Man Arrested for Masturbating at Applebee’s

Man arrested for watching porn at Applebee’s

Some people go to Applebee’s for a high quality, craft cocktail that only costs a dollar. Others go to enjoy a bowl of chicken, bacon mac and cheese served fresh and steaming from the microwave. And then there’s Timothy Dugan of Thomasville, Georgia who goes to Applebee’s to spank his monkey.

For reasons unknown to anyone, Timothy thought that it was a good idea to watch some porn on his cell phone while waiting for his quesadilla burger. Maybe the signature Mexi-ranch sauce that comes with the burger wasn’t enough for Timothy so he pulled out the ol’ trouser snake and went to work on making his own signature sauce. As luck would have it, employees and customers got wind of what was going on at Table 207 and Timothy was asked to leave. Police were called and the horndog was found nearby hiding in a bush, presumably not his own. He was charged with with indecent exposure and child molestation.

I have so many questions:

• Does Timothy just get turned on by the thought of choking the chicken while eating chicken wonton tacos?
• Did he recently watch that movie  “American Pie” and decide he wanted to fuck the Sizzlin’ Caramel Apple Blondie?
• In what other restaurants has he tickled his pickle? Does he beat his meat at Outback Steakhouse?
• How much did the server have to tip out the busser to clean that table?

As shocking as this is, at least is wasn’t as bad as when a porno showed on the big screen at an Applebee’s a few years ago. Now, that was offensive and it certainly upset a woman named Francine:

Good luck, Timothy. And the next time you want to brew some baby gravy, do that at home. You can always get your food to go, you know.