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Waitress Bitch Slaps Child

bitchslapA 64-year old waitress, Veronica Peal, was in some hot water recently when she apparently “bitch slapped” a toddler who was eating in the restaurant she worked in. Peal has worked in MacGyver’s Pub of Bloomington, Indiana for over twenty years. Earlier this week, Mary and Todd Bobonner came into the restaurant with their 7-year old boy, Conner. The boy immediately demanded a grilled cheese sandwich. “He didn’t say ‘please’ or anything,” said Peal. “That really grinds my gears, you know? Parents these days don’t feel like they have to teach their children any manners.” Peal, brought the little boy the sandwich and again had her gears ground when there was no thank you. Mr. and Mrs. Bobonner, who were both busy looking at their iPhones, did not encourage their offspring to acknowledge the waitress who was just trying to do her job and maybe get a little bit of respect at the same time. “I brought out his sandwich first, but he was done eating it before the parents got their food. So as they ate, they let him run around the restaurant like a damn chicken with his head cut off,” says Peal.

Several other guests began to complain to Peal about the unruly child and the manager was even asked to intervene. When Conner climbed on a booth and sang the “Happy Birthday” song at the top of his lungs to his imaginary friend Turtle Lips, the veteran took matters into her own hands. “I marched right over to him and smacked his face and that shut him right up.”

This is when the parents finally got involved claiming “he was just being a kid.” They used their iPhones for something other than the Internet and promptly called the police. Officer Darrell Fingerhut arrived on the scene shortly and assessed the situation. After interviewing both the waitress and the parents, Fingerhut determined there were no charges to be pressed. Said Fingergut, “If the parents aren’t going to control their kids, then somebody else has to step up to do it. This waitress is a goddamn hero in my eyes.”

The Bobonners were escorted out of the restaurant to the loud cheers of several customers. Peal left with more tips than she has made all week. “I don’t feel bad about smacking him really. I just feel like kids need to learn some manners these days and if I’m the one to teach them then so be it.”

For the rest of the story, please click here.

This Politician Does Not Think We Deserve Tips

14877701_10101969640184187_610064782_nWith our presidential election only days away, we know that our country is divided. The only two groups of people who have a greater wedge between them than Hillary Clinton supporters and Donald Trump supporters are the FOH and the BOH. However, I did find one political candidate that I bet we can all agree to hate.

Allow me to introduce Chris Payne who is running for U.S. Senator in Kentucky. 13238993_1750964035144618_8072835749828047685_nHe is running on the Independent ticket meaning that Republicans and Democrats can all hate him equally. I am not sure where he stands on the big issues like government spending, equal rights, a woman’s right to choose, global warming and other hot button issues that normally come into focus when choosing a candidate to vote for. I do know one thing that he stands for and it is enough for me to know that this man does not deserve a seat in the Kentucky senate. He has an official Chris Payne for U.S. Senate Facebook page as well as a personal one, both of which are open to the public. On his personal Facebook page he said:

Restaurant Service Industry workers act like its the responsibility of customers to make sure they get paid.


Learn a skill that’s more useful than bring plates and liquids to a table and you will get paid more.

If you can be replaced by a Kiosk or an iPad, you probably are barely worth the $2.13/hr your employer is legally obligated to pay you.

Okay, let me take a deep breath here, because that shit pisses me off. First off, he chicken shitted out and changed the comment so you can’t see it on his page anymore. (God bless screen shots.) Unless Chris Payne is going to hop, skip and jump into the senate and create some miracle law where servers are paid $23 an hour, he needs to face the fact that we live in a country where servers depend on tips for their wages. Besides, you know this pie face would be the first one to complain when his order of Crispy Brewhouse Chicken at Applebee’s would cost 20% more. Secondly, if everyone who currently works in a restaurant suddenly learned a “more useful skill,” who the fuck does he think is going to bring him his goddamn Salsa Verde Beef Nachos with extra spicy queso blanco that matches his pasty white skin? Thirdly, we servers are rightfully going to complain when we don’t get the tip we deserve. I have never said that we deserve a tip when we give bad service. All I have ever said is that when we do our job well, we expect the customer to fulfill the social obligation of tipping. It is a social contract that you “sign” when you decide to go to a restaurant and have someone cook your food, carry it to you and then clean up afterwards. It’s a luxury to go out to eat. It is not a luxury to be a server. Therefore, tip us.

None of us have to worry that Chris Payne will ever make it to the senate. He ran in 2014 and got just 1.5% of the vote, which is probably more than he tips. I just wanted to bring his views to the attention of anyone who reads this blog so that if you happen to see him in your section you will know that he will not be leaving you a tip. You, in turn, can then feel free to crop dust him until your bowels are empty of all noxious fumes. If he asks for more bread, tell him he’s probably had enough because his face already looks like an open faced sandwich. If he complains that his vegetables are dry, tell him to wipe some of that oil off his forehead with a bev nap and wring it out onto his broccoli.

If you want to let him know your thoughts on his views about servers, here is a link to his Facebook page. (It looks like all comments must be approved by a moderator, so I doubt anything you write will ever get posted.)

Good luck with the KY senate race, Chris Payne. And speaking of KY, you’re gonna need it because you’re gonna get fucked.k-y-jelly-ointment-1386366833

Waiter Pens Song About Mean Customer

screen-shot-2016-10-21-at-8-10-53-amAll of us who wait tables have to find ways to vent our frustrations. Whether it be by complaining to your best friend in the side stand, punching a slab of meat in the walk in cooler or writing a blog that you then put onto your Facebook page that has almost 500,000 followers, it is necessary. After all, when a table of five shows up two minutes before closing, stays for an hour after they pay the check and then leaves you a 5% tip, we have to find a way to release that anger or else our brains would explode and we’d have to pay the busser and extra five dollars to help clean up the mess. However you decide to vent, it’s okay. It helps us prepare for the next horrible person who will inevitably sit in our section.

Please meet musician and server Joel Tyler who used his musical talents to craft a song about a very rude woman who sat in his station. Says Joel, “You know what? I’m not gonna talk crap about her. I’m above it. But then I realized, no I’m not, no I’m not. I will.” He then proceeds to sing a song about all the things he hopes will happen to this mean, mean woman.

You see? Bitching about your customers creates art!

Waitress Receives Note With Ridiculous Advice Instead of a Tip

14702433_10207635092531776_6200157557141035776_nWhen you work at Cracker Barrel in South Carolina, I suppose you are prepared to serve all kinds of people who have injected cream gravy directly into their veins. It’s like heroin down there, right? Well this week, a couple of cream gravy addicts rolled their asses into Cracker Barrel for their daily allowance of sugar cured ham and hash brown casserole and decided that, instead of leaving a monetary tip for their waitress, they would bestow some 1950’s advice scrawled out onto a bev nap. The photo was sent to me by a few people and it needs to be addressed. It’s pretty surprising.

Dear Renee, thank you for your excelent service today. Your a good waitress.

Heres your tip:

The womans place is in the home. You’re place is in the home. It even says so in the Bible. You may think that your contributing to your household by coming into work, but your not. While your in here “working” this is the reason your husband must see another women on his way home from a long day at his work. Because you should be home taking care of the household duties. You may think what you are doing “working” is right, it is really essentially a disgrace to his manhood and to the American family. So instead of coming to your “job” and looking for hand out’s to feed your family, hows about going home and cleaning your house and cooking a hot meal for your husband and children, the way you’re husband and God intended, and help make America great again. Praying for families and our nation.

The Watley’s

I don’t even know where to begin, so I will just bullet post this:

  • Learn how to spell.
  • Enough with the Bible thumping.You can have your beliefs, but it does not mean everyone has to share them.
  • It’s 2016, Mr and Mrs. Watley. Women can do whatever they want, including working.
  • I bet Mrs. Watley has missionary sex once a week with her husband and she looks at it as a chore, just like doing laundry, scrubbing the floors and making a roasted chicken every Friday night.
  • Why are the words working and job in quotes? WAITING TABLES IS A REAL FREAKING JOB!
  • If God intended women to stay home and cook meals and clean house, then why did He give them brains enough to realize that is total bullshit?
  • Make America Great Again? It suddenly makes sense. Making America great again, for some people, means going backwards in time.

I wonder if this gets shared enough will the Watley’s ever see it? I bet Mrs. Watley will never see it because her husband thinks computers are only for men who do important things on them like spreadsheets and business analysis. She’s only allowed to watch her stories.

To the waitress who received this, I am sorry you had to serve these people. But thank you for sharing it so we can be reminded that no matter how far ahead we move as a civilization, there will always be a few people who are determined to keep us living in the past.

If you like this blog, I hope you will click here to buy my book, The Bitchy Waiter!


College Student Too Broke To Tip

14694752_10207527737140248_2025290532_nDear Poor, Broke College Student,

I know that tuition is expensive and so are books. I know that it can be hard to scrape together enough money to be able to afford a semester in college and still have enough money for other necessary things like rent, groceries, your phone bill and all that beer that you drink. I feel for you, I really do. But of you go out to eat at a restaurant, you need to make sure you have enough money to be able to pay your bill and tip your freaking waitress. Deducting $5.00 from your check and writing “sorry college” does not excuse you from the basic requirements of dining out.

Next time you register for classes, maybe you should skip signing up for a botany class because you think it will be an easy science credit. Don’t bother taking a theater class to fill your arts requirements. Delve deep into that course catalog and find this class:

Economics: Introductory Course

ECO 10000

Basic restaurant concepts and thought; issues and policy. How to treat your server, how to tip and how to be a decent fucking human being. Recommended as a first course for students with no prior courses in economics and have no idea what it’s like to wait tables.
Not open to students who have taken or are currently enrolled in ECO 20000 or 20100 or their equivalents. Also not open to students who have waited tables before, because they probably already fucking get that you tip your goddamn server, asshole.
3 hrs3 cr.

Did you stop to think that maybe your waitress was also in college and planned on using the tip that she deserved to pay for the same things that you need your money for? And if she wasn’t in college, maybe she was planning to use that money to, you know, pay for life. No one wants to go to work for free. If the service was bad, then absolutely, your server does not deserve a 20% tip. But just because your broke ass already blew through this month’s allowance from Mommy and Daddy is no reason that the server should have to suffer. And deducting part of the bill is equivalent to stealing. I think if the police were called, it would be considered “theft of services” and you would have found that five extra dollars right quick.

People, if you can’t afford to tip, then you can’t afford to eat out. The bill was almost $80. That does not imply that you are struggling to get by by with Top Ramen and Pop-Tarts. That tells us that you went to a restaurant with $75 in your wallet and spent every last cent of it. The next time you want to go out to eat, skip the fucking appetizer or second cocktail and give that money to the person who is doing their job to make your dining experience a good one.

Mustard and Mayo,
The Bitchy Waiter

p.s. I hope you actually see this blog post so you will know how many people think you’re a cheap asshole.

p.p.s. BUY MY BOOK.

9 Times To Tell Your Customer “Bye Felicia”

  1. When you ask how your customer is and they answer with “Diet Coke.”635957645906985185-356156603_yearitch
  2. When two or more people are arguing over who is going to pay the check and you legit just want to swipe the damn credit card already and move on.635957312113531475-1309068995_byebye
  3. When someone tells you their coffee is ice cold but you know you made it about two damn minutes
  4. When someone tells you they can’t have dairy, gluten, soy, sugar, carbs or salt and then complain that the food tastes bland.giphy
  5. When you close at 11:00 and you see someone tapping at the door at 11:01.6359574058290046551362147066_byefelicia
  6. When your customer asks for a cup of hot water to soak their silverware in even though the cup went through the same damn dishwasher the silverware did. raw
  7. When someone complains that it’s been 30 minutes since they ordered their food but you look at the computer and can see it’s only been 12. tumblr_o695e8mdfq1vst49wo1_500
  8. When your table tells you they know the owner and think that’s going to mean something.f21
  9. When a customer gets upset that you charged them a dollar extra for bacon and they get so pissed off and tell you they are never coming back.6359573059931419581434703904_byef

By the way, have you bought The Bitchy Waiter book? Full of more great stories and even more bitching. Click here!