool off and called the number on the card. The corporate employee answered and said “Hello again Karen how have you been?” IT WAS THE SAME JACK*** INSIDE THE STORE. MY NAME IS NORMA.

This man needs to be fired. I am writing a letter to corporate. I will never step foot in another chuck e cheese again for the rest of my life and will be telling friends and family to do the same.