A Comment on Comments, the Ordering Water Edition

A Comment on Comments
A Comment on Comments

A couple of days ago, I wrote an article for another website about ordering water in restaurants. It was a simple question and answer that consisted of 342 words. No big deal, right? One would think so, but it really brought the trolls out from under their bridge and now I get to respond to a few of them. First off, I never said that it was bad to order water in a restaurant. In fact, I wrote the exact opposite of that. I went on to explain why some servers may get annoyed by a very select group of people who order water. Most of the people who left comments did not bother to read the article and went right to the comment section to leave their two cents on the matter. I am here to give some people their change because if they gave me two cents of their thoughts I want them to have at least a penny left over for the next time they need to comment on something they didn’t even read. Let’s begin:

Danielle says: My restaurant determines shifts based on servers’ beverage order rate per customer, so water drives that down and after enough water drinkers all night, I’m looking at a crappy percentage and potentially losing some prime shifts/sections. I never even knew that. No wonder some servers detest water drinkers so much. It’s one thing to have a lower check average and therefore get a smaller tip, but to have your shifts based on your sales is just plain shitty. End of story.

Tim says: Thank god I go to classy restaurants. That don’t have bitchy waitresses. They, in fact, have people who actually are there, walking around to make sure every glass of water is full, at every table, all the time. And to remove dirty dishes the minute you’re done with them. Tim is under the impression that just because his waitress isn’t bitchy to his face that she isn’t talking shit about him in the sidestand. And if the restaurant is so classy, why is the waitress taking the dirty dishes away the minute you’re done with them? Proper serving etiquette suggests that no dishes be removed until everyone at the table is finished. Keep it classy, Tim.

Ray says: If you are going to bitch about your JOB you should go find one you like. I drink a shit ton of water and normally ask for a pitcher. Nothing worse than a server who doesn’t want to serve. Again, I never said we don’t want to serve water. I simply said that it can be annoying if someone is going to drink a “shit ton” of water and we spend a lot of time doing something that is not going to increase our tip average. Most people tip on the total on their check and a “shit ton” of water costs zero dollars. 20% of zero is zero.

Julian says: Every waiter that complains about getting me getting water instead of multiple 30+ grams of sugar drinks can kiss my asshole. Julian needs to find a better way of asking for a rim job.

Danielle says: People ordering water doesn’t bother me at all. The guy who had 9 (!!!) pints of water today and didn’t tip for crap, does bother me. My point exactly.

Pauline says: So now when we go out to eat, we HAVE to order certain things?? How bout i jus order whatever i feel like ordering… Yes, Pauline, order whatever your little heart desires but please understand that when you read something written by someone who calls himself The Bitchy Waiter, it might just be a tad bit bitchy. Jus sayin’.

Dan says: Who cares if they don’t like it. After age 25 no one should still be waiting tables… Don’t like it get a better job! Dan, you can go eat a dick that has been soaked for week in a glass of free tap water and then you can choke on that water-logged piece of meat. What world are you living in that at age 26 everyone becomes doctor or lawyer? Waiting tables ain’t no Logan’s Run where when you hit a certain age, you are banished forever. Grow up, asshole. And please contact Julian from above. I think you guys will really hit it off.

Matthew says: Why is water such a bad thing. Any server who bitches about water stfu and get out of serving people. Clearly, Matthew did not read the article because if he had, he would have had the answer to his question. READ.

Thank you to everyone who read the article and to those who commented on it. The bottom line is this: order whatever you want in a restaurant, just keep in mind if your server is filling up eight glasses of water ten different times, you might want to tip a bit on the service and not just the total on the check.

I wait tables and bitch about it on my blog, The Bitchy Waiter.

21 thoughts on “A Comment on Comments, the Ordering Water Edition

  1. Dear Dan,
    You seem like a smart fellow (See: “Ass”), Care to put your imagination to the test? Come up with a single reason a single mother at age 37 with a master’s degree in electronic engineering with experience working for both IBM and the FAA could possibly need to bus tables at Olive Garden? The short answer should be life isn’t fair. Want to know why my mother lived it while taking care of two kids who didn’t understand? Because of an idiot who badmouthed her before transferring calls to the actual person she gave to employers as a reference from the FAA. Just some misogynistic prick who answered the phone for his boss.

    Yes, this is a fringe case, an extreme case. It cost us our home, our savings, and her marriage. It took her not believing everyone who said it was her fault that she couldn’t find another job, including her parents, a friend to pose as an employer, and an expensive private detective to break out of what everyone in our family and circle of friends wrote off as a conspiracy theory.

    In short, dick-head, shit happens to everyone. Life isn’t easy or fair. And a job busing tables is more honorable than being a dismissive bastard. Send your Mom some flowers, you judgmental prick, and tip your waitress/waiter.

  2. Dan needs to get out more. Restaurant staff in most of the better restaurants, and in most European countries, are not even considered broken in until they are near 25. Waiting tables correctly takes a true professional, and I really appreciate it when I have the joy and luxury of being on the receiving end of pro service. Things happen seamlessly, wine and water and courses come and go without my having to expend a lot of thought, and I can focus on whatever it is I have a mind to, whether that is the food, the wine, the company, the conversation, the sights or music or other atmospheric that catches my attention — and the attentive but unobtrusive facilitators, my noble guides in this journey of the palate, they are truly the pros (*I* don’t work in this business, THEY do, and thus I must respect and appreciate their experience and attention), and I care not a whit their ages, just their abilities. And pros definitely deserve pro recompense! For while it only appears to take, for example, a mere five or so minutes to open and pour the wine for us or to place that dish before us, in reality it has taken ten or more years of experience (plus those five minutes) to be able to guide us to a good choice and to properly present that choice. Yes, I admit that I feather at the eye-candy value of the younger server, how not? But to feel truly and deliciously coddled it takes the studied hand of mature staff. And by God, I hope they ARE talking about me, at least in my favourite restaurants, because we certainly talk about them, don’t we? (usually speculating about didn’t he seem to have an extra spring to his step tonight, and doesn’t that new fellow look so good, and wasn’t it so fabulous of him to remember my birthday like that, and what an excellent wine he had for us tonight, etc.), so turnabout would only be fair… Please never stop, Bitchy! We love you!

  3. I know I drink a lot of water. My husband drinks a lot of water. So does his family. I’m talking 2-3 glasses each

    So I do what I can to make life easier. I ask for the pitcher. Then no one has to constantly run back and forth filling our cups.

    Oh and I tip 20%. I know waters don’t get tipped for the water but I’d at least like to make it easier for them. They can drop a pitcher at my table and I’m happy as a calm. I don’t need to pretend servers are at my beck and call like servents.
    like some people…..

  4. Generally, if you order water, I really don’t care. There’s bigger things for me to worry about. However, right now, we’re having a sales contest. Winner gets $500. Every “no beverage” you ring in (aka water) you lose points. I want to win the cash, and when I have a night like I did last week, where it seems like EVERYBODY wants water (even when I follow the corporate script and suggest beverages), I get a little discouraged.

  5. Oh by the way, if you are a big water drinker there’s no law that says you can’t say to the server “Hey, I drink a lot of water. Would you mind leaving a pitcher so you don’t have to come back every 5 minutes?”

    To me, I would think that would say you appreciate all the juggling they have to do, they’re not going to get stiffed on a tip at the end of the night, and they can focus on the people who do buy the 3 or 4 Jack and Gingers to get that upsell going.

  6. This is why I love reading Bitch Waiter. He tells it like it is with just the right level of bitchiness to get the point across.

    Besides, anyone who makes a Logan’s Run reference is total awesomeness!

    RENEWAL!!!! 🙂

  7. I don’t drink soda, period…it’s terrible for you…with that being said, if I don’t have a beer or cocktail, then I typically tip over 20%. I think that’s fair and more than makes up for the lack of soda. I would imagine with all the studies that are coming about with soda causing obesity and diet soda being so terrible for you that people are going to start switching to water or at least unsweetened tea…it’s just healthier, of course maybe they should give up the side of ranch while they are at it!!

  8. I absolutely love and look forward to your blog and every article you write. I tried being a server – once – a very long time ago and I couldn’t do it. It takes a special kind of person to serve others. As for the comments on your bitching – I call bullshit on them all! Unless a person is working their dream job that pays a gajillion dollars EVERYONE bitches about their jobs … perhaps they all need front row seats to the show Dan and Julian will be putting on.

  9. The only think worse than ordering just water is ordering hot water for the tea bag they brought!! Seriously people, don’t come out to eat and order hot water! Your cheap, we get it, and until waitstaff gets paid more than $2.63 an hour (which means thousands owed for taxes since your check doesn’t coved them!) this is an uacceptabld practice! Order a goddamn margarita and enjoy your dinner you cheap asshole!!

  10. I guess it’s one of those things where those who know what you were saying read it as intended and those who don’t completely missed the point.

    Servers do NOT care that you drink water. They don’t mind refilling your water.

    Servers care if you make lemonade at the table, and they care if order water “for the table”, mainly because when everyone gets 2 drinks, 2 drinks per person do not fit on a cocktail tray which only holds 10-12 glasses. The vast majority of your friends do not drink water and those full glasses will still be there at the end of the meal. yes, that’s annoying.

    As for finding a “real job” after 25. I make $50k/year plus benefits with a flexible schedule and no corporate responsibilities. I have a bachelor’s degree- that career starts around $30k w no benefits. We serve because it’s lucrative and if it weren’t lucrative, no one good would do it.

    Keep on with the funny, bitchy. Your blog isn’t for the customers anyway

  11. Water is usually all I drink when I go out to restaurants, but I treat it like I would any other unlimited refill drink. Keep my glass decently full, you’ll get a dang good tip from me, usually 5-10 for the average restaurant. If I see a place starting to fill up or my server getting busy, I’ll even step up and ask for a pitcher of water for the table. Depending on the server’s attitude to the request, depends on the tip. I won’t take being judged for my hydration choices, but I also won’t judge someone’s job either, tips are livelihood. I know this and treat accordingly

      1. well, because all she drinks is water, her salad probably comes out to ten bucks and then she ties up the table for 3 hours drinking water. So I guess she thinks 100% tip on a really small bill makes up for the lost income that the server would have had if they could turn the table to people that are going to spend money. SMH.

  12. Ok. I am the person that makes you nuts. That said I tell servers this up front “I drink a LOT of water. I will likely have 3 glasses during this meal. If you bring me a pitcher that’s awesome. If not please just keep it full.” Then I will automatically tip 30-40% just because they keep it full. If they don’t keep it full after that warning they get 15-20%.

  13. Response to Dan above: I will probably be a server all of my life. Just like my dad has been a server all of his life. Yes, when you come into our restaurant and constantly order water and tip like crap, but expect your water to be filled at the halfway point I am definitely talking behind your back. Just to let Dan know from above that thinks everyone over the age of 25 should be done serving, lets compare wealth and happiness and see how that smug man is feeling when he is done.

  14. cheese louise, who pissed in their cheerios (the freaks commenting on the link)? h8 is not in short supply there.

    I usually like to have a cock-a-tail with my meal, then I switch to water. 20-30% is my normal tip.

    love you, bitchy! 🙂

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