Very often, I hear stories from waitresses who were stiffed because a woman at the table thought that the waitress was trying to make the moves on the man at the table. Every one of these instances is accompanied with the waitress’s side of the story which invariably goes something like this: I was not trying to hit on her man. Recently, I was sent a photo of a note that was left at the table when some sad, insecure woman thought that the waitress had eyes for something other than a 20% tip. Take off your thinking caps, because in order to comprehend what was chicken-scratched onto a bev nap, you have to be all kinds of stupid:
Tip: Check-out someomes Oldman is one thing. I know he is hot and stuff which is why he sleeps in my Bed Lady… So Tip 4 the Day: you watching my man means you Don’t get anything Because I think you have look enough That you Got what you though you have But good thing it was a thought. Have A Great Day.
There is so much to question in this note. For instance, why does she capitalize certain words for no apparent reason? It makes it very difficult to understand what she is trying to convey. And where is her punctuation?
In the first sentence when she is referring to Oldman, at first I thought she meant her “old man” which is always such a charming way to refer to your husband or boyfriend. (The same goes for men who call their wives their “old lady.” Keep doing that, men. I’m sure the women in your lives just love it.) However, perhaps she is referring to Oldman, as in the actor Gary Oldman. He is a relatively handsome man and some may consider him to be “hot and stuff.” Since I was not there, I can’t be sure. What I can be sure of is that whether it’s her “old man” or “Gary Oldman,” the gentleman has the pleasure of sleeping in her Bed Lady. No, I don’t know what a Bed Lady is and maybe the author of the note meant to place a comma between those two words, but I would rather think she has some object in her home called a Bed Lady and on this Bed Lady is where Gary Oldman sleeps.
As the note continues, it makes less and less sense, the only clear thought being that she has no plans on leaving a tip for her waitress. Why is this? Is it because she feels threatened by some other female in her surroundings who had the nerve to cast a gaze upon the man she considers her property? Is it because she has so little self-confidence in herself and so much distrust in her boyfriend that the mere act of another woman asking him how he would like his burger cooked is enough to send her spiraling down a path of jealousy and envy? Is it because she is too cheap to ever leave a tip and in each dining situation she has to search out a reason to justify why she will not be leaving one? Perhaps it is a combination of all these things.
Let me say this to all the women of the world who think their waitresses are out to get their men: your waitress does not give a shit about him. All she is doing is her job and and if she happens to make eye contact with someone who has the potential to decide what her income will be, that’s all it is. Unless she is grinding up against him, flashing her tits at him or reaching into his pants, she is probably not trying to steal your man. She is trying to be friendly enough to warrant a 15-20% tip so that she can go home with money in her apron that she can use to pay her rent, have electricity and buy some goddamn groceries. If you think your husband or boyfriend is going to stray just because a waitress is friendly to him, the problem is not with the waitress. It’s with him. Instead of stiffing your waitress because you are so insecure, maybe you should have a serious discussion with your Oldman and leave the waitresses out of it.
Bottom line: it’s her job to be nice and unless your Oldman is Chris Pratt, you’re wrong.
James
The man usually pays so this advice is pretty much worthless
Betsy
If the waitress is calling only your boyfriend pet names and not you at the same table or anyone else around, it is not only flirting but sexual harrassment. I always say something at the time. I have no intention of leaving any tip at all if the waitress behaves that way. And it’s the 2010s, so the man at the table is not always the one who pays. All the waitress does is ruin the evening for the happy couple, lose customers, and lose her tip.
Suzzie
I usely pay & leave the tip. The waitress always very nice to my husband but acts like I do not exist I do not. Had 1 waitress tell my husband directly to him, I do not get along with other women. I was thinking what’s that about? Why would she say that to my husband?? Well if you don’t like women maybe I shouldn’t leave you a tip. Since you think men only pay.
Lola
Some waitresses are seriously so desperate though. Here’s the sad truth: Delusional girls are the worst because they will see a woman who is FAR more attractive than herself and still hit on that woman’s boyfriend/husband/whatever. She will see that a woman is FAR better than her in every way: humor, smile, personality, intelligence, etc., and still think, “I’m going to hit on her man and see if I can win.” Because some women are so insecure that everything is a competition; waitresses can be disgusting, desperate trash. Some women have SUPER good-looking spouses, but please know that the man is laughing at you SO HARD behind your back when they leave. ALL quality men see the waitress as a desperate, disrespectful piece of trash when she’s flirting right in front of his own girlfriend. I was on a double date with a good friend, and saw a waitress try to flirt with her boyfriend while ignoring my friend. Here’s the thing: My friend is Victoria’s-Secret-model beautiful. The waitress was one of those girls who looks average but thinks she’s a solid 10 because thirsty guys hit on her. She had nothing on my friend. She was wearing a skirt (so she thought she was all hot, of course). But she was NOTHING compared to my friend, who is insanely beautiful, intelligent, secure (she didn’t care that a girl was flirting with her man as much as I cared FOR her, ha!), and genuine. When we left, though, her boyfriend commented on how desperate the girl seemed and actually asked, “Do girls care about nothing other than seeing if they can get another girl’s man to pay attention to them these days? Why are they so competitive with women who are so obviously above them?” He thought the girl was pathetic, and he left a bad tip for the fact that this waitress ruined the easygoing vibe of our night, caused tension, and could have potentially caused an argument (if my friend had been insecure). Girls, if you’re trashy, don’t take that trash into the world and try to rub it all over everybody; keep it to yourself. The men, even if they’re quiet about it, think you’re gross and impeding on the good time they’re TRYING to have with the actual woman they CARE about. They don’t care about you—at all. (Even if you WERE prettier than their date, they don’t love you or care about your life in any way.) You’re there to serve them their food; they don’t want to date you. Like, get a grip? (The men who DO flirt with you are drunk and want to have a good time, or are single and looking for an easy hookup, kay?) Apparently this happens to my friend quite often, too. The prettier the girl, the more average trash will hate her and try to flirt with her man, leading to tons of laughter afterwards. Anyway, we went someplace else for drinks after and the gorgeous waitress there was sweet to us two girls and didn’t drench our boyfriends in inappropriate attention, which made our boyfriends leave big tips because she didn’t impede on our good time. She let us live our damn lives without having to turn it into some lame Girl Against Girl Competition that only low-class females resort to. Also, girls commenting here: Stop acting like you don’t care when a girl is disrespecting you by flirting with your boyfriend just because other mush-minded girls say, “It makes you insecure to care!” and all the other dumb hive-minded girls shout, “Hear! Hear!” It doesn’t make you insecure; it makes you a person who is aware when they are being disrespected by trash. Girls flirting with other girls’ spouses is disrespectful; even if it doesn’t make you jealous, it SHOULD make you step up and say, “Stop disrespecting us, as a couple; we’re here to have a good time and don’t need your lack of morals staining our happy vibe.” You’d feel disrespected if someone spit on your shoe, too, no? But not “insecure.” Waitresses: It doesn’t make women feel “insecure.” At all. You’re nothing in this world full of real beautiful women. Women KNOW their men would NEVER touch you. Ever. But speaking up about it makes you a stronger person for not just letting a class-less female think she’s better than you just because she’s delusional or because she gets “SO HAWT!” and “GOALS!” comments on Instagram from her family/friends, which have lead her to believe she’s a snowflake beauty (LOL!). And women slinging the word “insecure” and acting like it’s not wrong for a girl to flirt with other people’s spouses: If you don’t see what’s wrong with it, then you’re the ones doing it and trying to justify your desperation/low self-esteem (gals who love themselves don’t need validation from OTHER women’s spouses!).
Texasmom
You know when someone is flirting, it’s in their body language, eye contact, and goofy smile. I had a waitress get a little too close to my husband who didn’t like his drink and she kept asking him, “What can I do to make it better.” I was thinking how about backing off and giving him a little elbow room for one. But, I did not say anything. She was a ding bat to flirt with someone’s husband right in front of their wife. There’s not much you can do. Just pray and put it in God’s hands. I wait tables and I have never leaned up against someone’s husband and flirted with them right in front of their wife. I too want a good tip, but the golden rule is and always has been——-TREAT OTHERS HOW YOU WANT TO BE TREATED. So if you are a 20 yr old waitress and a 50 yr old man is flirting with you, don’t reciprocate it, especially not in front of his wife, she may be the one who is leaving the tip for you and not him. Do what is right. Don’t worry about your tip. God will provide.
Leah
I caught my bf texting a strip club waitress. The scrolling was endless. I couldnt even read anything because of the shock i was in. This isnt the first time i caught him texting some random cunt.
jeremy
How about you waitresses stop the pathetic behavior and not be nice to the man only? It is flirting even if your goal is to get a tip. I see this a lot in restaurants and it’s awkward and disrespectful. It also makes me want to tip less.
Runescape Gold
youre really talented.
Sarah
When the boyfriend and I go out– there are some female servers that try to get him to chatter, simply because he’s got a Scottish accent. That alone makes them fawn over him, and frankly, I just laugh.
It’s not a common accent around here, so I can see why the attention, but unless I’m being actively ignored by the server or not getting my needs met…I don’t detract from their tip. 18-20% is my standard tip, and I honestly don’t understand why some people are so insecure they stiff someone that’s busting their arse to make money for those lovely things called groceries and rent. And I agree, there’s obviously deeper issue(s) going on if someone thinks that a friendly or at least polite server is going to cause their significant other to stray.
Juicy
the waitress should of given this poor delusional woman her note back with her own tip and said : Here learn to spell a little bit better , take this towards your grammar lessons!
Rachael
On the opposite side of the coin I (a straight female) used to have female waitresses hit on me in front of my husband all the time. It happened more than once at different restaurants and we just never figured out why, lol. It was so weird.
Arm touching, directing all questions to me, kinda being bitchy to my husband. Is this what the wives encounter? Maybe I just got all the lesbian waitresses? Lol.
Best service I ever got, though. Dinner, that is. Get your minds out of the gutter!
Serenity
Honestly, they’re probably not hitting on you, so much as overcompensating so you know they’re not hitting on your guy! I do all those things, aside from “being bitchy” (although it “may” come across that way, since I am paying more attention to the woman), just to ensure no one gets the wrong idea. Now, I find out, they may STILL be getting the wrong idea, lol! us poor girls can’t win! Friendly? hitting on someone! more reserved? such a bitch! oh well :/
Rachael
I’m not talking about friendliness. I’m talking about full on back rubbing, arm touching, walking away in the middle of his sentence, only asking me what to drink…etc. We had a good laugh and giggled when one actually came up behind me and put their hands on my shoulders and took our orders that way…and then said my hair smelled good. It was not taken seriously, but I can see why some people may get uncomfortable.
Lori
One waitress put her hands on my man she was fat and she totally ignored me!And he looked shocked and it pissed me off.He is way too friendly with the waitresses asking one about the logo on her shirt geez
Erin
This makes me sad. The note-writer is clearly functionally illiterate. Is this transferrence? Is she really actually mad and frustrated because the school system failed her? Does she feel impotent and invisible? Does she lord her pride in Oldman over other people because she feels less than? Does Oldman exploit these feelings? There’s so much tragic understory that we will never know.
Kessie
What an obnoxious broad the note scribbler was! She was so angry about something that was all in her head she could hardly put her thoughts into words on a napkin. XD
Anonymous
I never had anyone do that to me when I waited tables. It’s one of the only upsides to being slightly fat.
#ONTHEFLY
This couple came in, and upon ordering hennesey neat, i naturally carded the guy. After checking up on them later, I asked how crazy Oakland got after the Warriors won. The girl later approached me in a threatening manner at the service well demanding I tell her how I know her man. I said that I didnt know him, and she got in my face and said, “Bitch, dont be lying. You know where he stay, you know he be liking the warriors…” I told her to leave the service well, I just carded him, and hes wearing a Warriors jersey.”
Dj conte
This to Gilbey above, who made the hooker statement. I really take offense to your statement that as a server, all I care about is your money. Why is serving any different than any other profession? Does everyone else only do their jobs for the money and not care about their reputations or the businesses or the people they are in contact with? I choose to wait tables, I enjoy it, I like people and I like food. Yes, it does matter to me how your day was and if you are enjoying your meal!!!
Dj conte
This to Gilbert above, who made the hooker statement. I really take offense to your statement that as a server, all I care about is your money. Why is serving any different than any other profession? Does everyone else only do their jobs for the money and not care about their reputations or the businesses or the people they are in contact with? I choose to wait tables, I enjoy it, I like people and I like food. Yes, it does matter to me how your day was and if you are enjoying your meal!!!
Missy
I have actually had a server try to actively ignore me while trying to flirt with my husband. He ignored her and directed all of her questions to me. She wouldn’t even look at me until she realized I held the money
Dawn
You can usually spot these women a mile away (or as soon as you greet the table). They tend to cut you off when you introduce yourself, lean toward over the table toward you for no particular reason, interrupt the man they are with, and make some changes to his order. And after making you run back to the kitchen 20 times, they complain to the manager that it was “the worse meal they ever had”.
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Teresa
FUCK OFF
Donna
if the waitress is actually fondling and all familiar with your man? I bet he’s hanging out at the place when you aren’t around.
Kelly
Not really. I’ve had several throwing themselves at my husband, assuming that he is the one paying the bill and leaving the tip. Far from it. Like someone else said; Much like prostitutes, they have to flirt and try to use their body to make money. So classless. If it’s a group of guys, that’s one thing, but if a man is out with his wife (and kids), then acknowledge the whole family, not just the man. It makes them look like a desperate whore. I guess most are tip-whores though, huh?
Gilbey
I can understand the confusion, the initial motions a hooker and a waitress go through to get a dollar are pretty identical! But all and all, neither is sincerely interested in anything other than money.
Melanie
What, they ask, “How can I help you?” Or is it, “What would you like to drink?” Not sure what “initial motions” you think a waitress goes through that are “pretty identical” to a hooker, though. Oh, and side note – the phrase is “all IN all.”
Gilbey
Dear Melanie,
I hope this guide is of some help to your children.
http://www.wikihow.com/Cope-With-Your-Mother-Being-a-Prostitute
Cory
You’re so right, Gilbey. Servers and prostitutes are identical in so many ways. There are definitely no other businesses or professions who want your money. I’m pretty sure major corporations who have salespeople are totally philanthropic. And banks. And ANY OTHER BUSINESS THAT IS NOT A CHARITY. But you’re right. Anyone who serves tables is just a pro who keeps their clothes on.
Leah
For the most part this is b.s. but I do work with some girls that flirt with guys with their girlfriends just to be bitches
Denise
I use to to serve & bar tend, I’ve had a lady tell me she wanted a male server because she didn’t like how her husband looked at me.So in my opinion, if you cant trust your husband then move on and get some confidence!
April
I’ve had a couple servers hit on my husband before. Not usually in front of me though. I’ve always figured they do it less because they “want my man” and more because they assume he is paying and that if they flatter him, he will tip more.
On the upside, it doesn’t bother me though. I use it as teasing fodder and I tease him about it for the rest of the evening. Unless they actively ignore me, or something, I don’t take it from their tip.
James
Is there something wrong with the images associated with this blog? Several of them in recent posts aren’t loading/displaying for me. For instance, the image of the cocktail note dosent display. Anyone else having this difficulty?
April
I can see them….
Shelley
Hilarious! The sad part about this is that if this idiot ever sees your site, she won’t understand the point. Too stupid to get it! She’ll probably think you’re supporting her, since she thinks so highly of herself and her Oldman!
Aj
When I was working in the service industry, I didn’t want to look at my “old man” let alone some other broads man. Insecure bitches please! The fact that he’s with your tired insecure ass is reason enough not to want him. He can’t handle a real woman who is confident.
Js
Wow.
“Your man is a soy boy because he respects you.”
How old are you, kid?
Keep flashing those tits. Maybe you’ll get out of Hooters some day. Or you’ll turn 30 and no longer suitable for Hooters. At which time you’ll be here with the rest of us, with your own words to haunt you, watching your OLD MAN pick up a new broad.
And all the little girlies will be sniggering and pointing at YOU.
Remember me then, sweetie.
Jesika
It looks like a 13 yr old girl wrote this
Js
Sad. If a woman stands up for herself – demanding the same respect shown to her man – she’s a mean and selfish little girl.
But a waitress can throw her arms around my husband – and she’s somehow not being disrespectful to me.
Even when she looks back over her shoulder and winks at me.
And she can wear a tank that exposes her breasts to the entire store — and bend low over that table so my husband gets a good nipple shot — and I’m not allowed to complain.
Think about that:
She can flash my husband and no matter how awkward it makes things with my husband … she’s “just doing her job”.
Sorry girls.
And I use the word “girls” purposefully.
If you’re using your breasts and your touch – and you’re openly flirting with my husband — for money — you’re a glorified stripper.
That’s it.
I have no use for little girls who want to play stripper.
I certainly don’t tip them.
Nor do I NEED to tip ANYONE who purposefully humiliated me.
Mad I called you a stripper?
Then don’t act like one.
Heather
Well, I’ve had some waitresses legit hit on my husband. Touching him over and over, laughing obscenely when things just weren’t that funny, etc, placing their hips right up against his arm.
I did make it a point to smile bitchily when I reached for the check, lol. And I DID take it out on their wallet…I only left 20% instead of the usual obscene “I’m-in-the-industry-too” tip.
Alison Miller
Omg you are so funny. I giggled at my desk at work. Love your stuff. Please keep doing it…..forever. 😉
Katie
unless those servers KNEW you were in the industry and that you typically tip very well, I’m willing to bet they were thrilled with your 20% tip. It may have been a dis to you, but I doubt they saw it as one…
Heather
There’s such a thing as tip karma…It’s rare that I’ll go below 20% because I’m terrified that it will come back at me, lol…
kristin
Wow.. you sure showed them. Smh. While you are not quite as big an idiot as above note writer.. you aren’t far behind. The only reason you made this post is to “brag”… or at least that’s what I’m assuming.
Heather
No. I was countering the post with my experience.
Waitresses really DO go over the top with the flirting occasionally. It can be uncomfortable.
After 20 years in the industry, I don’t feel bad saying so. You can’t expect a woman to leave you a big, fat, tip if you’ve been pawing her date all night. I don’t know, maybe keep your hands to yourself and make sure the drinks stay full?
I’m not sure what the “brag” was there…
Stephanie
Maybe your husband should be setting better boundaries as a married man. Why is he allowing women, whether a server or any other female, to touch him and rub against him? Sounds like your man is the problem, not the servers.
Melanie
My thoughts exactly! If you think that your husband could possibly be swayed by a waitress brushing against his arm, then there are trust issues between the two of you that have nothing to do with the waitress. He is your husband, but he is not your property. If you treat him like he is, he will undoubtedly get fed up one day with all of your possessiveness and say, “Well if I’m going to be accused of being unfaithful even when I’m not, I may as well do the crime!” Sadly, I see it all the time. While youryo struggling to maintain your “hold” on your man, you wind up pushing him away instead.
Js
Is it too much to ask for YOU to RESPECT the WIFE/GF as much as you respect the waitress?
Sorry, but no: there are boundaries and until a waitress learns to respect those boundaries she’s going to get stiffed.
And not the “stiffed ” she’s hoping for.
Respect.
Try it on for size.
Jen S
Sad that a woman is expected to sit quietly and be understanding … even when she knows damn well the waitress IS hitting on her husband.
How sad that we women are being schooled on being more accepting, and waitresses are not schooled on professional distance and respect.
You know.
Talking with both people at the table. Making sure both glasses are full.
And When my name is on the credit card you can hand the card back to ME and thank ME like you thank him.
Sorry folks.
If I’m trying to talk to the waitress and she won’t acknowledge me — unless my husband asks for me — she’s being a bitch and deserves to be docked in the tip department.
You forget: that’s MY money paying her tip, too. I have as much right to be treated with respect.
Js
Good for you.
You deserve to enjoy dinner too.
And all these bitches saying “oh please, I just touched his arm” … how about you keep your goddamned hands to yourself? Especially if you know it HURTS fellow women?
If you’re using your body to get a bigger tip, sorry — you’re just a whore.