I fell into a deep dark hole last night that I had a very difficult time pulling myself out of. I’m not talking about the camel toe that was happening at Table 4. I’m talking about reading the comments on the Facebook pages of major chain restaurants. They are hilarious. If you are in need of a way to kill at least an hour of your time, by all means, follow my example. There was a time when if a customer had an issue with their meal or service in a restaurant, they simply told their server or asked to speak to a manager. They would have a face to face conversation; the customer explaining their issue and the staff coming up with a solution. Times have changed and it seems that the way people are most comfortable complaining nowadays is via a Facebook Page. AND USING THE CAPS LOCK BUTTON TOO. I guess it’s just easier to go to Facebook than it is to speak to a human being.
I started with Chili’s. The main thing I noticed about the Chili’s Facebook Page is that there are a lot of people in Kaufman, Texas who want a Chili’s in their town. Post after post is from sad individuals in Texas who are craving some crappy food from Sysco.
Poor Cari. She probably only has Pizza Hut, Applebee’s and Sonic to satisfy her urge for sub-par food from a chain restaurant.
Some people are on the page to compliment Chili’s, like Tara who loves the new look at her local Chili’s and is probably taking notes so that she can spruce up her home. No HGTV for Tara. She’s got Chili’s!
Most people want to complain though. For instance, Mary is very upset about something that probably has ruined her whole entire life.
How can a happy hour be anything but depressing as hell without White Zinfandel? The humanity, Chili’s, my God!
And what about good ol’ David who just wants what’s coming to him. All he wants is his fair share.
After I grew tired of the whining about Chili’s I went to the Facebook Page of Applebee’s for even more entertainment. The first comment that caught my eye was that of Mary Elizabeth who apparently does not know what the mute button is for on her remote control.
Ironic, isn’t it, that she is complaining about “nails on a chalkboard” by using all caps which is the Internet equivalent?
And what about Jessi who practically had her child’s birthday ruined when the servers wouldn’t sing happy birthday to him? I can imagine that Jessi’s server went to the kitchen and yelled out those dreaded four words, “I need birthday singers” and the servers all scattered like roaches when you turn on the kitchen light in the middle of the night.
I do agree with Jessi that it was shameful that the server dropped half of the dessert on the floor and left it there without offering a replacement. However, I think the first indication that her child’s birthday was going to be shitty was when she pulled into the parking lot of Applebee’s.
Jennifer went to the Facebook page to let them know that she has officially given up on Applebee’s.
With that many poor experiences at an Applebee’s you would think she would have given up a long time ago, but Jennifer is not a quitter. She likes to make sure something really really sucks ass before she decides to give up on it. Cold food, hair in the food, raw chicken? No big deal, but I guess the bad service was just the straw that broke the camel toe’s back. However, it looks like the Guest Relations Team is going to send Jennifer a coupon to give them one last chance to prove to her that they deserve her respect. If I know Jennifer, (and I totally don’t) she will go back to Applebee’s as soon as she gets that $5 coupon.
I think my favorite thing about all the posts on these pages is that Facebook lets me embed them on my very own blog so that people who read my blog can interact directly with Chili’s and Applebee’s customers. Ah, technology. Feel free to add your comments to the Facebook posts. It’s fun, but beware: if you start to read all the complaints, you will quickly lose two hours of your day and some of your brain cells will rot away as you try to understand what some of them are saying. If you’re like me, and have very few brain cells left, you might want to save them. However, the sheer joy I get from reading complaints on Facebook is almost worth losing a few brain cells. I’m already a dumb ass so I may as well be a dumber ass.
christine
I lost all faith in humanity when I read the yelp comments for fun. No, I have never posted there. People were on yelp talking about McDonalds…really?!? WTF?
Kate
I wish I knew you, Bitchy. I think we would be friends. Love all your writing… hilarious!
11 years in hospitality in all venues and positions mean I understand everything you write about – brilliant. Keep being awesome!
Denise in WI
Yelp is fun to read, too. Actually saw this gem the other day: “when I go to a restaurant wearing a black dress, shame on you for giving me a white linen napkin.”
Emily
I worked in a fine dining restaurant that had black linen napkins. Same crazy ladies would say “do you not have white napkins? I have on white pants” with a look of disgust like she was being asked to use garbage to clean herself. People are loons.
Anonymous
They probably would have had a heart attack if they ever set foot in the Cafe Adobe where I used to work, with its white and blue and purple and orange and yellow and green linen napkins…
#ONTHEFLY
Yes! I dont have the fb (however i do regret not seeing bw’s other works posted there) so i enjoy the yelp comments too! Especially the ones not recommended at the very bottom. It’s definitely time-passing outlandish humor….people are fascinating!
White Russian
Holy shit!!! Y’all seriously need to check out the Chili’s page, like 60% of comments in there are asking for a Chili’s in that Kaufman, TX. It is hilarious as hell!! I read on and there’s so many people begging for Chili’s in Kaufman, TX its beyond funny.
One day I’ll make a special trip to Kaufman, TX just to see those people lol
kat szulga
I only dare to venture into that deep and dark world under your boozy guidance bw. Love yah!
Alicia C
I work at Applebee’s. Now, I’ve done fine dining but multiple moves that were necessary left me with a resume that included 2 jobs I left in 4 months. Not good. So on my final move I took a job at Applebee’s. It’s good money but harder than any job I’ve had. That’s facing 6 years of industry experience and 6 companies. It’s hell. As a closer I’m generally one of four servers with 8 tables more, including a few 6 tops. People treat you like shit, you have very little support staff, and we can’t do anything about the kitchen sucking. Add our ancient computer system that’s slower than MICROs and it’s a real shit storm
kat szulga
How are your coworkers?
anne marie
I don’t have a facebork account, so I will have to be content with “people of wallyworld”. they are just as bad.
Jessica
Haha I do this all the time. Always gives me a good laugh.
Jamie
To be fair, there’s something like wrong with Applebee’s servers. Every one I’ve been to (in 3 different states), the server was just total bottom of the barrel horribad.
I’m sorry if you work there and you’re actually good at your job.
Still tipped 20% cuz dunno if they were for real bad or just having a random off day.
Anonymous
It might be a symptom of working at Applebee’s… When I worked at Chilis I made so much effort to be an amazing server…. Until getting 5% – 10% tips at every table (with only a few exceptions) made me stop putting in the effort since I was getting paid the same for crappy service anyway… I’ve since escaped from serving.
stine
^EXACTLY. people don’t understand how unmotivated we get, because shit like that happens to us DAILY.
I was working at Olive Garden, and was hoping that the little money I was making (not even $50/shift) was due to the location and season. I would come home after every shift crying because I couldn’t pay my bills.. Then get to work and have to deal with the same stuff.
People seriously think we’re robots and should never make a mistake.
Now I work in an office, and I hate it more than restaurant work.. but at least I know I can somewhat keep up on my bills. Serving made me really start to hate people
Mae
Your reference to “A Charlie Brown Christmas” totally made my day today! 🙂
BobbyAnn
You missed the best one – It’s on Chili’s main page. A customer at one of their restaurants went in to ask the manager if she could [I kid you not] have her 5 [6 y.o.?] daughter’s birthday dinner at that location and then pay them on their next paycheck!!! which would be after said dinner.
Seems that some of the other patrons and a waitress heard about it and threw the kid a party and the restaurant comped the food too.
All because the family had fallen on “hard times”. I only put that in quotes because 1. this family is not starving [as evidenced by Mom and Dad in the pics] and 2. when you don’t have the means to take your kid out to dinner for her birthday YOU STAY HOME and make her a meal and a cake. Period. NO – they didn’t ask for the party and I applaud the restaurant and patrons for their kindness and YES – all parents want their kids to have a nice birthday – but when you DO NOT HAVE THE MEANS STAY THE FUCK HOME and stop asking for favors, like paying after the fact.
She’s six, she’ll get over it.
My daughter celebrated her 16th birthday, at home [it was on the second day of school at her new HS] We had previously been homeless because we had lost our home [where she had lived her whole life] due to my health [we have insurance, but it doesn’t pay for everything] We moved to a new town in the middle of her HS years and she didn’t know one single person to invite. We scraped enough money together to buy her a pair of tennis shoes and a magazine subscription. I made her dinner and her cake. I would never have DREAMED of asking to pay for something “after the fact” for a 6 y.o.’s birthday – let alone my 16 y.o.’s sweet sixteen. I love my daughter and it damn near broke my heart to have her so alone for such a special day, but really? She survived. Just fine.
The “can I pay later” birthday beats David asking for a coupon all to hell.
anne marie
I hope you are in a better place now; you have common sense, those other “parents” did not.
Anonymous
I do too. They probably are, since they clearly know how to prioritize their spending instead of promising it all for things after the fact.
BobbyAnn
Thank you so much for saying that [you too Anonymous]. We’re in our new home and she has made so many friends. Her 17th birthday is right around the corner and it will be nice to be able to invite them all over for a cookout. But shhhh…it’s going to be a surprise. She knows money will always be a little tight as long as I am ill, but we’ve been saving up – a little here, a little there. I can’t wait. She really is a good kid.
Thank you again.
Kristi
@BobbyAnne I hope your health gets better. Please wish your daughter Happy Birthday during her cookout with her new friends.
Ashton Rodriquez
I love this so much.
After seeing your post about Chilis on Facebook yesterday I too took a long and dark journey into the world of chain restaurant Facebook comments. I recognize all the ones you posted from Chilis. They are so entertaining.