I Want Banks to Send THIS Text Alert

Okay, okay, I fucked up and you guys let me know it. A few days ago, I reached into the bottom of the barrel and wrote a post about a text alert that a bank sent out when a restaurant tip seemed overly generous. I complained that it wasn’t the bank’s business if someone wanted to leave a 37% tip and they should kindly take their text alert and shove it up their safety deposit box. Plenty of people shared stories about unscrupulous servers who might write in their own generous tips after a customer left. Others mentioned how a server could have made a mistake and accidentally entered the wrong amount. The bank was doing what they thought best to protect their client’s money. Most people thought the bank was doing the right thing and most people thought I was more wrong than an order of guacamole that was made mayonnaise.

I was wrong and I can admit that. It’s not easy for me to say this, you know that, right? The bank was just trying to be a good financial institution and I apologize to all banks, for they are truly wonderful and have never and will never do anything except care about their customers. (Just typing that almost made the margaritas I had last night come back up.)

But then, still trying to figure out what I could write about, I had an epiphany.
So maybe it was wrong of me to come down on the bank for someone overtipping a server, but how great would it be if they sent an alert for leaving a bad tip? Think about it! Any time someone left a dark, greasy, skidmark of a tip on a credit card, the bank could send a text alert that said:

Hey, asshole. We noticed you gave an extra shitty tip on April 27, 2017, for your service at ___________ Restaurant.

We hope you left this tip by accident because that’s not even 10%, dick. If it’s not a mistake, you suck and there’s nothing more to do except think about how much servers hate you.

You can contact ____________ Restaurant directly if you need to fix this shit.

Now this is a text alert from a bank that I can fully support and I bet all of you will as well. Again, sorry I screwed up the last post. I could blame it on the tequila, but tequila is my friend and I would never throw a friend of mine under the bus.

10 thoughts on “I Want Banks to Send THIS Text Alert

  1. Jennie

    You were NOT wrong, because sending an alert TWO DAYS LATER is not good helpful banking service! How was this to be remedied (if it needed to be) 2 days later? How would you get the money back?

  2. Justin

    Every time I read about waiters bitching about tips, I feel sorry they are such total failures in life that they don’t realize that better jobs exist that they could be happier. Such a shame they waste their life away where if they had any sense and skills at all, they could step up to a nice sanitation engineer job or maybe even become a pig slopper! Better things and times are in your future if only you just open your eyes! Good luck and good tips to all of you!

    1. Linda Gault

      My goodness, Justin. Do you have this much hate and vitriol toward all things in life, or is it reserved totally for people who happen to complain about about their jobs?

    2. Randall

      Not sure what you make a year but as a server/ bartender I make over sixty thousand a year, and only work thirty hours a week and can take anytime off I want so Sir you need to get a life .

    3. mel

      Justin, I’m sorry to hear that you think that people who bust their asses to make sure that your dining experiences are such total failures and that we waste our lives away doing things that apparently you are too incompetent to do for yourself. Some of the most amazing servers and cooks who waste their lives catering to lazy pieces of shit like you, whom I’m guessing, can’t even figure out how to make a box of kraft macaroni and cheese without burning the water, are some of the most educated individuals I have ever had the opportunity to know. And without people like myself, where would you take the “important” people in your life to brag about your bloated ego and prove your dominance in society? Get the fuck over yourself cunt muffin. Hop onto your pathetic little douche canoe and paddle the fuck away. I hope for your sake (not really) that you never wind up in a restaurant of mine. Narrow minded little TWAT. Maybe someday I’ll become a high society member of the pig slipping community like you, but until then, I’ll just keep on keeping on.

  3. Amber

    I’d say sure, but I’ve split my tips between the top line and cash many times as I’d like to give them cash as much as possible!


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