Category Archives: home sweet home

Time To Go Home

My tables would not leave a few nights ago. One of my favorite managers of all time, Sherill, used to say “You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.” So for those customers who don’t get it, here are a few signs that it might be time to pack your ass up and get the hell out of the restaurant:

  • you are the last customer in the restaurant
  • the waiters are blowing out the candles
  • every table except yours has been cleared of everything
  • chairs are being put on top of tables so the floor can be mopped
  • the floor is being mopped
  • the ambient music has either been turned off completely or switched to heavy metal, country western or musical theater and turned up really really loud
  • the kitchen crew is eating their dinner at a table next to you
  • your waiter is sitting at the bar having a cocktail (this does not necessarily apply if your waiter is The Bitchy Waiter, for that could happen at any time of day)
  • your server is standing next to your table with his arms crossed and he is tapping his foot
  • there is a sign on the door that says “we are closed and the only reason we are still here is because the dick at table 33 won’t leave”
  • you see the morning crew arrive and start to make coffee and put jelly caddies on the table
  • last call was more than two hours ago
  • Sherrill walks around the restaurant and says “you don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.”

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