Enough with the stupid fucking notes scrawled out onto bev naps, customers. We don’t want them, nor do we need them. And the notes we hate the most are the ones that explain to us why you decided to go against our cultural norm and not leave us a tip. If you aren’t planning on leaving a tip, a note isn’t going to change our mind about you. We’re gonna hate you. Save yourself the trouble of trying to put words together in a cohesive fashion, save the ink and save us from having to pick up one more piece of garbage from your table. The note doesn’t make it better and no landlord is going to accept that note in lieu of rent so what is the purpose of it other than to make yourselves feel better about how cheap you are? And most of the times, the notes are going to make you look stupid.
For instance, this note:
Amazing service! I am so sorry we forgot cash, but thank you so much.
Don’t give us this bullshit line about not having cash to leave as a tip after you just put a big fat zero on the tip line. It tells us two things: you’re stupid and you’re cheap. And by the way, underlining the words “so much” doesn’t mean we don’t still have to to tip out our support staff and pay taxes on our sales. So, fuck you.
And what about this gem:
Here’s your tip!…Dont work @ a mexican restraunt…your white.
So many things wrong here. First off, if you’re going to leave a smart ass note, at least know how to spell the words you’re using. If you can’t spell “restaurant” maybe use simpler words like “diner” or “eating place.” And it’s “you’re.” For the love of god, what is so complicated about contractions? (A contraction is a word made by shortening and combining two words. Most of us learn them in elementary school, but this asshole must’ve been out sick in second, third, fourth and fifth grade.) And why can’t a “white” person work in a Mexican restaurant? I’m half Mexican and worked in a Mexican restaurant, but was that wrong? Should I have only worked part-time? Or maybe I should have only done my job half-assed. (Full disclosure: I did). Methinks that whoever wrote this note would have left a Mexican server the same tip with a different, poorly-written note.
And if you are a customer who absolutely insists on leaving notes for your server, I have one for you:
Just A Poor Server
Until the day comes where I can start paying for my never-ending bills by handwriting them a note saying how awesome they are, but I just don’t have the cash on me, or by telling them to their faces and then paying them $1, I will not appreciate any note unless it’s accompanied with an appropriate tip.
Call me selfish? Go ahead, I am working to pay bills, NOT for fun.
I appreciate the compliments, really I do, but they don’t help me out any. Half the time they tell me and then leave it at that. I feel good, but my bills still need to be paid. Even if they tell my manager how good I was, all I ever get is a free meal. Which is nice, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not like they give me extra sections or hours. The manager may swing better sections my way, but that’s because I’m an awesome server and he knows it.
I LOVE seeing people slink away before I get back to the table to process their payment. Tells me you aren’t man/woman enough to face me with your lousy tip or well-meaning note. If you’re gonna do that, tell me from the get-go. You’ll get served, but it won’t be my best. Because that’s all you think I’m worth in the end.
Alaskan fire bunny
One of the worst I have seen is at a place I worked at that has a chalkboard in the ladies restroom. It’s meant to be a fun community board, but now and then there would be a note such as, “my steak was overcooked,” or “I hated my cocktail,” yet no effort was made to inform the staff that they were unhappy. Had they told their server directly, it could have been rectified immediately. Instead they chose to write their complaint in the bathroom?? Makes no sense to me.
Jacqi
Keep your tips for your server… write those bullshit notes for your PASTOR.
Fuck, people are such assholes. If you can’t afford to tip, hit up a fast-food joint.
Alan
Right!!? Trying to alleviate any guilt you might be feeling by not tipping? Talk to your minister, priest, rabbi, etc..
April
The ONE time that I did not bring enough cash to tip a server after I ate (and before I had a debit card), I told her in person and asked when she worked next was. Then I brought her a tip then (and upped it by a lot to make up for it) I know she didn’t believe me when I told her that I would be back, and she probably hated me for a little while, but at least I was brave enough to tell her AND I followed through.
Decency. it’s not hard
Taanja
Right! WTF is the note thing? It does NOT pay my bills.
Oh and bitchy– I love your blog. Seriously.
Melissa
Just when I think you absolutely can not give a better response to someone… THIS!! I mean, you could probably win a Nobel Prize for this awesomeness I just read. Or whatever the award is that you get for writing really good shit. Good luck topping yourrself on this one!
sara beo
whenever i see a customer has chosen the cowardly route of leaving a little bittle wittle whiny note, i make sure to toss it straight in the trash without reading it. yes, i am usually curious what it said, but it’s too satisfying to know their effort was all for nothing. usually i point out to all my co-workers that “table 1” were cowards and went the note-leaving route. we’ll say stuff like “hey, did they look like the type to pull this dumb move?” and the answer is usually…yeppers!