Woman Under Mistaken Impression That Server Cares About 22-Month Old Baby

Look at this note that someone gave to their server because they thought that a 22-month old baby deserved some special attention from a restaurant. The note is ridiculous for so many reasons but let me just point out a few of them.

  • Who the fuck celebrates a 22-month anniversary of a birth? Just wait two more months and call it a second birthday. And why do parents feel the need to tell us the age of a baby in months? At what age does that officially stop? Just say he’s almost two, we’ll get it. (By the way, on September 29th, I’ll be 604 months old.)
  • I love how the person had to write it down on paper and pass it to the server as if someone at the table might have heard her say it out loud and then ruin the surprise for the baby.
  • Isn’t it adorable that she wants a “small” cupcake or brownie? Not a regular size cupcake or brownie that might be on the menu and therefore cost money, but one of the “small” cupcakes that every restaurant has hidden away in a back stock room just in case a 22-month old baby comes in to celebrate. Also, I have never worked in a restaurant that has cupcakes on the menu, small or otherwise. You’re not at a bakery, lady.
  • And are we pretending that an almost two-year-old is going to fully appreciate a candle on a cupcake? This baby doesn’t know what a birthday is and it’s NOT EVEN IT’S BIRTHDAY. It’s just some random fucking Tuesday with someone trying to add importance to it.
  • “He’s 22 months today” cracks me up because she feels the need to clarify that today is the day. As if celebrating 21 months and 29 days would just be stupid or something. I can just imagine how excited the staff was to gather around a baby to sing happy birthday to it and then realize in the middle of the song that it makes no sense, because it’s not a birthday.

Lady, the baby doesn’t give a shit about turning twenty-two months old and neither do we. Seriously, I could not give you any shit. Even if I had a huge bucket of shit, like one of those 5-gallon orange ones from Home Depot that was full of it, I still wouldn’t give it to you. I could be holding that big bucket of shit, straining every muscle in my body because a 5-gallon bucket of shit would be really, really heavy, and I still wouldn’t give it to you. That is how much of a shit I don’t give.

Get over yourself.

121 thoughts on “Woman Under Mistaken Impression That Server Cares About 22-Month Old Baby

  1. Sean P. Farley

    My god. I have a 5 year old. Well, she’s really 58 months, but whatever. See, she’s not quite 4 1/2, but she’s not quite 5, but you know what? I just round that shit up. AND, you know what else? I wouldn’t dare use her birthday as some special reason to request extra attention. I’d go to Chuck E. Cheese or some other bullshit chain that I planned in advance (heaven help me when that day comes). I work in a restaurant with partial service – customers order at the register but everything after that is all server-based. More times than I care to count have I had a guest ask me to “bring out something special with a candle on it,”or, “I brought this cake, could you just come out in about a half hour with your staff and sing happy birthday?” Um…no. This isn’t Applebee’s. Christ, it’s so infuriating! P.S. do you still need/want a guest blogger? 🙂

    Reply
  2. Lisa-Marie Mathieu

    This is just mean. Sometimes 1st time parents celebrate every month of their child’s life. I usually enjoy your humor but this is just cheap bitching. BTW I’m a great restaurant guest, never ever tip under 20%, always ask for the manager when we get good service so the employee can get recognition, but seriously this post sucks bad.

    Reply
    1. Megan

      First time parents are entitled to celebrate every meaningless milestone but do it at home. The rest of the world doesn’t care.

      Reply
    2. Barb

      Dear ENtitled,
      Parents who wish to celebrate baby’s 22 month anniversary can do it at home where someone gives a crap. The rest of the world doesn’t. Nothing mean about it at all.

      Reply
    3. Tammy Waynette

      Stupid breeders. Ugh. Just because a needy, loud, financially draining shit machine fell out off your crotch 22 months ago you want a free dessert and some attention? You know what else gives birth? RATS!
      Stop thinking your brat’s birth is a miracle or something.

      Reply
        1. Amanda

          Do you know the meaning of the word ignorant? A person is ignorant when they don’t realize the rest of the world doesn’t give a crap about their nasty crotch fruit.

          Reply
      1. Erica

        Yikes. I get that this is a page specifically dedicated to bitching and all,but comparing kids to rats? Really? A lot of people have a hard time having children. As a “stupid breeder” myself I know how much joy a child can add to life.

        Reply
        1. Amanda

          She was making the point that having a kid isn’t special to anyone but the people involved. To the rest of the world your kid isn’t a miracle. And she wasn’t comparing kids to rats, she was comparing human birth to rat birth.

          Reply
      2. Jay to the Bee

        Wow. That was harsh. “Stupid breeder?” The thing about this post that I agree with is that people INSIST on celebrating every tiny milestone, and it gives less importance to the major milestones that are worth celebrating. Unless the kid has some terminal disease and it’s uncertain if she’ll make her next birthday, people really need to get over themselves and their misgiven sense of entitlement.

        Reply
      3. Heather

        I agree you shouldn’t expect your ideas of monthly birthdays to be honored at a restaurant. You should do it at home. However, the birth of a child is a miracle. And for some who have tried for years and years it’s a dream. Please be mindful of saying hateful things to people. That could very well be a child they struggled to conceive for years, and is their miracle baby.

        Reply
        1. Caroline

          In 2014, an average of 353,000 babies were born every day around the world.

          A miracle isn’t something that happens 353,000 a day.

          Reply
          1. Elsewhere1010

            In 2015, an average of 3,456,324 got laid every day around.

            But when it happens to you, it’s a miracle. Trust me. Particularly if it’s good.

      4. melissa

        I’m going to assume you don’t have kids.. good thing to.
        Not all kids are brats and please show me where they ask for a free dessert and some attention?
        She asked privately, she said can you bring a small cup cake or brownie not can we have a free dessert.
        so you need to get the hell over yourself.

        Reply
      5. Skyy

        I couldn’t agree more. Children are born everyday and at this rate we are pretty overpopulated. Pretty soon admitting you bred a child into a resource-less world will be shamed upon. The only time I care is if the child is sick and dying, they DO deserve respect for those birthdays because they are the only ones they’ll have. Everyone else can shove it up their butts because being alive isn’t all that special unless you have waayyyy limited time on planet earth. Anyone who thinks their baby is special is just someone with a very small view of the world. It doesn’t even matter if it took you long to have one or if you can’t have any and had to adopt. It’s not the worlds fault you are inadequate. You’re the small number of millions who have children freely. You don’t get rights to special treatment because it took you longer. Freaking adopt. If I turn out I can’t have kids I have already decided i’d adopt. If you have so much respect for people who took so long and put so much money into a child instead of picking up any other child possible on this planet without a parent…..you defiantly don’t deserve celebration.

        Reply
    4. Andy

      shut the fuck up, lisa. no one cares about how “great of a restaurant guest” you are, and no one cares about the 22 month old baby either.

      Reply
    5. Nikky

      I mean… A private “woo hoo!” every month up to the first year and maybe at like 18 months I get, but I know literally zero people IRL who think “22 months” is cupcake-worthy. I’m at the age where 87% of the people I know are first time parents and I’m also one of six children with a whole mess of children’s parties in my past, so presumably I’d have been around for at least one 1-2/3rds birthday party.

      As the first time mom of a 63-month-old, it’s stupid.

      Reply
    6. Melissa

      Lol!! Being a guest and being a server are 2 totally different things! I understand first time parents, as I was one! Maybe as the parents, you can go to your grocery store and buy a small brownie or cupcake, and put a candle on it and sing Happy 22 months of birth! You out know it does cost the restaurant money to give away “free” food, and your plus 20% tip to your server, doesn’t pay for that brownie!! Geeezzzz!! Lol

      Reply
    7. FTM

      First time parent here. My son is 9 months old. You bet your ass that when he turns one, he will be just that, one. Not 12 months old, bit 1 year. Also I do not celebrate every month he gets older. I may celebrate milestones, like his first word, first steps, first time eating food on his own. Yet never the fact that he is a few to couple months shy of his actual birthday. If I want to be that weird I can do that at home. I will not feel so entitled as to force a restaurant to do anything special for my child, especially when it’s not even his birthday. Like seriously!?

      Reply
      1. Erin

        Haha. You say this but come back and tell me at 15 months if it is sticking. Particularly as you look for clothes sized 12 to 18 months or 18 to 24 months. The reason people use months after a year is because the development of a 22 month baby that is expected to understand basic commands, walk, say a few words, etc. and a 14 month baby who is about to start walking is large. Celebrating a 22 month birthday is dumb. Asking for a cupcake is dumb. She should have just asked “if you could bring my kid a birthday dessert it would soothe the meltdown coming on, and I know you’d prefer it if he didn’t throw his juice on the floor. Obviously we will pay but I can’t say the word brownie out loud without an immediate problem if the brownie is not in front of him.” Because that is the heart of the ask.

        Reply
    8. Patti

      Really?? This woman is ridiculous. Restaurant staff is BUSY!! Always busy. They are not standing around waiting to entertain.

      Reply
    9. April

      You are out of control. I’m a brand new mama and I think the request and your opinion of the article is ridiculous. Get ahold of yourself! If it’s not an ACTUAL birthday, don’t bother your server. Thank you and have a nice day.

      Reply
    10. Kimber

      22 months is not a milestone. Babies are fucking cute and all, but it’s still not a milestone. And especially not worthy of a fiery cupcake or brownie. BTW I’m a great restaurant guest, never ever tip under 20%, always ask for the manager when we get good service so the employee can get recognition, but seriously your comment sucks bad.

      Reply
    11. KELl

      So you hassle the manager to tell them the server did their job correctly? Just leave a good tip and stop bothering people. You seem very rude.

      Reply
    12. Bob Smith

      Pat yourself on the back some more why don’t ya…. Who gives a flying f*ck about what you said or think. I bet you ain’t as great as you think you are.

      Reply
    13. Joscelin

      Then let them celebrate at home and not go out expecting the earth to stop rotating for their ‘special’ day. No matter how great a customer you THINK you are, your response to this post outs you and as an asshole who doesn’t give a single shit about people in customer service.

      Reply
    14. trillian

      “…this is just cheap bitching.”

      It’s… called… “the Bitchy Waiter.”

      The. Bitchy. Waiter.

      Waiter. Who Bitches. He’s bitching. On a blog about bitching.

      Reply
      1. Jo

        THANK YOU!!!! I guess people fail to see that. People will post shit that not everyone is going to agree with. Read the story and laugh or shut the fuck up and move on. Tough titties.

        Reply
    15. Hardy

      blog is called BITCHY WAITER – so bitching is requested and appreciated.
      also: I have 3kids, 8years, 5years and 65days old.
      I would never request shit (or similar) like that.
      ORDER from the menu, then ask or for a fucking candle in it, pay for it!
      No other industry gets more requests than service industry, I envy airlines, they can just punch them in the face and get away with it.

      Reply
    16. cat

      literally every single person who has worked in a restaurant gets how insanely ridiculous this is. this is like a joke. ok, weird 1st time parent, celebrate your kid’s fake birthday at home. don’t ask for free shit at a restaurant and waste everyone’s time. GTFO.

      Reply
    17. John J

      So because you think you tip well, we’re supposed to value your displeasure that much more than someone who doesn’t tip 20? HAAAA. Take several seats.

      Reply
    18. Fred

      I completely agree. The “get over yourself” comment belongs to the author of the post. Booohoo you had to bring a child a piece of cake. Hope you didn’t break a sweat and then spend their tip money on your internet service so that you could bitch about it.

      Reply
    19. Mom of 363 month old

      Cheap bitching? Uhh, yes. It states this in the title of the blog. Get over yourself you great restaurant guest you.

      Reply
  3. Inari7

    C’mon just to take a couple of minutes to put a candle on top of a brownie or cup cake or some other desert your restaurant has. Make the woman happy that’s what our job is about. Then charge her ass for a desert, after all she didn’t say she wanted it for free. 🙂

    Reply
  4. Amber

    Lisa Marie,
    No one is going to side with you on that one. Sorry.
    Kids suck and I purposely bribe the hostess so they don’t sit me the kids.
    This is a server page, you won’t get any sympathy here.

    Reply
  5. Maria

    Ugh, I really can’t stand people. I’m so glad my restaurant style doesn’t attract many kids but when they do come… on man do I hate my job at that moment. 22 months… haha man people are ridiculous!

    Reply
  6. Michael Hamilton

    Do you know how many people come to restaurant every day and want to celebrate their birthday at the restaurants expense. Most times people just say it to get free cake.

    Reply
  7. Alex

    You are 604 months old (50.33 years)…
    I see why you are the ‘Bitchy Waiter.’
    You should have set your career goals a little higher.

    Reply
    1. Farran

      Alex, you must be one of those annoying people constantly urging servers to “get a real job”- regardless if that “real job” would come with a severe pay cut. He should’ve aimed his career goals higher? Because releasing his own books, blog, and podcast are not enough for your narrow view of what his life should be? Gtfoh✌

      Reply
    2. cat

      oh yeah? i’m a (bitchy) waiter in my early 30’s and i make 6 figures and get paid vacation and FREE health insurance (thank you unionization). i’m aware those benefits are extremely rare, but you can still suck everyone’s dick in my opinion. like, it’s hysterical you actually took out a calculator to do this math just to leave an obnoxious, ignorant comment. dumbass.

      Reply
      1. Catherine

        Love it, love it Cat. Suck everyone’s dick. Such a simple statement. So simple yet eloquent. Got a good chuckle out of your post. Thanks!

        Reply
  8. Nicx

    The butthurt comments are the candle on top of the small cupcake that is the article!! Thanks for the laughs. I’m 515 months old by the way. Yay! lmao

    Reply
  9. Alicia

    Just so non-parents know, baby ages are counted in weeks then months until 2 years or so because it’s how development is tracked for the purpose of making sure baby is healthy. All because baby changes constantly. The speed of development slows down around 2, so age counting spreads out to about six month increments. Parents and doctors don’t count weeks then months just because. It’s a necessary thing.

    Reply
    1. Kimber

      As a parent, I stopped giving my child’s age in months at a year and a half. People get “18 months” but after that point, their eyes glaze over. Just say “almost 2” or “2 and a half.” Anything else just sounds silly, even to other parents.

      Reply
    2. cat

      oh, is it necessary? just like as soon as you become a parents you just HAVE to refer to yourself as a “mommy” or a “daddy” even when talking to real adult humans? yeah, i think not. like, you know your kid is almost two, just say that. you’re not at the doctor, you’re not tracking development, you’re at a restaurant trying to celebrate a bullshit birthday. no one fucking cares anyway.

      Reply
      1. Shel

        Yeah, pretty much. I didn’t ask to be born and as Crappy as my life has been I wish I’d been aborted and spared the pain and annoyance.

        Reply
      2. Caroline

        People’s reasons for having children are selfish. Why should we thank them for a choice we had no part in making?

        Reply
  10. Christy

    So no one understands hospitality anymore, clearly. I get it 22 months isn’t a birthday. Paying customer? She can ask what she likes and maybe some of you should get a different job if customer service isn’t your thing.

    Reply
    1. Nobody special

      Hospitality doesn’t mean caving to every idiot request in the known universe. How about “It’s my 21st birthday, so the cute bartender needs to go down on me.” You seem to understand hospitality, Christy, so maybe you can get the cute bartender to accede to that request. Or you can do it yourself and claim to be the cute bartender. That’s customer service, after all.

      Reply
  11. Hardy

    I’m gonna program our POS to have icons like
    singing Happy Birthday $45 per waiter
    candle $2.50 per candle
    brought your own cake? Cake fee $50 (cause we just lost sales)

    Reply
  12. Lisa Misak

    I’m a good guest too, tip 20%, always make a point to tell the manager when the server is good but we never ask for free stuff. Why should a restaurant pay for our celebrating. If it’s a birthday or anniversary dinner we’ll order dessert but we’ll pay for it. The only time we ever got free was the server asked if we were celebrating something special because she complimented us on how we looked we because we were dressed up. We were -18th wedding anniversary and I had just found out I was 5 years cancer free. Well she was reall sweet and comped us the dessert. So we just took the money the dessert would have cost us and added it to the 20% tipped gave her. Seemed only fair.

    Reply
  13. Barbara Deskins

    I had a woman come in with her 5 year old, saying he just graduated kindergarten. Will he get a free dessert or something? I told her to look around the restaurant, every one of these kids just graduated kindergarten.

    Reply
  14. Sarah

    1.) She could have left out important details, for instance, the baby could have been a neice/nephew, baby cousin, baby sibling, good friends baby, etc, and they may have been visiting and wouldn’t get to actually celebrate the child’s birthday so they wanted to do an early thing to share a memory.

    2.) it certainly didn’t warrent such a rude response.

    3.) Maybe the child wasn’t expected to live pass a certain point and 22 months was a thing to celebrate but they left out important details.

    My point is, no matter the context implied, people really don’t know what all is missing. They just see something that is personally dumb to them. Seriously, this doesn’t effect anyones life negatively in any way…. To many people feel so entitled when it comes to their opinions when they don’t agree with someone else’s excitement.

    Reply
    1. Nicx

      It effects the server’s life negatively – they would have to go back and find and prepare free shit for this breeder and a kid who isn’t even celebrating a birthday! Sorry but nobody cares about your almost two year old as much as you do luv! And the things you’ve listed… 1/ That’s not the restaurant’s issue. 2/ Server was probably surprised at the entitlement. 3/ Pretty unlikely!!

      Reply
  15. car

    Let’s face it…being a waiter or server means putting up with the stupidity of the masses. If you can’t handle that, then don’t become a waiter! Most servers make more money than the cooks and have nothing to do with how the food tastes. The hateful comments of many of these posts reflect the fact that many servers are selfish, money grubbers who have little empathy and would think taking their fur baby to petsmart for a birthday bone is more acceptable than actually bringing life into the world and asking for a freaking cupcake for a child. Servers get over yourselves – YOU CHOSE THIS JOB!!!

    Reply
    1. cat

      dude, you’re reading a blog called THE BITCHY WAITER. what the fuck did you expect? and yes, wow, you brought another life into our severely overpopulated world. congrats let’s all take a minute to praise parents for having sex and then shooting out a mini-me 9 months later.

      Reply
      1. car

        My husband is a chef and most servers are bitches. So, why become one? Easy money with little skill? Say the same thing as I said to another poster – do you celebrate anti-mother’s day? Someone was kind enough to breed your sorry, mean-spirited little self.

        Reply
    2. Nicx

      It’s money *GRABBERS

      And I’ve done waitressing before, it’s f*cking hard work!!! And the rude people you have to put up with… Often, people don’t “choose” that job, they’re doing because it was available and they need to top up their income for some reason. Do you know how many tables that server would’ve been looking after? He hasn’t got the time to go and bring out free shit for a kid – it wasn’t even the kid’s birthday. Go find another blog to read if this offends your snowflake feelings so bad.

      Reply
  16. car

    The more servers I meet, the more I appreciate my own cooking or carry-out! Seems to be a lot of spoiled millennials who just want to make a quick buck with little skill involved! Most of them can’t even cook a meal for themselves!

    Reply
  17. Just A Poor Server

    Damn, you opened the flood gates with this one apparently.

    Whatever the reason, NO MATTER WHAT, even if it WAS the baby’s birthday, WE DON’T WANT TO SING! So in the end it doesn’t matter. If you want to celebrate their birth, that’s up to you, quit making me a part of it. Just let me give you your free sundae and walk away.

    Reply
  18. Shel

    Slap that mother. Slap that baby, too.
    I’m not sure which I hate worse, kids or parents. And no, I’m not a “spoiled millenial”. I’m 50 years old, child free by choice, and think this mother needed the fucking lit candle shoved up her ass.

    Reply
  19. Jael

    I love this so much!
    And wow alot of in blog comments on this one.
    Also the answer is 11mos. After that you say almost 1. Then you go by years and half years. This bugs me so much when parents go by months for a stupid amount of time. I’m a mother to an 8mo. Old and a 96mo. Old (8 yr old.) I promise I will not be one of these people with my baby.

    Reply
    1. Valerie

      Baby clothes are labeled in months up to 24. A pediatrician is counting in months the milestones and shot mandates.

      Do all you idiots think the parent or whoever invented this idea??!!

      Reply
  20. Moomin

    …. And do you think the woman maybe did not mind paying extra? Maybe she just didn’t want the kid to know about the surprise? You do realize that an almost 2-year-old understands most of what you are saying, as long as you don’t use some fancy words. Oh, you don’t know It? I see… maybe you are not qualified to bitch then 😂

    Reply
  21. Jeff

    Over a cupcake. Get over yourselves you retarded cunts. It’s not like she asked to have the bill for free or even made a big deal about it. Maybe no one cares that youre so tired from bringing shit to a table all day long. Get a job where you actually contribute something any maybe you’ll have the right to be such an asshole.

    Reply
  22. Kriz

    This is brilliant – and the only thing that makes it even better is all the triggered mums in the comment section who think that because we don’t give a shit about your kids non-birthday we don’t deserve a tip.

    Reply
  23. melissa

    There could be a number of reasons why they are celebrating 22 months, maybe the child wasn’t supposed to make it, or they already had one child pass away, and they want to celebrate even the little things like 22 months.
    Even a first time mom/dad could just be excited and celebrate the first 24 months of their kids life.
    they probably gave the server the candle and they never asked for a free cup cake or brownie.
    Get over yourself.

    Reply
  24. Helen

    Maybe they should bring Tequilla shots for all the people who know that 22 month old babe. Seems more appropriate somehow. (mom of 3 who also waitressed for 30 yrs )

    Reply
  25. Valerie

    Maybe this is the baby that LIVED or is on borrowed time. What difference does it make what you think? I don’t for one second believe the note writer wanted free or special food. Simply something along the lines of a cupcake or piece if cake of suitable size for their darling guest. Add it to the check and leave your attitude in the winow.

    If someone makes a dumb, stupifying request for something – that ACTUALLY IS on the menu – but you just don’t want to do it – just like you don’t want to be kind, thoughtful or God forbid accommodating – DO IT ANYWAY. If you don’t like being in service to others, get a factory job. If you ever wait on me you can bet I’ll push every button just because it’s so easy.

    Reply
    1. CrimsonAndClover

      “Maybe this is the baby that LIVED or is on borrowed time.”
      So?

      “…their darling guest.”
      “Darling” does not apply to any child of any age anywhere.

      Reply
  26. Nickkey

    I work with a girl who would do this same shit! She cuts her 7 year olds fruit up for him. Then proceeds to tell every customer she waited on that she is 35 weeks 2 days 13 hours 8 min and 27 seconds pregnant. I literally want to throw her down a flight of stairs everytime i see her. Shes not pregnant anymore but does and gas said omg my son is 23 months todat! Yeah who gives a shit! I hate attention seeking cheap ass people! Go to the store and PAY for a cupcake cheap asshole…btw I’m not singing shit

    Reply
  27. Tamlyn

    The server is there to serve. That’s their job! Who knows what this kid may have gone through to get to 22 months. Maybe this is a big mile-stone. This server needs to stop judging and do their job!

    Reply
  28. Paulette Glassheim

    If you are an asshole, please stay out of the service industry… what’s the harm in giving a freaking cupcake… maybe it was a miracle baby…. maybe the poor kid had a terminal illness, making every month a special month…. if you aren’t willing to go out of your way for even doofus customers, find another line of work….. be an asshole some place else….
    and for someone who “doesn’t give a shit”, it sure bothered you enough to take time to rant about it…. guess what?? I don’t give a crap about your story…

    Reply
  29. Pingback: A Comment on Comments; the 22-Month-Old-Baby Edition | the bitchy waiter

  30. Karen

    Once they get to be 1, for all practical purposes you round. The most you should round to is the 1/2, so our baby in this case is nearly 2. “Pwecious is going to be 2 in 2 months” is fine.

    But you don’t celebrate each month, that’s just…well not right. And the waiter has every right to refuse you the cupcake or whatever.

    There are a few exceptions I can think of, such as jr reaching an age doctors said they wouldn’t make, for example. Then it’s a big deal, but for the rest of us, no.

    Reply
  31. Mae

    No, get over YOURSELF!

    This woman loves her baby and wants to celebrate. Who fucking cares that he is not quite yet 2?

    Most restaurants do not have mini-cupcakes. I would explain what we DO have (I have been a bartender and a server for many years), and ask her if she would like me to bring one of those.

    So she wrote a note: big deal. Yes, the baby is oblivious, but maybe it is a surprise for the other people at the table so they can oooh and aaahhhh at the baby. Fine. I do not have kids, but I would respect these people, understand where they are coming from, and work to make this little after dinner event nice and memorable.

    You should find another line of work.

    Reply

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