Restaurant Owner Takes Entire Staff to Disney World

This blog is rife with examples of poor restaurant managers, horrible bosses and customers so awful that I wouldn’t waste my piss on them even if they were on fire and begging for me to put them out. However, once in a great while, we are gifted with a story (WRAL TV) of a restaurant owner who reminds us that there is plenty of good in the world of food service.

Gypsy Gilliam, owner of State Farmer’s Market Restaurant in Raleigh, North Carolina, wanted to show her appreciation to her staff and rather than bringing in a box of day old donuts from the Piggly Wiggly, she decided to close down her restaurant for a few days and take her entire staff to Disney World, along with their families.

(Cue me emailing my resume for a job at State Farmer’s Market Restaurant)

The staff was understandably shocked and grateful.

“I have a 5-year old son,” said employee Jessica Burr. “I don’t know what the future holds, but I know this is something I wouldn’t able to do for him. I am forever grateful to Gypsy, and I don’t have any idea how to pay her back.”

Gypsy knows what’s important when you’re running a business: the employees. Each and every one of these people who work for her know how valuable they are to their boss. It’s real and genuine and that’s how you earn respect from your employees. I’m not saying that every boss should take their crew to Disney World, but they should let them know how important they are to the business. When your employees are happy, the customers are happy. It’s been proven time and time again.

Gypsy said there would be no restaurant without her staff and she was “blessed to be able to give them a little magic in their lives.

Thank you to Gypsy Gilliam for brightening the world this week with your wonderful story. And congratulations to the staff of State Farmer’s Market Restaurant who have discovered they work for an amazing boss. But I have feeling they already knew that even before they went to Disney World.

Free Shrimp at Red Lobster is Happening

Red Lobster is celebrating its 50th anniversary this year and CEO Kim Lopdrup has announced huge plans for this last weekend of February: FREE SHRIMP! From February 29-31 each of the seafood restaurants will offer their customers unlimited free shrimp with no additional purchases.

Says Lopdrup, “Just pile the kids and neighbors into the SUV and come on down to your local Red Lobster! Fill up on Garlic Shrimp, Wood-Grilled Shrimp, Coconut Shrimp, Alfredo Shrimp, Turkey Tetrazzini Shrimp, Green Tea Shrimp, Shrimp Meatloaf and follow it with a Chocolate Shrimp Brownie Surprise. It’s all free because we appreciate you, our customers!”

The three-day shrimp extravaganza is unprecedented for the Golden Gate Capitol chain, but Lopdrup feels it’s the right thing to do. “We just want to give away free shrimp, but if someone wants free lobster, well, why not? Just ask.”

Understandably, customers are very excited about the promotion. Hoyle Greene, a 45-year old father of six from Cloverdale, Indiana plans to take advantage of the promotion even though the nearest Red Lobster for him is in Bloomington, Indiana and almost thirty miles away. “I’ll drive there for dinner every day. Sure, it might cost me some extra gas, but if I can feed my family of eight for free it’s totally worth it. I’ll just order us all waters and maybe get an order of Cheddar Bay biscuits for us to split. I figure the bill might be five bucks. And with the tip, six!”

Many servers who work for the chain are not looking forward to the weekend. Mickey Magnia, a 23-year old server at the Victoria, Texas location is actually dreading the promotion. “Ugh, all these cheap people coming out of the woodwork just to get their free food. And the people who come here are cheap already. I might call in sick all weekend since I know I won’t make any money. It’s gonna be a mad house.”

Still Lopdrup is excited about the event. “We just think it’s a great way to show our customers that we care. If it goes well, we might try it again in a few months but maybe give away liquor instead. We’ll see!”

If you want to know more about where you can take advantage of free shrimp at Red Lobster over the next three days, CLICK HERE.

Susan Had a Bad Time at Applebee’s on Her Birthday

Everyone wants their birthday to be as special as it possibly can. After all, not everyone in the world is lucky enough to have a birthday, right? There are only a select few people in the world who know what day they were birthed and those are the fortunate ones who get to celebrate their birthday.

Susan is one of those rare people who has a birthday and in an effort to acknowledge such a special occurrence, she went to Applebee’s on the anniversary of leaving the safety of her mother’s womb. Susan had visions of Neighborhood Nachos with Beef dancing in her head and celebratory servers belting out happy birthday wishes while bestowing upon her endless Blue Ribbon Brownies and Butter Pecan Blondies. Sadly, that’s not what happened.

Its was bad service that she had. And she is not going there anymore.

Applebee’s definitely dropped the birthday ball on this one and because of that, they have lost a valued customer forever. While we do not know for certain what exactly happened to Linda at Applebee’s that she deemed “bad service,” seeing that it was Applebee’s it could have been a myriad of things. From the hostess making Susan wait five minutes until the booth she wanted was cleaned to the server not smiling enough while bring the fifth Diet Coke to the food runner placing an order of Bourbon Street Chicken and Shrimp at the table and forgetting to tell Susan the skillet was hot, it could have literally been anything.

The sad thing is that all of this went down on the most special day of the whole entire year: Susan’s birthday.

On behalf of Applebee’s, even though I have absolutely no affiliation with the company whatsoever, I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to Susan for letting her down on her birthday. Since she has already complained on Facebook about her experience, I am sure that an Applebee’s gift card has been hastily sent to her in effort to lure her back to the restaurant. Susan, if you decide to stick to your guns and never go there again. I would like to offer an invitation for you to spend your next birthday at my restaurant in Queens, New York. All I ask is that you give me two to three months notice so that I have time to hire the marching band and have the new red carpet installed in the dining room. I will also need you to submit your shoe size as soon as possible so I may order your custom made glass slippers so you can feel like the true princess you are. In addition to that, I want to make sure the entire restaurant is staffed adequately so we can have at least seven servers on hand to roll your birthday cake out to you.  Also, are you allergic to monkeys, giraffes or elephants? If so, let me know as soon as possible so I can begin my search for hypoallergenic circus animals. Finally, I will need to know how old you are in order to have the correct number of candles and corresponding airplanes that will write out your name in the sky. As soon as you know if/when you will be at my restaurant for your birthday, Susan, please reach out to me by clicking here. I will give you the best service imaginable and make your birthday one you will never forget.

Happy birthday, Susan!


Found: the Most Offensive Business Cards Ever

I do not know who created this business card, but I want them to immediately go fuck themselves with a pair of stainless steel tongs that have been sitting in the bread warmer for too long. Sure, maybe it’s only a joke, but there are plenty of people who will buy these cards and then go out of their way to use them.

“Hey, the waitress forgot to bring the fifth lemon for my water. This is the day I can use one of those business cards!” or “I asked for my burger extra-extra well done, but the waiter brought it all burned. Good thing I have these fancy business cards to use!”

No, that’s fucked up. What kind of person goes out of their way to order pre-printed business cards in order to present them to a server when the service falls below expectations? An asshole, that’s who.

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No tip card (link in bio)

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I propose that we print our own business cards to give out to customers who treat us poorly and turn the tables on these bitches. Want some? Click here to order!

asshole business cards

Server Calls Out Customer Who Writes “I Don’t Tip Fags” on Receipt

A waitress named Michelle Crider was working her shift at at the Dash-In restaurant in Fort Wayne, Indiana this week when two men sat in her station and tried to ruin her day by being small-minded, bigoted, assholes. When they left the restaurant, Michelle saw they had not bothered to leave a tip, but they did leave a note on their receipt explaining why they made that decision. Scrawled at the top of the piece of paper were these words: “I don’t tip fags.”

Michelle went home and created a Facebook video explaining what happened and how she wasn’t going to let it upset her. She loves her job, loves the people she works with and is happy in her life. I won’t try to say it better than she did, so please watch this inspiring and completely honest response that she gave. And please watch until the end because the last two seconds are THE BEST:

Ironically, this video came out on the same day that I myself was called a fag on my Facebook page. It doesn’t bother me because people have been calling me names ever since third grade when a bunch of little assholes called me a sissy during a game of kickball, so being called a fag is old news. As a kid, it would make me cry but now it just pisses me off that people still think it’s okay to hate someone just because of who they love. When the guy called me a fag, I originally screenshot the comment and shared it, but my husband (in my same-sex marriage!) convinced me that it was immature, so I took it down. But here it is again with his full name redacted:

You can see how I initially responded to him and here is my additional response to Diz which, although not as thoughtful and well-spoken as Michelle’s video was, is pretty fucking perfect in it’s own way:My job is real t-shirt

If you don’t like gay people, that’s fine, but you don’t need to tell us that you don’t like us. Chances are we know that anyway. Just stay in your teeny, tiny orbit and we’ll stay in ours. I can tell you this though: the orbit that we live in is one that embraces diversity and love and positivity. Our orbit is the one that you will eventually want to live in if you ever want to be truly happy in your life. Until then, go suck on a black hole, assholes.

Oh, and if you want to buy that shirt, here it is.

Bitchy Waiter + Rap Video = THIS

Someone made a rap video about serving and they rapped about me and my book. I’m honored and slightly terrified because I thought the only way Bitchy Waiter would ever be referenced in a song would be in some off-off-Broadway experimental musical theater production that I wrote and produced myself.


But thank you to @skottyboyy for the shout out! And if anyone wants to buy my book you can click here.