Today is the two year anniversary of The Bitchy Waiter. Yes, time flies when I am bitching. In the two years that I have been writing, I have managed to come up with 378 topics and what you are reading right now is number 379. At this moment, there are 3,460 fans on Facebook and 2,812 followers on blogspot. Incredible. I looked up the traditional anniversary gifts to see what I should be expecting for gifts and I was rather disappointed. The traditional gift to give for a second anniversary is something made of cotton. The modern gift is china. Both of these sucks. When I think of cotton, I think of fabric that makes me think of dinner napkins which makes me think of working in a restaurant. Fuck that gift. When I think of china of course it makes me think of clearing tables of plates. Fuck that gift too. Maybe I should consider this a birthday instead of anniversary. So I did a little research to see what the average two-year old should be up to and this is what I found. A two year old should be able to:
- walk alone (like they do in my station).
- pull toys behind him (like they do in my station).
- climb onto and down from furniture unassisted (like they do in my fucking station).
- dump things out of containers (like they do to my sugar caddies in my mother fucking goddamn station).
Forget it, I can’t go on. I hate two-year olds. So for my anniversary/birthday there is something I want. I don’t want you to all sing “Happy Birthday” to me as you present me with a partially frozen birthday cake that has a candle in it that someone found in the back of the drawer. I want more fans. If everyone who reads this could just convince one other person to “like” me on Facebook maybe I could reach 5,000 by the end of the year. Is that too much to ask? Or share this link with someone so I can get double the traffic today. Is that too hard to do? Or maybe you can click here and show me your love in another way.
Seriously, thank you for reading. It still baffles me that anyone reads this blog at all, but to know that so many people do read makes me happy almost everyday. I thank each and every one of you. You are all great. (Except Penelope. She is a dried up twat face who can eat my pud.)
The Bitchy Waiter