Ketchup gets married and so do gay people.
This post marks the 1000th posting on this tired old blog and I wanted it to be about something meaningful. It’s hard for me to believe I have sat down 1000 different times and hit submit after typing out some random words that I hoped people would read and find amusing, entertaining or at least thought-provoking. I didn’t know what I was going to write about today but then I heard on the news that the (Taco*) Supreme Court struck down Proposition 8 and the Defense of Marriage Act. I know what to write about now. Several months ago, I wrote about this subject but I have to repost it and update that article because it is too monumental a subject to pass up. And this being my 1000th posting, it seems apropos to be a little bit more personal today.
If you are on Facebook, you can’t help but notice how many people have changed their profile photos to some version of the equality sign so I had to get in on the act and make one that I feel represents my food service industry history. Since so many of us are constantly marrying ketchups, why not let two squeeze bottles be our equality sign?
On April 2nd, 2013, I celebrated my one year wedding anniversary with my husband. One year of marriage may not seem all that impressive, but April 2nd was actually our 22nd anniversary of being together. We spent the first twenty years or so waiting for people to realize that our relationship does not affect anyone else’s and thankfully, New York State came to that realization in July of 2011. I think a lot of people don’t fully understand how same-sex marriage is absolutely non-threatening to the rest of the world. Maybe if I put it it in terms of food, it will make more sense.
If you go into a restaurant and look at the menu and see something that you would never consider ordering you simply order something else. If you don’t want to eat quinoa you order the mashed potatoes instead. What you don’t do is scour the restaurant to see if anyone else ordered quinoa so you can tell them how much you hate it. You don’t make a cardboard sign that says “God Hates Quinoa” and picket their table. If they order quinoa and it sits on their plate and their plate alone, how will that affect your plate of mashed potatoes? I can’t think of any way that it would. Therefore, you simply eat your mashed potatoes and they eat their quinoa and both of you enjoy your dinner. Same-sex marriage is the same thing.
If you are a raw vegan and only eat cold zucchini lasagna with almond cheese that is your decision. Personally, I don’t understand it but that does not mean that I think all raw vegan restaurants that serve cold zucchini lasagna with almond cheese should be shut down. I just make a conscious decision to eat elsewhere. Just like that person is not going to go to my favorite bar-b-q place and order brisket with mac and cheese. Vegans and carnivores can live happily amongst each other and they just agree to disagree. Same-sex marriage is the same thing.
Maybe someone thinks same-sex marriage is wrong because it’s unfamiliar to them and therefore scary. It’s like me and seafood. I didn’t grow up eating seafood of any kind and as an adult, I still hated it. What I eventually realized was that when I said “I hate seafood,” what I meant to say was “I am unfamiliar with seafood.” Gradually, I tried it and now there is some seafood that I like. No, I don’t expect straight people to dabble in the world of homosexuality to see if they like it. I just expect people to open up their horizons a little bit and be willing to see if it’s something they can live with instead of hate. When I first tried shrimp, I tolerated it and now I like it. Is it my favorite thing to eat? No, but I don’t shudder at the thought of a plate of shrimp as I did when I refused to consider the possibility that shrimp can be very good and it is not threatening. Same-sex marriage is the same thing.
Lots of people are against same-sex marriage because they think the Bible says it’s wrong. I know that Leviticus 18:22 says, “Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.” But what about Leviticus 11:7-8? It says, “And the pig, because it parts the hoof and is cloven-footed but does not chew the cud, is unclean to you. You shall not eat any of their flesh, and you shall not touch their carcasses; they are unclean to you.” Have another bacon cheeseburger and consider that maybe every line of the Bible isn’t exactly correct.
I know that in time, this country as a whole will recognize same sex marriage as a right. It’s happening and honestly, it’s happening faster than I ever expected it to. Forty years from now, it will seem silly that there was a time when so many people were against it. I am happy that the Supreme Court made the right decision. Marriage is something that everyone should have a right to; gay, straight or even that drunk couple who met at a casino in Vegas and got married by an Elvis impersonator two hours later. Seriously, they have a right to get married and people who have been together for thirty years and raised children together don’t? It makes no sense.
Remember this: same-sex marriage is just like letting someone at the next table order quinoa when you order mashed potatoes. A starch is a starch and a marriage is a marriage. They’re just different.
I hope you will share this post. It would mean a lot to me if you did and you can consider it a celebration gift to me, my husband, Mark and to every other same-sex couple who is just trying to live their lives, happily ever after.
* I can’t ever use the word “supreme” without thinking of Taco Bell.
Steph
I stumbled across your blog because I love reading about people and how people in the service industry deal w their jobs. I find people in general entertaining and though I haven’t been a waiter, I’ve worked plenty of customer service basic kinda jobs.
Anyways, happy anniversary! My brother just got married a few months ago (to a guy) and we had to go out of state; I just found out that my uncle and his partner are getting married this summer in CA after decades together and I am so happy for them.
Honestly, one of my strongest childhood memories is of talking about gay people w my mom & not understanding any how anything is wrong w it.
When the DOMA/Supreme Court decisions came thru, I was texting my new brother-in-law & to my surprise breaks disappointed more wasn’t done.
I told him one thing that helps when I feel frustrated is knowing that no matter the setbacks, society is moving forward. Change IS coming.
Sorry for the novel, this subject gets me going!
Atli Steinn Gudmundsson
Congrats with #1000, I sincerely admire your perseverance and undying loyalty to your readers. Best regards on the wedding anniversary also, in fact mine was yesterday (one year as well).
aj
any two loving adults who can make that decision should be able to be married. i think gay people should be able to have nagging inlaws, have to whip up side dishes at the last minute for office parties that they were just told about, and all other joys straight married folk have had for years. and if you can still love eachother after all that then you really know what marriage is. quinoa and potatoes aside, i still believe jesus hates ranch dressing.
Robyn
Awesome post BW! Congrats to you and Mark on your anniversary.
Kristin
Sharing it, bitchy. This is an amazing post. Well-stated, clear and eloquent. You rock.
Dana
The perfect metaphor. Many congrats on your anniversary!
And I ADORE quinoa…but am partial to mashed potatoes as well. Does that say something strange about me?:)
Hopefully soon we as a species will be left wondering why it took some of us so darn long to come to our senses, and this fight for human rights will be old news.
Snarkula
A lot of appropriate, sober and well-reasoned commentary hit the airwaves today in the wake of the recent (taco) supreme court decision striking down Prop 8 and the Defense of Marriage Act. Here in California, where the Forces of Blather pulled out all the stops to get Prop 8 passed, great rejoicing was the order of the day. But your post is the most heartfelt and kind of all. I am so glad to be a member of the same species as you, Bitchy. God Bless you and Mark and may you both enjoy many more Happy Anniversaries.
Janki
You are so right about this! It really gets me how some people who are the furthest from being Christ-like are always the ones who will quote some random passage of Deuteronomy regarding homosexuality.
I grew up in SF, so I was always surrounded by Quinoa-loving people and never thought it was odd. I am a mashed potatoes gal, but do admit that quinoa looks great! 🙂
My personal question for the day (since I now live in Texas and we barely defeated SB5 that strikes down any rights for women’s health) is why is it that people who always bark about “no government” are the ones that want government in everyone’s bedroom/uterus/backbrace?
What will these people do if their sons/daughters come to them and say that they love Quinoa?
On a restaurant side note, I went to a BBQ place with 4 families and 12 kids. It was pure chaos! I politely asked for waters for me and my kids, ordered a simple $5 dessert and left a $10. I was inspired by you. I didn’t have much to spend and decided that it was better for me to order less than skimp on the tip!
felicia
You are brilliant!
anne marie in philly
happy belated anniversary! I AM SO HAPPY FOR ALL MY BOYFRIENDS!
Thwapper
This was a great post! A wonderful way to get your point across and ring in your 1,000th post! Congrats! I will certainly share this. Happy belated anniversary to you and your husband!
Debbie Morella-Haynes
Beautiful post! Happy Anniversary to you both!
Chilihead
DOWN WITH QUINOA!!!!! *rage face, table flip*
No really, I totally agree with you Bitchy and I am very happy for your husband and you. I cannot wait for it to be legal in Missouri for my boyfriend and I to get married. 🙂
Bloomingpink
Beautiful! Well done!
Oh, and Happy 1000th!
Louis Wing
Always nice to see some social commentary from someone who is usually peppering us with Hot Tea and other hospitality jabs. [not that I don’t see the humor in all that…]
I agree that Quinoa and mashed yukon gold are two different starches, and nothing more. The people who complain… well, they’re a dying breed (fuqum!).
My kids are mixed and they don’t care about any of this stuff, and they’ll vote accordingly when they’re of age (right now they’re 3 and 5 respectively).
That said though – Neither of them will eat Quinoa…and I don’t either.
Nathan Partyka
Great post mate, Happy 1000th post!
Chelsea
Beautiful written, Bitchy. Congratulations, enjoy your day. 🙂
dani
Beautiful post and happy 1 (or 23) years!! So happy for you and so many others! Sadly thought this is just one milestone… while the (taco) supreme court did rule today, they made no ruling on prop 8 or subject 2 of DOMA…not that it won’t happen but as of yet, our oh high and mighty supreme court justices are still not yet ready to make a ruling on the definition of “marriage”….sigh! I firmly believe o YETur society will get there, we just aren’t there YET!! BUT it is a great!!! step! Congrats again!
dani
I adjust…they *did* make a ruling, but not one that is extremely firm if there is a standing on prop 8 or section 2
digressions
Beautiful post. Happy Anniversary!