Being a celebrity is hard, y’all. And being a new mom is hard too. When you put those two things together, life is near impossible. Case in point is country singer/reality star Jessie James Decker who squeezed a baby out of her womb a few weeks ago. (I’ve never heard of her, but I guess she’s famous…) According to her Facebook page, yesterday she was nursing Baby Photo Op and it made her real hungry. Like for real, for real. So she did what every new mother does who wants to fill her body with nutrition which will be passed on to her newborn and she ordered a Domino’s pizza. Well that pizza took too damn long (over an hour late, she claims) so she made Domino’s come back and get the pizza when they refused to comp it or discount it. That’s right, rather than just pay the $27.99, she had some driver come back and take the pizza away from her mansion so she could get her money back. (Please remember that she is married to a pro football player for the New York Jets, so I’m pretty sure she could afford the $27.99. He’s rich as fuck.) But the worst thing about all of this is that she had to eat cereal instead! Apparently, rich people have pantries just like I do: half-eaten bags of stale chips, expired canned food and boxes of cereal.
Judging by the time stamp of her Facebook post, it was about 9:45 PM on Sunday night when she announced her pity party of having to eat cereal for dinner. Maybe at that time everyone was watching the Emmy Awards and Domino’s was slammed with orders and couldn’t uphold their 30 minute guarantee. I looked at their website and it says that “Domino’s Pizza reserves the right to withdrawal the service guarantee without prior intimation.” In other words, they can take back that guarantee whenever the fuck they want to. It also says that “30 minutes or free is not applicable when restaurant operating conditions are not suitable, this will be announced at the time of taking the order.” So this begs the question: did they tell her that they could guarantee it in thirty minutes or not? We may never know.
What we do know is that a rich celebrity type wanted to eat a pizza and then when it didn’t get to her fast enough, she demanded it be returned and was forced to eat cereal instead. She got her $27.99 back! She then posted this horrible news onto her Facebook page in order to gain sympathy and that was my cue to jump in and stand up for the food service industry.
Domino’s, don’t you worry. Jessie James Decker may never order a pizza from you again, but you’ll be fine. Most of us in the food service industry will understand if things take a bit longer than normal and we forgive you. The next time she wants a pizza, maybe she will ask her housekeeper, chef, nanny, pool boy, chauffeur, gardener, assistant or someone else on her payroll to make her one. In the meantime, she will have to subsist on a diet of Lucky Charms, Honey Nut Cheerios and Trix. I guess my real problem with this is that she didn’t just refuse the pizza, but she made them come back to retrieve it. That’s just rude.
It’s hard being a celebrity. Really hard. Like for real, for real.