Anthony Bourdain Has the Best Quote Ever

Anthony Bourdain has made a lot of wonderful comments over the years and most of the things he says are dipped in sarcasm, rolled in truth, fried in extra virgin olive bitch and sprinkled with curmudgeon. Basically, he says what everyone thinks but don’t have the balls to say it out out loud. (Sound familiar? One of the reviews for my book said Bitchy Waiter “does for wait staff what Anthony Bourdain did for kitchens: he exposes the ugly side of food service from the perspective of those working on the front lines. And he puts the potential restaurant customer on notice that someone is watching and recording their bad behavior.”)

Some of my favorite things he has said are as follows:

    • “[Rachael Ray] is selling us satisfaction, the smug reassurance that mediocrity is quite enough. She’s a friendly, familiar face who tells us that ‘Even your dumb, lazy ass can cook this.’” Ouch!
    • “So you’re talking someone that’s as stupid and talentless and messed up as Britney Spears cooking? Hasn’t it happened already? I think we have a pretty good idea what that creature would look like if that happened. It would be called ‘Semi-Homemade,’ and she has a show on Food Network already.” Burn!
    • “I don’t dislike Guy Fieri, I realized, after many viewings of his cooking shows, much soul-searching at my personal ashram and many doses of prescription hypnotics. I just dislike — really dislike — the idea that somebody would put Texas-style barbecue inside a fucking nori roll.” Boom!

Is it any wonder that I place this man on a pedestal that is further out of reach than me ever working in fine dining? Imagine my delight when I saw a meme this week with yet another wonderful quote from Mr. Bourdain. I have not been able to verify that it is an actual quote, but I am going to choose to believe that it is real. After all, if it’s on a meme, it must be true, right?

“If you’re a cheap tipper or rude to your server, you are dead to me. You are lower than whale feces.”


Oh, Anthony Bourdain. You keep on being you and I will keep on being me and maybe one day, we will find ourselves at the same bar, both of us slamming back the booze, judging shitty customers and overtipping our server. I can dream, can’t I?

7 thoughts on “Anthony Bourdain Has the Best Quote Ever

  1. Pingback: Bitchy Waiter + Guy Fieri = a Match Made in Heaven! | the bitchy waiter

  2. Peter

    I did a press conference for his first show. Q&A an angry vegetarian asks why he glorified meat eating in the the show. He stairs her down and says “Bacon. You know you want it”


    He recently spoke of chick fil-a (full disclosure, I live in their home town, but have refused to go into one or eat something given to me from one {even if free} because of who used to run the company). Here’s the full quote:
    “Bourdain told AdWeek reporter Lisa Granatstein: “Are we looking for nice people to run our companies? We’re going to be looking pretty hard. I’m not going to go eat at that restaurant or I’m not going to patronize that business because I don’t like what they institutionally support – I don’t like the chairman of the board, I don’t like who created the company, whatever. There’s a whole lot of reasons to just make a personal decision and not go eat at a business and give them your money. I come from a restaurant business where you’re lucky if the guy working next to you isn’t like an armed robber. I support your inalienable right to say really stupid, offensive s*** and believe really stupid, offensive s*** that I don’t agree with. I support that and I might even eat your chicken sandwich.” “

  4. Rachel

    Tipping is a social contract so much so that the government taxes us on the assumption that we will make at least 15% on our tips. For every $100 we bring in the government takes $8 they are literally assuming that we will make at least a 15% tip on everything that we bring in so tip your servers people Christ this isn’t England. This is why it’s legal for servers to make below minimun wage.

  5. Alan

    I’ve often wondered what the appeal of Rachael Ray is. Couldn’t stand her previous show on Food Network(?) “$40 A Day” or something like that where she would stop at local eateries for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and proudly show off each receipt showing how frugal she is. Yes, she does tip, but always 15% and before sales tax. Yeesh!

  6. Kim Brown

    So, there they were at my bar, Anthony Bourdain and The Bitchy Waiter, slamming back the booze, judging shitty customers, and overtipping me.

    I can dream, too, can’t I?


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