Okay, okay, okay. I fucked up. I am not one of those people who can’t admit his mistakes and in my last blog post I did a disservice to Chili’s. I implied they were being dishonest with their calculated tip suggestions because of a photo someone posted onto Chili’s Facebook page. According to the photo, the the tip suggestions were off by quite a bit.
Well, you guys let me have it and rightfully so. Most people seem to believe that the gratuity guide was based on the original total before any discounts or before the check had been split. The woman who originally posted the photo said she had no discounts, but she never said that she hadn’t split the bill with someone else. I suppose I should have attempted to see the whole receipt before I blogged, but I failed to do so.
This is my heartfelt apology to Chili’s:
Look, I’m sorry, Chili’s. Sometimes, my blog thirsty brain jumps to conclusions and drags someone or something thorough the mud without a thorough investigation. It’s my fault and I wish I hadn’t done that. Surely, you care about your customers more than I implied that you do and you would never cheat them out of anything. I should have known that if you were going to be dishonest with your customers and cheat them out of money that you would have done that so it would line your own pockets and not the aprons of your servers. Silly me. I wish I could make it up to you. If there was a Chili’s near me, I would go there now and order some Crispy Cheddar Bites followed by a Honey-Chipotle Half Order of Ribs. I would wash it down with two or three of your famous margaritas and then for dessert I’d eat a Skillet Chocolate Chip Cookie and then tip my server 40%. Then, when I got home and pooped it all out, I’d think of you as I watched it swirl away goodbye in my toilet. I did you wrong, Chili’s and I’m sorry. I’ve never admitted this, but you were one of my first dates with my husband 27 years ago. Then, a few weeks later, that’s where I broke up with him. Don’t worry, we got back together and everything, but Chili’s was an important part of my life back in the early 90’s. I shouldn’t have treated you so poorly. I hope you will accept my apology. By the way, please don’t take this to mean that I will never publicly trash you again, because I probably will. It’s just the next time I do it, I’ll make sure you deserve it.
Mustard and Mayo,
The Bitchy Waiter