I Need a New Job

I am currently seeking a new serving position because the restaurant I have worked at for the past seven years will soon be closing. I can offer you 15+ years of NYC restaurant experience. I am a team player who has become an expert at multi-tasking, prioritizing, foresight and the ability to stay calm while in a stressful situation, all the while ensuring that my customers receive a warm and welcoming dining experience. The job needs to be in New York City, preferably close to the 7 train.

Ideally, my new job won’t mind that I run a Facebook page called Bitchy Waiter and I also blog, Tweet, and Instagram about what happens to me at work. It is absolutely necessary that my phone stays with me throughout the shift so that notes can be taken at any time. Also, an occasional Facebook Live video or Instagram story will probably happen in the walk-in cooler. In addition, photographs will need to happen while at work to document the goings on of a typical serving shift. My new employer must accept that.

As for availability, I have Thursday. Just Thursday. I would prefer a lunch shift, but would consider a dinner shift as long as the restaurant closes at 10:00, maybe 11:00, depending on the neighborhood the restaurant is located in and how long it will take me to get home on the subway. If the restaurant is open later than that, I am not able to close. Ever. I will also be unavailable to pick up shifts for others, but would occasionally need someone to pick up for me. In a pinch, I can consider working an additional day, but it really depends on what else I have going on that week and how much I like the person who needs their shift covered. Overall, it’s pretty doubtful.

If you hire me and you would like free publicity, I am happy to let my readers know where I am working and which shift I will be there. (Thursday. See above.) Seeing that I have almost 750K followers on Facebook and a very large following on Twitter and Instagram, this could be a wonderful benefit for your restaurant, bringing in tens of people per year who would want to sit in the section of The Bitchy Waiter.

Don’t worry, I’m much nicer in real life than my blog and online personae would suggest. Want to hire me! Contact me! Thank you.

5 thoughts on “I Need a New Job

  1. Mel

    If I had the dinero to beat your old salary…I would totally hire you just to be my full-time personal comedian/entertainer/all-around joke-teller/story-weaver/fanfic-producer/fun gay friend because I need to laugh and get the feels AT LEAST five times per day, lest I go crazy and eat a shit ton of starchy food and end up bloated, combative and angry.

    But I’m a broke bitch, so I guess I’ll just settle for reading posts here when available, as I do now.

    Reply

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