This Restaurant Needs Our Help on Yelp!

It has come to my attention that a restaurant needs our help after needlessly being bashed on Yelp with undeserving 1-star reviews. Since Yelp is a big pile of steaming snail feces, I figure we should fight fire with fire and all of us band together to defend this restaurant from a group of entitled unhappy patrons who need to get the fuck over themselves.

The short story as told to me from an inside source who shall remain nameless:

A group of 21 people made a reservation and wanted the private room which is an additional $2500. Because the group of cheap asses were on a budget, the restaurant graciously waived the fee and offered to create a special menu just for them. While they eagerly took the free room, the refused the special menu wanting to order ala cart from the regular menu. Even though the restaurant told them that ordering from the entire menu could slow down the kitchen and make their party wait longer for the food, the group insisted. Again, the restaurant obliged. Well, it was a busier night than usual for the restaurant and the group thought their food was taking too long and demanded a discount. Don’t forget, they already had the private room for free. The restaurant presented them with the bill, sans discount, for $1800 plus 20% gratuity. The party had enjoyed 50 hand-crafted cocktails, ten bottles of wine, apps, salads and entrees all within two hours. But they threatened that if they didn’t get a discount for being so inconvenienced by waiting, they would all post negative reviews onto the Yelp page of the restaurant. The restaurant refused to be blackmailed and the assholes followed through on their threat with several 1-star reviews popping up the next day.

So…I say we all go to the Yelp page and add our own 5-star reviews to counteract those asshole blackmailers. If Yelp can allow people to post bullshit bad reviews then they have to accept that people can post bullshit good ones as well. There was no reason for these people to trash this restaurant just because they didn’t get free food. I want to use this blog to stand up to those losers and help that restaurant regain their rightful Yelp status. CLICK HERE to go to the Yelp page of Funky Monkey Wine Company and give them the 5-star review they deserve for putting up with this bunch of assclowns. I can’t wait to see how many of you are ready to come to the need of a fellow restaurant staff and put up the good fight against customers who think they should get more then they deserve.

Fuck Yelp.

My Three Days in Facebook Jail

After three long and torturous days away from Facebook, I have my voice again. On Monday at 4:00 PM, I received an email from Facebook telling me that I had been a naughty boy: I shared a video that I did not have the rights to and the owner of said video did not like it and I was punished by having my account completely blocked for 72hours. Not only was I disallowed from posting or sharing as Bitchy Waiter, my own personal page was also blocked. I could not post, respond to messages or even click the like button. I felt like Ariel in The Little Mermaid when Ursula reaches into her throat and with her slimy, smokey, sea witchy hands and pulls out her voice box. I had been silenced.

The video in question was one that went up last week of a woman who was at Taco Bell trying to order french fries thinking she was in a Burger King. I shared the video after downloading it. I could have shared it from the page it was on, but I thought it would do better if I shared it directly from my own page. “Besides,” I thought. “It’s just a shaky ass cell phone video that someone posted onto YouTube. It’s not like it’s a highly produced Merchant Ivory period piece.” So I shared it.

When I got the notice that the video was being removed, I was totally fine with that. After all, it had been up for almost a week and I had forgotten all about it. But to learn that I had been blocked from Facebook for three days seemed a bit much. I immediately replied to the email, apologizing for the indiscretion and asked for them to reconsider the 36 hour jail time. No response. I wasn’t even allowed to use their stupid Facebook Messenger which they practically force us to use on our phones. Also, I went to see Hello, Dolly on Broadway Tuesday night and I wasn’t allowed to check in or post a photo of the Playbill. The horror! Three days of jail for sharing a video I “don’t have the rights to” is harsh punishment when you think of all the accusations that Facebook is dealing with when it comes to Russian meddling and the sharing of biased news items to sway the opinions of voters in the 2016 election. But, yeah, the video of the drunk girl at Taco Bell is the real issue, Facebook.

After 24 hours of being in Facebook jail, the one and only admin for the page realized he was still allowed to post. And by the way, the admin is not my husband as so many people assumed. Mark couldn’t give a rat’s ass about being the admin for the Bitchy Waiter page and would rather have a root canal than hear much about anything Bitchy Waiter related. The admin is my friend Ron who I have known since 1985 and trust completely. He posted a poll about sever super powers just to see if it would be allowed and it was. I then asked him to post about me being in a “time out” so that the followers of the page would understand the radio silence. That was on Tuesday evening and nothing else has gone up until now.

So, I’m back and have learned a valuable lesson: some people are going to report you to Facebook if you share something and it gets more of a response than it got when they originally posted it because they are jealous haters.

When I posted the video about he Applebee’s margarita, it got over 15 million views and countless shares. I saw that video everywhere: Twitter, People magazine, news outlets and all over Facebook. Some of them shared it from my page and some of them downloaded and shared it on their own. Did I report it? No, I didn’t because I knew it was just a shaky ass cell phone video that didn’t really have ownership other than by the person who originally sent it to me (and whose name will be a secret now and forever).

I will continue to do my best to bring laughter to those of us in the food and beverage industry. I will also try to shine a light on things wrong with our industry and make every effort to walk the thin line between brutal honesty and offensiveness. Facebook has been a great opportunity for me and I don’t want to bite the hand that feeds me. However, they also have allowed me to amass almost 650K followers on my page, but only let my posts reach a fraction of them unless I am willing to pay. I will not do that. I don’t pay to boost posts and I don’t pay for new followers. I try to post interesting content that will grow the following organically and if Facebook wants to punish me for that, fine. I’m ready. (I will also take this opportunity to publicly apologize for the three Diply posts each week. I know a lot of you hate them, but I deserve to make a little bit of money on this crazy thing called Bitchy Waiter. You don’t have to click them, but I wish you would.)

Okay. Time to keep on bitching.

Another Stupid 1-Star Yelp Review

Ladies and gentleman, let me introduce you to Chris B. He lives in Tarpon Springs, Florida, but he might be better off moving down the road to Tampon Springs, because he’s pretty much a douche. (I realize that tampons and douches aren’t the same thing, but it’s early in the morning and I’m writing this before I go to work…) Chris just left a review on Yelp and it’s full of self-satisfaction, ego-stroking and a bit of verbal masturbation.

It seems Chris ordered a drink and his buddy accidentally knocked it over. I like how he uses the word “buddy” instead of “friend” to make it very clear they are not in any kind of romantic relationship. He may as well have said “no homo.” Anyway, they ordered food and ate it which is pretty much what one is expected to do while in a restaurant. After they ate, the manger told them they were not allowed to have another drink. We don’t know why, but maybe it was because the manager thought they had already had too much to drink. Or maybe they had done something else that prevented the manager from wanting them to stay any longer. Maybe the smell of Axe Body Spray was filling her lungs to the point of asphyxiation and she just needed them to get the fuck out as soon as possible. Whatever the reason, she made the call.

Chris did not like that decision, so he created a Yelp account in order to write his first and only Yelp review. While Chris is certainly entitled to leave his opinion of the restaurant on the Internet, it’s a stupid review. Chris is probably used to leaving things around that nobody wants; farts that smell like broccoli and tuna or deuces into toilets that don’t get flushed. My problem with his review is how he starts it:

“Okay, first of all, I’m an engineer, with a college degree.”

Okay, that has absolutely no bearing on the review. Anyone with half a brain and Internet access can leave a review on Yelp, so it’s not like being a college graduate with a degree in engineering means your review is any more special than the review of someone else, Chris. No one gives a shit about your educational history. You may as well have said, “I’m a Gemini who likes long walks on the beach and here’s my review” or “I once pulled an enormous amount of wax out of my ear and here’s my review.” It has no bearing on anything and the only reason you wrote that is to make yourself feel superior.

He advises people to “stay away from this place” and then throws in one more dig at the manager:

“(she) was probably 22 year old. I’d like to see her college degree, and treat me like that.”

Look, asshole. Why do you need to see her college degree? Oh, wait, it’s because you assume she doesn’t have one because how could someone who works in a restaurant actually be smart enough to go to college, let alone graduate, is that it? Maybe her degree is in hotel and restaurant management. Or maybe she has a BA in theater like I do. Or maybe her degree is in engineering but she decided she didn’t want to work with a bunch of asshole like you. It‘s pretty fucking presumptuous of you to insinuate that she doesn’t have a college degree. There are lots and lots of people in the restaurant industry who do have college degrees. And you know what? Even if she doesn’t have a degree, it doesn’t mean that you are better than she is, so get off your high horse of engineering, roll your degree up into a tube, slather it with some oleo and go fuck yourself with it, Chris. Maybe if you and your “buddy” could manage to make it through a meal without needing a sippy cup, managers at restaurants might be more willing to let you have a second drink. Grow the fuck up. Good luck with your second Yelp review. I can’t wait to read it.

Here is the full review for everyone to all go read. I bet if enough of it flag as abusive, it will get taken down and Chris will have to go back to his big fancy engineering office and figure out another way to try to impress people.

Read Chris B.‘s review of Cody’s Original Roadhouse on Yelp

Parents Upset About “Kids Tax” at Restaurant

A diner in in New Jersey is adding an automatic gratuity, or “kids tax” onto checks when minors come into the restaurant without their parents and some people are not happy about. I am fucking living for it.

The story in bullet points:

  • Wayne Hills Diner says that a lot of kids hang out there in large groups after school, and the servers were consistently getting screwed.
  • The menu clearly states that an 18% gratuity can be added at their discretion.
  • A mom named Melissa Desch got all upset when her daughter Isabella was charged a gratuity for her milkshake and fries.
  • Mom calls the news to complain.
  • Restaurant is all, “deal with it.”

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Servers in New Jersey make $2.13 an hour so if a bunch of middle-schoolers like Isabella want to sit in a booth for three hours and share two orders of fries, a milkshake and four glasses of water as they Snapchat each other, that server needs to get some money. We all know kids that age don’t leave shit for tips. All they leave is a pile of sugar packets that have been ripped open, a bunch of salt and ketchup all over the place and the smell of puberty.

Mom doesn’t think it’s fair. “I’ve been going there since I was a child. But with them (the kids) they don’t understand and they just pay the bill. And you know, she doesn’t understand that she has a right to not pay a tip.” Ummm, Mom. You just proved the point of why they are adding the gratuity. If they don’t know how to tip and your cheap ass isn’t going to teach them, then it’s up to the restaurant owner to make sure his staff is being taken care of. The mother has also stated that her daughter won’t be going back to the diner, which I’m sure is going to make Isabella so very happy.

“But, Mom! All my friends go to Wayne Hills Diner after school!”

“So what? If you’re friends all jumped off a cliff would you do that too?”

“No, Mom, because I’m not a dumbass like you. I just want to be social with the people I like and if I have to pay ninety cents more to do so, I’m okay with it. Besides, don’t those servers deserve to get paid for the job they do?”

“That’s not the point, Isabella! You’ll go to McDonald’s where you don’t have to leave a tip. Or find another diner that doesn’t add the tip so you can stiff them.”

“But Mom! All of my friends go to this diner!”

“So you’ll make new friends, what’s the big deal?”

Yeah, Mom. Way to teach your daughter how to get through life: when something happens that you don’t think is fair, call the news to complain about it and then alienate your daughter from all of her friends just so you can keep on being stingy. That’s gonna work out great.

Way to go, Peter Logos and Wayne Hills Diner! I support you and so does every server in this country who has dealt with a group of rowdy pre-pubescent children who took up a whole section of a restaurant for far too long and didn’t leave near enough of a tip.

And to Mom Desch I say this: give your daughter an extra dollar in her allowance so she can go to the diner with her friends after school on Friday. Get the fuck over it.

Why Must Servers Pay the Credit Card Fees?

Can we talk about credit card fees and how so many restaurants are making their servers pay them? For those of you not in the know, every time a customer uses a credit card, there is a fee attached to the transaction that the business is responsible for. The fees vary from card to card. American Express has the highest fee which is why so many small businesses don’t accept that card. For decades, the fee was an assumed cost to the business, but things are changing. In more and more restaurants, it is becoming common for the business to pass those fees onto the server. To that I say:

 

Why the hell is this legal? It doesn’t happen in any other business. If I use my credit card to buy some new, ugly-ass work shoes at Payless, we all know that the person at the cash register isn’t going to pay the credit card processing fee, Payless will. So why has it become acceptable that servers are responsible for that cost? It’s straight up bullshit and yet another way the restaurant industry takes advantage of us servers. Is it not enough that most of us don’t get overtime or holiday pay? Aren’t we screwed enough when we work eight hours straight and the only break we get is if we ask someone to watch our section so we can sneak into the bathroom for five minutes? And it’s shitty enough that most of us are denied health care because our employers won’t give us enough hours to make us eligible for it. But we have to pay the restaurant for the luxury of letting their customers pay with credit cards? Bullshit.

This doesn’t happen to all servers, but to a lot of them. Every week, I get at least two or three messages from someone asking me if it’s legal and I always have to give them the sad news that it is. The fee is probably about 3% of just the tip, but that adds up. If you make $400 in credit card tips each week, that ends up being $48 a month. Until the restaurant is going to let us tell the customer we’d prefer cash tips, we shouldn’t have to pay the fee. Any restaurant that makes their servers pay every time a customer uses a credit card is carelessly tossing one more straw onto the proverbial camel’s back and sooner or later that back is going to break like a rickety tray stand with too many dishes on it. How can we make change? Who do we know that is willing to stand up for the rights of those of us in the restaurant industry?

Well, my first thought was me, but I don’t have any connections with lawmakers and let’s be honest, I’m pretty immature and what lawmaker is going to want to talk to someone who smells like cheap tequila and is wearing a t-shirt that says “Internet Troll Prick” on it? And then I thought about Restaurant Opportunities Centers United. Their website states:

The mission of the Restaurant Opportunities Centers (ROC) United is to ensure that all people who work in restaurants can achieve financial independence and improve their quality of life.

Well, I know a lot of servers who might have a better chance at financial independence if they weren’t paying the credit card processing fees for the places they work, so maybe ROCUnited can help. If you are paying the fees on credit cards, or if you just think that it shouldn’t be the server’s responsibility, maybe send them an email and see if this is a cause they are willing to get behind? It certainly can’t hurt and I’m sure they’d love to hear from servers from all over the country.

Click here if you want to send them an email. (Just remember, we are asking them for help. They are on our side.)

It just seems completely unfair and so out of the question that any server would be responsible for that cost, yet here we are. So many of us see that deduction each week on our already ridiculously low paycheck. It’s not right and I don’t like it. Do you?

Is Applebee’s Ignoring This Former Employee’s Claims of Sexual Harassment?

This blog gives me a pretty loud voice and every once in a while, I like to use that voice to get attention for something that may be overlooked. Such is the case with a former Applebee’s employee who posted something onto Applebee’s Facebook page that went completely unnoticed and unanswered. Odd, considering that when a customer complains about the portion size of their soup or about how the crunchy shrimp wasn’t good enough, Applebee’s quickly replies in order to keep that customer from crossing the mall parking lot to go to Chili’s instead. However, when an employee complains about being sexually harassed by a cook and then being verbally assaulted by a manager, that comment goes completely unnoticed.

Enter my loud fucking voice.

On November 3, Tricia posted on Applebee’s Facebook page explaining how and why she quit the Wichita, Kansas Applebee’s on 320 South Ridge Road. She says she was made fun of on a daily basis, had a cook tell her she had nice breasts and she explains how when she decided to quit on the spot, the manager John called her names and yelled at her. She was “terrified and humiliated.” It seems that her efforts to speak to corporate about the situation are hitting brick walls and no one will respond to her.

Is this alright with anyone who is reading this? It can’t be. How can Applebee’s be so quick to apologize to someone on Facebook about not having the Riblets, yet completely ignore a very real and serious complaint from a former employee? Now, I realize that plenty of people are going to blast me for posting this and say things like, “How do you know she’s even telling the truth?” or “Maybe she was being too sensitive.” The fact of the matter is that Tricia felt terrified and humiliated and that is her reality. If she was willing to post her story on Facebook, why wouldn’t it be true? Why would anyone think it’s anything but true? Because she’s a woman? If a man had made a comment like that, would people still question its validity?

Before you answer, think about this that my friend Jenn Dodd wrote on Facebook:

16 woman accused Donald Trump of sexual misconduct. He’s POTUS.

Almost 50 accused Bill Cosby and it took Hannibel Burress (a man) bringing it up for people to actually listen.

OVER 80 WOMEN have accused Harvey Weinstein of sexual misconduct. These allegations go back to the 70’s and they’re just now being taken seriously.

**1** MAN accuses Kevin Spacey of assault? Everyone believes him immediately without question, Spacey is duly punished, and his career is over.

So, I choose to believe that this woman was made uncomfortable at her job and I would like to see Applebee’s fucking respond to it. If they can send a freaking gift card to someone because they didn’t get enough Tomato Basil soup in their to-go cup, then they can sure as hell apologize to a former employee who felt threatened enough at her job to quit. Step it up, Applebee’s. Do better. At least reach out to this woman and make amends. Talk to Manager John and get his side of the story. Do something. Don’t just pretend you didn’t see it on your Facebook page and think it will eventually go away because as long as I have this blog, I am going to stand up for servers who are mistreated in the restaurant industry. And to me, it sounds like Tricia was mistreated and it just happened to be at your restaurant. I hope everyone who reads this feels the same way I do.

Applebee’s, the ball’s in your court.