Enough with the stupid fucking notes scrawled out onto bev naps, customers. We don’t want them, nor do we need them. And the notes we hate the most are the ones that explain to us why you decided to go against our cultural norm and not leave us a tip. If you aren’t planning on leaving a tip, a note isn’t going to change our mind about you. We’re gonna hate you. Save yourself the trouble of trying to put words together in a cohesive fashion, save the ink and save us from having to pick up one more piece of garbage from your table. The note doesn’t make it better and no landlord is going to accept that note in lieu of rent so what is the purpose of it other than to make yourselves feel better about how cheap you are? And most of the times, the notes are going to make you look stupid.
For instance, this note:
Don’t give us this bullshit line about not having cash to leave as a tip after you just put a big fat zero on the tip line. It tells us two things: you’re stupid and you’re cheap. And by the way, underlining the words “so much” doesn’t mean we don’t still have to to tip out our support staff and pay taxes on our sales. So, fuck you.
And what about this gem:
So many things wrong here. First off, if you’re going to leave a smart ass note, at least know how to spell the words you’re using. If you can’t spell “restaurant” maybe use simpler words like “diner” or “eating place.” And it’s “you’re.” For the love of god, what is so complicated about contractions? (A contraction is a word made by shortening and combining two words. Most of us learn them in elementary school, but this asshole must’ve been out sick in second, third, fourth and fifth grade.) And why can’t a “white” person work in a Mexican restaurant? I’m half Mexican and worked in a Mexican restaurant, but was that wrong? Should I have only worked part-time? Or maybe I should have only done my job half-assed. (Full disclosure: I did). Methinks that whoever wrote this note would have left a Mexican server the same tip with a different, poorly-written note.
And if you are a customer who absolutely insists on leaving notes for your server, I have one for you: