Cinco de Mayo is almost upon us and anyone who works in a Mexican restaurant is preparing themselves for one of the biggest shit shows of the year. May 5th is a commemoration of the victory of Mexico’s army over the French Empire at the Battle of Puebla, but most Americans think of it as Mexican Independence Day and a reason to get trashed on margaritas.
I asked Twitter to tell me a few things that would definitely, 100%, for sure happen in every Mexican restaurant on that day and the people had answers:
Some Gringo will salute Mexican Independence Day. Which is in September.
— singularly me (@kjmparis) May 2, 2019
Basic Becky will want to know why there isn’t complimentary chips and salsa, why the salsa is too hot, why the tacos cost so much compared to Taco Bell and why the song “Macarena” isn’t on the jukebox.
— Gordon M Smith (@GoMeSmith) May 2, 2019
Karen will say her Margarita isnt strong enough and will need to speak with the manager, immediately.
— Donna (@belladonnarose) May 2, 2019
— YogaPantsW/Dickholes (@YogapantswD) May 3, 2019
someone will drop a full margarita out of pure clumsiness onto the floor and the stickiness will be too much to bear. Did you really get it off the floor? Check your shoes, I’m sure they’re clomp-clomping with the residue!
— Skarlet Karson (@IdesKat315) May 2, 2019
Someone will be allergic to cilantro and onions.
— LP (@lisaisalive) May 2, 2019
. ..or Bitchy Betty wanting Glutten free, customized menu, not offered in a Mexican restaurant.
— Cherenee (@Cherenee64) May 2, 2019
Staff will be injecting tequila into their eyeballs….
— Ceri Booth #FBPE 🦄🏳️🌈❤️😁🍺🏴 (@ceribooth) May 2, 2019
A white dad (mine) will try to speak Spanish
— Jill Romick (@j_romick) May 3, 2019
some mid 40’s white lady will get sloppy drunk on bad margaritas and cause an embarrassing scene
— The Boy Who Died (@HairyPotter79) May 2, 2019
Ignorant white people who celebrate a Mexican holiday but who also bitch about ‘illegals’ and how we need walls.😒
— Philomathic Squirrel w/ Chicken Nuggs in Her Head (@Squirrelbeer23) May 2, 2019
Drunk white girls shooting tequila shouting “I’m Mexican, bitch!!!”
— Sean M. Purcell (@dad2kyliekellan) May 3, 2019
People pronouncing pico de Gallo about 50 different ways.
— Susie (@susieswaggy) May 2, 2019
No toilet paper….anywhere.
— Napping Now (@CanITakeANap) May 2, 2019