Attention, attention! This is a news alert about Nate who will no longer be going to Olive Garden. Yes, that’s right, after 17 years of being a loyal follower of bread sticks, Tuscan soup and all things Italian, Nate has made the bold choice to never return again. Nate is upset that Olive Garden has taken Chicken Marsala, the best food item they’ve ever had, off the menu.
Olive Garden servers across the country are in deep mourning over this news and for one week, they will be allowed to ditch their regular uniforms and wear all black instead. Although a black uniform may not be ideal when it comes to hiding cream sauce spills, the mourning is more important than the hiding of stains. Nate’s threat to boycott his favorite restaurant is sure to be taken seriously by the top brass of Olive Garden because how can a huge restaurant corporation be expected to carry on without the financial and moral support of one man named Nate?
As Nate patiently waits for his demands to be met, he will have to find some other place to get his Chicken Marsala fix. Some people are addicted to opioids, some are tied to the bottle and some are a slave to crack cocaine, but Nate is a prisoner to chicken and mushrooms in a wine sauce. Be strong, Nate. Please know that there are so many of us hoping that Olive Garden hears your plea and soon puts it back on the menu. To you we send out our thoughts, prayers, good karma, well wishes, positive vibes and a coupon for a Bertolli Chicken Marsala & Roasted Redskin Potatoes skillet meal for two.
In the meantime, the tears will be strong. We all feel your pain and know what a difficult time this is for you. And to Olive Garden, I say this: for the love of God, please put Chicken Marsala back on the menu. If not for Nate, then for those of us don’t work at Olive Garden, because until you put it back on the menu, we will be the ones who have to deal with him at our restaurants. Do the right thing. Put it back on the menu. Save us from Nate.