In my continuing quest to have reviewers remove their stupid 1-star Yelp reviews one by one, today we look to Vilma who is quite upset that she did not get enough sweet potato tots when she ate at Rehab Burger Therapy in Tempe, Arizona. We all know how very important it is to to have a plate of overflowing tots, but Vilma’s plate only had nine of them. Nine tots, people! How can the world continue spinning on its axis when some one as deserving as Vilma only gets nine freaking sweet potato tots onto her plate? According to Vilma’s review, she was “pissed off.” She didn’t notice this travesty until she went to the restroom and saw other customers practically swimming in tots. And then her daughter went to the restroom and noticed the same thing. What do these two women do when they walk to the restroom? Do they stare at every table as they walk to the toilet, counting the number of tater tots on the plates of other customers? Yes, apparently. Vilma did not say anything at the restaurant because she does not “have time to get upset over tater tots.” She does, however, have time to create a Yelp account and write her first review ever.
Vilma, here’s the deal: if you are in dire need of additional sweet potato tots and feel that you have been given short shrift on what you deserve when it comes to carbs, no amount of bad reviews is going to change that. You know what would have changed it? Words. Words that you formed with your own vocal chords and then directed to your server who was in charge of sweet potato tot inventory. It would go something like this:
Vilma: Excuse me, waiter? I can’t help but notice that everyone else has more sweet potato tots than I do. Would it be possible for me to have a few more please?
Waiter: Of course, let me take care of that for you, ma’am. My apologies. I did notice that when you and your daughter were each walking to the restroom that you were both scoping everyone’s plates out. Weird that you had an abacus in your purse so you can keep track of sweet potato tots, but whatever, right? I mean, we all love tots! So it looks like you have nine of them. How many more would you like? Table 12 over there had fourteen tots, so maybe I should bring you five more. But, wait, Table 21 only had eight, so you kinda owe us one. Then again. Table 23 was overflowing with them, so…
Daughter: See? I told you I saw someone overflowing with sweet potato tots!
Vilma: I would like to overflow with sweet potato tots as well. Can you just bring me a whole lot more? Like a lot of them?
Waiter: Oh, I wish I could, really I do. Nothing would give me greater joy than strapping a feeding bag onto your head and watching you inhale three dozen sweet potato tots, but we just used our last feeding bag at Table 28 for the man who needed extra Ranch dressing. Would you mind if I put 36 tots into the blender and then poured them down a funnel that I shove down your throat.
Vilma: That would be fine, thank you so much.
Daughter: No fair! I want a funnel shoved down my throat!
Waiter: I can arrange for something to be shoved down your throat too. Give me one minute.
You see, Vilma? All you had to do was ask. Going home to Yelp and leaving a bad review isn’t going to help you get an unhealthy amount of sweet potato tots into your gut. Next time, rather than using your time to leave a 1-star review, why not just ask the server if they can help you? You’ll be glad you did.